There is a Light....

In the velvet darkness, 
Of the blackest night, 
Burning bright, 
There's a guiding star. 
No matter what or who you are.
Janet from "Rocky Horror Picture Show"

Okay, you got me!  I used (am) a Rocky Horror Picture Show

fan.  I remember the first time I was privy to my first viewing, there I was naive Baptist girl from the town with the flashing light at the four way stop--mouth open--shocked at the viewing of a "sweet transvestite".  We were stuck on campus and not much to do on a Saturday night (you know Baptist Theology in ones bones can keep a girl on the straight and narrow for a long time)....so we walked a mile or so down the road to an old theater that showed this particular movie on every Saturday night at midnight.  After our first venture, my fellow naive friends and I were hooked.  For me, Rocky Horror Picture show taught me lots about the world and other people and if I think about it now--broadened my own view of the wonder of Creation--diverse, unusual and wonderful.

Rocky Horror is full of laughter, dancing and embedded with theological glimmers like no other.  I still enjoy watching and yes, this Big Sexy Hot Mama can still do a mean time warp!!! I do think it is probably the only dance I can do and stay on a somewhat natural beat!!!  

At the end of the movie, the Rocky Horror World is unwinding and suddenly in the midst of horror and fear and in the midst of "unknowing and untold" event unraveling, one of characters, Janet, breaks into song,

 "In the velvet darkness, 

Of the blackest night, 

Burning bright, 

There's a guiding star. 

No matter what or who you are."

And suddenly in the midst of a dark movie theater,the lines from the song flip to , 

"there's a light"

in the midst of strangers and friends, lights begin to flicker all over the place, moving and swirling Bic lighters sway to the sound of the music and yes I will swear to you--every single time this part of the movie still comes around, I find myself filled with a bit of hope and little goose bumps running up and down my arms in an electric kind of way..

Our journey takes us on pathways, up mountains, down byways, around hidden corners where we think we might just get slung out into the universe.  It is full of bumps, rough patches, desert landings where we become so parched we think we might not make it.   We sometimes find ourselves 

moving into thick forest and into caverns so dark and scary we become frozen--afraid to move forward because we can't see and afraid to go back---cause--who wants to go back.

The wonder of it all is this.........no matter where I have been

somehow, someway, people, different people along the way 

have flicked a Bic, switched on a light, held up a torch, beckoning me to move on forward...

"The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming. 

Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming 

Into my life. Into my life... "

Light

it comes

in the midst of our darkest night

glimmering

beckoning

come on it says...come on...

...

just a bit more

...

one more toe forward

....

There is a light

a light for all of us

in you,

in me,

over there,

can't you see?

There is a light

and

I am thankful this morning

for a glimmer!

Blessings to all of you 

this Wednesday morning!

there is a light

There's a guiding star. 

No matter what or who you are.

The Radical Rambler

On the way.......wilderness wanderings.

“It would be like describing colors to someone blind from birth: The words might be understood, but the concept would remain mysterious and private.”
― Nicholas Sparks, The Last Song

I stood 

looking to my left and to my right

wandering

brush in front of me

covering the back of me

I couldn't see where I was going or where I came

I just was

...

there

...

lost in the wilderness

on the way

from 

there to there

but

here

in the midst of 

both wonder and fear

...

I stand in awe

life swirling 

moving

rushing

and

I wonder 

what this journey is all about

this 

movement forward

..

I really was pretty comfortable 

aside from the heaviness in my spirit

at 

just sittin' for a while

....

resting

...

rejuvenating now I suppose

for the wilderness travel that I don't quite understand

no

it is not quite like giving up chocolate

hard at times

wonderful in joyful ways 

and

full of emotions that can't be articulated

...the way....

walking dust roads 

meeting folks

hearing tales and stories and adventures

filling my pockets with 

the richness shared by those I meet

savoring the sweet aroma of something so Holy 

words can't even begin to articulate the depth..

..

I don't know where 

I am going

but

I'm on my way

and

it's not easy

these things coming up from within

these voice from the past

telling me

"You will not make it"

"it will kill you"

"don't even try it"

"just be content"

"you are not good enough"

"strong enough"

"smart enough"

"cute enough"

to get to make it all the way

from there to there

so just stop

sit here

build your little comfortable abode 

in the midst of lush and let life

pass you on by

your old now

no need to put your heart out

no need to try anymore

just watch

......

and

suddenly

without rhyme or reason

without so much of a plan

something 

moves over me,

smokey presence

moving in 

mixing in 

touching every atom of my body and mind and spirit

I don't understand 

this mystery of sorts

this Presence

this Unknown that moves in me like 

early morning dew rising to meet the noon sun

it touches the places of my hurt

the inner parts of me

that have been split into

with a Balm of Healing

It rejuvenates my soul

It pulls me forth

and

I stand

breath in 

and

take another step 

forward

on the way

...

to somewhere

...

