Presence....

“Maybe journey is not so much a journey ahead, or a journey into space, but a journey into presence.” ― Nelle Morton, The Journey is Home

Presence

sometimes

in the fogginess of life

in the midst of crazy

unexpected 

twists and turns

when we least expect and

when we least want

to encounter it

God--Great Mystery--foggy presence

moves over us

sneaks right up on us

in the midst of coffee and silence

settles around and over and

in the very space and air that we breathe without us ever inviting IT to come.

It had been a crazy week for me--one of the most earth shattering--take me to my knees kind of weeks

and all around me

moving and bumping into me 

people

who I knew and didn't know

...

they

humans of all unique kinds

they

held me up

pulled me up

bathed me in love and prayer

and

Hope

and

I stand back

gazing out into the unknown future

...thankful...

thankful for that Mystery

foggy presence

that i can't see or touch or taste

just trust and know it is there

vibrating electrons of love

moving over all us

here on this little planet.

as I almost hit the bottom

breath knocked right out of me

....she waved...

..he hugged..

...prayer--however it works...

floated out by people who knew my name and people

who had no clue who I was 

not one knowing why they were speaking my name

or what I needed...

but they did...

It is a strange thing..

this mystery..

this connection we have with each other

our binding tie 

knotted in love

....

Thankful

for the smile

the touch

the hug without asking

the text

the wave from someone who nobody else notices

but she saw me

the Kleenex

...

Thankful

that when 

I can't breathe

someone or something

so much bigger than myself

Foggy Mystery

Atomic Electrons of love

move out into the Universe

move up

swirl around

knock against my armor and sneak in the cracks

to save me

...

thankful 

that HOPEFUL MYSTERY

meets me

....

through people 

whose name 

I do not know

and

by 

"things"

I do not understand...

thankful that hope floats back on up again

pulling me with it...

have a wonderful day

...

stand back

look out into the foggy presence

and

let it catch you

and

lift you

into it to...

Hope that is...

The radical rambler

what am I waiting for???

“She knocked and waited, because when the door was opened from within, it had the potential to lead someplace quite different.” 
― Laini Taylor, Daughter of Smoke & Bone

it
--the closed and locked door-
is an illusional shell

helping me pretend 

I can't

I don't know how

I'm not good enough

it
--the closed and locked door--
is my protection
keeping me
in my own way of thinking
safe
seperated
content
-which is the lie I tell myself--
...

It
--the closed and locked door--
holds me back
keeps me at bay
keeps me from my truest self

it
--that thing that keeps my hand off the lock--
is
fear
distrust
memory of hurt so deep it still feels sharp
causes pain to rise up inside of me

I stare
I wonder
I feel my hand reach out to the door
it shakes and it trembles
my heartbeat quickens
excitement moves up inside of me
I'm still afraid

I touch the cold lock
it is not as scary as it looks
I lean on the door
listening to see if I can
hear the Mystery on the other side
or feel ITS warmth
trembling to my toes
I wait...
wait for some
miraculous sign or rhyme to tell me
tell me it is time
time to
claim
that truest part of myself
the parts other people see already but i pretend they don't.

Something pulls me to the door
it feels like an invisible lasso pulling tight against my heart
I run my hand over the latch
flick it a bit
and
I wait
for for just the right moment
to
claim
the
God Gift part of myself
I try to deny.

my heart races
my gut trembles
I am still afraid
but
IT
-that God thing that I don't understand-
It calls me
beckons
me
plays a tune
I can barely resist
I feel my foot tap
and
the atomic notes rise inside my soul
it unwakes an intrinsic memory from the DNA of my cells

Perhaps
the fear of staying the same
of always
resisting the "calling of the Mystery"
of pretending I can't hear
is scarier
than the
unknown on the other side

I listen

I stand
...
I wait

what am I waiting for??????

I don't know....


Happy Saturday
from a
radical rambler
with early morning
ponderings.....