Let the light shine in and the Healing begin.....

"Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn't you - all of the expectations, all of the beliefs - and becoming who you are."

- Rachel Naomi Remen 

{disclaimer from Big Daddy's reaction}

He started reading and said it sounded like

a Lesbian Love affair---this is not what this is about--it is a spiritual journey with God.  Just in case there are other readers who think like the Big Daddy!!!!

I have carried "it" around for as long as I can remember,

this pain,

the ache,

the "thing" that keeps me afraid.

It strangles me,

keeps me all bound up,

imprisoned emotions that stir around inside of me

limiting my ability to be who I am.

"it" causes me to be afraid,

the fear to open up,

reveal all the unique gifts of mine to the world,

causes me to push the joy and laughter and life

down inside an analytical brain

that

thinks away the feeling.

I entered the darkness,

afraid of who I would encounter,

afraid of what I might bump into....

I felt my way along,

touched the ancient walls of the past

feeling surroundings that were all too familiar

in an unsettling kind of way.

I moved slowly,

wondering

what or who

I might encounter.

Then I met her...

healing medicine woman of sorts

with

her anointing balm

and

energized hands.

I stood still,

felt her energy vibrate in rhythmic

creative manners.

She touched me,

I suddenly wasn't afraid,

Suddenly

I felt grounded,

safe,

secure,

I could feel that fear coming up,

clinging with claws dug in,

I felt inner tension,

turmoil,

confusions...

let go

said the medicine woman,

let go and see

she anointed my head,

my feet,

my heart,

I looked up,

the weeds planted by others that had grown over and covered me up,

shifted to the right,

into my darkness,

came a

flood of

white light,

bathing my wounds,

cleaning my heart,

touching me

with photons

of

hope and love

and

I felt changed....

The light flood my being,

moved over old wounds,

cleaned out the weeds and cobwebs and unwanted trash...

and

suddenly

for a

fraction of a moment,

the tension left me,

and

I surrendered.

Light bathed me,

healed me if you will

and

I will never be the same

for healing light touched my dry spirit

filled me up

quenched my thirst,

bathed me,

healed me.

anointed  me with love

and

I will never ever be the same.

On this Saturday night..

I am thankful for

a

day

full of

healing light...

blessings and hugs...

beauty in the scars....

what the day!  so glad it is almost over...

started last night when the call-ins started coming...

and then they didn't stop...

short staffed...

tired

Monday...rainy, windy and cold

not feeling it.

people getting on my nerves.

whatever...whatever...whatever...

I don't care, i thought!

What I'd rather do is be home with my kids..

laughing and sitting and watching and being,

spring breaking...

but

instead

work

where

I am left to ponder

how we humans come out being so different

how some have ethics

and others

seem to not be bothered by anything.

watching and learning has been one of my life-time pass times...

what I have found is that in

looking at others we are then invited to look back within ourselves

to uncover our secret hidings,

to expose the myth..

to examine what holds us back.

so that we can live fully as a character in our own narrative

bound by the threads of our beginnings and intermingled with other weavings along the way

 and we live....

where somewhere in the mix one finds that thing" that  makes us who we are?

there is a tension

between who we were birthed to and who we are to become

and somewhere in between is who we are now..and we live there

day after day after day.

few dare to examine and dig and uncover all that hides the truth from themselves....

few really want to see

all the buried stuff,

the secrets

  and the crap we hide from our self..

I sat with a very wise woman

 who held a mirror up to my eyes...

she made me feel safe and loved and claimed

and she said,

"go ahead, take a look...you may like what you see.."

i looked...

barely recognizing the woman i saw and  smiled at the playful kid hangin' out..

it was uncomfortable and scary and
awe filling

all at the same time...

this birthing

the pushing into the world,

the bringing out of the shell.

takes alot of energy...

surprised I was to uncover

that that one time long ago,

that one incident

clouded everyone that followed.

the pain still raw

but

sitting there in it's pool of hurt

healing salve applied...

I began to hope

that somehow

someway

i will recognize

that

I am

loved

enough

worth enough

to keep

looking

to

see all

the tiny scars,

the

scabs of the past,

the hurt that glistens in the light,

wounds brought out for the world to see

suddenly

 becomes fine work of art that

sparks and energizes the creative soul to

continue through the Universal Womb toward hope

she held out her hand

said

'good work'

and I knew

that another piece of me

had been exposed

and for that

I am thankful

but

tired as hell..

on my way to bed..

good night!