I don't know where..

....

wilderness journeys

Happy Monday

The radical rambler

WHERE LIFE MEETS ASH....

“Ash Wednesday is for people who know that it means for their soul to be logged with these icy waters: all of us are such people, if only we can realize it.

“There is confidence everywhere in Ash Wednesday, yet that does not mean unmixed and untroubled security. The confidence of the Christian is always a confidence in spite of darkness and risk, in the presence of peril, with every evidence of possible disaster…

THOMAS MERTON

A few years back--okay--okay--a lot of years back--

I had been working at my job for a year or so

fresh out of college and full of life and energy

and

so...

having a high school friend take up residents in New Orleans

right during the High Holy Days of Mardi Gras...

well what fresh out of college with money in her pocket kind of girl

would be able to resist the invitation to a party of THIS MAGNITUDE...

Now I grew up in a small little speck on the map,

in  a town that has a flashing red light and a railroad track

daughter of the local Baptist minister...

let's just say..

I had not lived much---even away--at college.

A car load of us girls

loaded up for the drive and we head to the party of the Universe.

My friend...oh he showed us the way....

parades and wine skins

Big beads and sucking crawl fish heads

There was life and laughter

joy abounding,

colors swirling and people bumping and

every where

fat food, good drink, big beads

and

it seemed all of humanity knew each other

and

all were digging in for their last "hoo haa" 

grabbing for the tiny little baby baked in a cake of sweet goo.....because they knew the good stuff was about to end--and those folks...they know how to savor a good time.

As a good little Baptist girl from a little town...

well let's just say

Mardi Gras and New Orleans 

were about as close to what I thought could lead to "hell" as one might encounter

and

YES

it was fun!!!!

We drove through New Orleans traffic from one parade to the other

collecting beads and coins and if one was lucky---really lucky---a coconut head or two...

James Brown was full blast on the radio and 

my friend Bill...everyone once in a while would pipe in with James and say...

"give the drummer some"---which means in Bill language

take a swig from the wine skin...

and 

let's just say...

"we did feel good"

I remember paying to park in someones yard

and then asking them if they'd allow us to use their bathroom--

and we crept inside 

about to bust

into a shotgun house with lights hanging down from the ceiling on a long rope

I was sure we were inside some kind of mafia gang house...

but for a dollar 

and an emergency..

well that bathroom was just fine!!!

Ash Wednesday immediately follows 

the Shrove Tuesday of life..

where

mortality shatters the part...

From Dust we came

to Dust we shall return...

talk about a party buster upper....

I've come to love Ash Wednesday

it gives us folks a really good clear dose of reality

"Life is fun........but it ends........."

Live it well

that stuff 

in between

born and dead

there is

something

an "IT" so big I can't describe

that resonates, 

supports,

embraces

and

upholds.

I sense tonight

when I walk toward the front

to receive the Ashy reminder

of 

our mortality...

I will think of what Thomas Merton said,

:“There is confidence everywhere in Ash Wednesday, yet that does not mean unmixed and untroubled security. The confidence of the Christian is always a confidence in spite of darkness and risk, in the presence of peril, with every evidence of possible disaster…

THERE IS GOD

AND

WE ALL NEED A BIT OF A REMINDER....

TODAY

THESE ASHES WILL BE MINE someday.

MAY EACH OF YOU TAKE A MOMENT

TO PONDER THE MOMENTS

THAT 

ARE BETWEEN

BORN AND DEAD

AND

ASK YOURSELF

HAVE YOU LIVED A LIFE YOUR PROUD OF?

IF NOT THEN DO IT...

BLESSINGS TO ALL OF YOU...

ON THIS ash Wednesday.......because 

it really happens you know

even if we don't want to think about it 

LIFE will Meet ASH

ALL TOO QUICK!

The radical rambler

leap and land.....

Faith is a process of leaping into the abyss 

not on the basis of any certainty about "where" we shall land, but rather on the belief 

that we "shall" land.

-- Carter Heyward

Faith...

I sometimes try to explain it and often wonder where it really comes from...

I wonder why some folks seem to have larger dose of it and why some seem to have--well virtually none.

Is it our life experiences?

The Skeptics inside of us?

The circle of knowing we received from our family of origins?

I don't know the answer

just have lots of wonders

....

Everyone of us 

as we travel along,

winding around, 

up and down 

to and fro

has a pivotal moment

when we climb atop the mountain 

sweating and pushing

muscles aching

just trying to get to the top

....

sweat beads dripping off our face,

running down our back,

sitting to rest of a bit,

seeing all kinds of magical wonders along the way,

grass pushing and swaying,

"critters" of God's creation

big and small

running around 

hopping around 

flying about,

mushrooms with their umbrella tops

decorate the dusty landscape in brilliant and unusual colors and the 

green moss spreads a carpet of sort

in which to sit,

rest ,

refresh,

be

and 

then we push forward just a bit more

not being really sure we'll make it there

but determined none the less

...

and

we climb

one foot in front of the other

back bent over with the weight of the stuff we can't leave behind....

...

the top must be almost there...

just beyond the next bend...

don't you think?

step after step

and

just when one believes they can't 

make one more movement

just as the last turn is taken

vibrant light breaks

through on the path

and

an opening

an

awe inviting opening

and

we step out

reaching the top

and with shaky legs

move ever so slowly toward the edge

breath becoming shallow

fear rising up,

flooding up,

overtaking

and

I stand

gazing into the horizon of the future

unsure of where it will lead

the thrill of the unknown

it pulls me..

pulls me to the edge

and

suddenly

I find myself

there...

at the most important moment 

of all

....

what next?

do I turn and go back to what I've always known

what I've always done

do I hold myself back

bind myself up...

retreat...

or

do I just do it

you know

say it

what the "f"

and

do IT..

move to the very edge of what is known 

to the edge of what I've never seen

and look down

into the abyss of uncertainty

do I dare?

dare jump into it?

dive into it?

fall face first into 

the wonder of "something" i can't describe?

Will I live?

And there I stand

and something in and behind and above and below

says it...

go ahead

do it

fall on into the depths of that little thing 

George Michael's says we must have...

Faith...

and

so 

I 

decided to trust

and I fell face first 

into the openness of the unknown

believing

"something or someone" 

would 

catch me and set me where I needed to be...

may it be so

for all of us

who 

decide on this day

to take the dive of faith...

Go ahead.....

Jump!.

have a great Monday and blessings..

The radical rambler..

So off color daughter is getting ready for her China trip..

here is a link to her etsy store 

where she is selling her crochet items to pad her pocket..

check it out

off color daughter's crochet store

a skin defining moment....

“When you stand and share your story in an empowering way,

 your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else.”
― Iyanla Vanzant

Well it has happened...

I am no longer

40 something...although, I have not changed that in my bio yet....

I am now just plain ole fifty...no something.....just it...

and

it's not too bad...

not too bad at all.

There was a moment when i stood in my bedroom and I gazed deep into the fire burning and I pondered..

well here I stand...

right at the top

looking behind to see where I have been and yet

gazing over the top of the mountain I seem to have been climbing since the day I came out of the womb---

carving my path through thicket

always taking the longer harder road....

and

there I stood

thoughts flooding for just a moment

there was a rush of  deep unsettling grief for moments lost,

times I did not stand in my authentic truth,

times I did not take the time to tell folks 

i loved them or let them see the real me because of my own insecurity or fear of what they might think,

i remembered moments--just a few---when i didn't do the right thing

or had to hide my story...hide my own truth...

and just as that 

deep unsettling moment of grief

moved over me....

something inside me switched

....

and

it hit me

I no longer have to do what other people want me to do

I no longer need to be pleasing everybody else

I no longer have to dance any dance 

that I don't want to dance...

hum...

hell 50...it "ain't" half bad.

and I 

for a brief moment

that connected to the next

and the next wave of thinking happened...

....

I am older--

wiser--

more honest---

and much more comfortable in my

sexy hot skin

than ever before....

and

"i said it"

in my heart

"f" all the expectations

preconceived notions

"f" all the stuff other people want or tell or boss..

time to be 

fully

authentically

sexy hot me

For it is enough!

and

in that moment

I realized

my skin

it suddenly fits.

Thankful 

for 

moments

of 

clarity...

may each of you

stand and gaze

and

be surprised when you meet yourself looking back...

and

suddenly realize IT---your skin---it fits.

Happy Sunday...

The radical rambler