on the endless web.......Life

Every intention, interaction, motivation, every colour, every body, every action and reaction, every piece of physical reality and the thoughts that it engendered, every connection made, every nuanced moment of history and potentiality, every toothache and flagstone, every emotion and birth and banknote, every possible thing ever is woven into that limitless, sprawling web.

It is without beginning or end. It is complex to a degree that humbles the mind. 

It is a work of such beauty that my soul wept.....

I have danced with the spider.” 

― China Miéville, Perdido Street Station

i THOUGHT

I 

COULD 

PLAY

ALL BY MYSELF

ALONE

UNTOUCHED

DISCONNECTED

STOIC

AND

ISOLATED

it wasn't bad---kind of fun---didn't need or want or desire to 

know you or anyone else...

AHH....WHAT THE LIE i TOLD MYSELF

FOR 

WE ALL

SIT

ALL TOGETHER

ON THIS LITTLE WEB

WOVEN SO INTRICATELY

TOUCHING IN PLACES

INTERTWINING AND SPINNING AROUND

I LOOK AROUND

AND

SEE 

YOU 

AND 

YOU 

AND YOU

AND 

I THINK

NO WAY

GET OFF MY WEB

DON'T TOUCH ME

DON'T LOOK MY WAY

I'M JUST FINE 

SITTING HERE ALL BY MYSELF

....

THEN

WITHOUT 

SO MUCH 

AS A RHYME

OR RIDDLE

YOUR 

LITTLE STRAND 

TOUCHES MINE

AND

WE'RE 

STUCK TOGETHER

FOREVER

ME

PART OF YOU 

AND

ME 

SOMEHOW 

PART OF YOU

IN WAYS i 

CANNOT BEGIN TO 

FATHOM

ARTICULATE 

UNDERSTAND

CONNECTED

....

AND

I LOOK TO MY LEFT

AND

YOU

AND

RIGHT

AND

YOU AND ABOVE

AND YOU

....

AND

SUDDENLY

I REALIZE

HERE WE

ALL ARE

SITTING ON A 

TINY DELICATE WEB

pretending we don't see

don't know

don't need

each other

....

IT CAUSES MY WORLD TO MOVE ABOUT

BOBBLE UP AND DOWN

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU

HAVEN'T INVITED YOU 

TO TOUCH MY LITTLE STRAND OF THE WORLD

BUT

YET

HERE YOU ARE

CAUSING ME TO BOBBLE ABOUT

CLING

TIE UP MY LITTLE ABODE

PROTECT MY LITTLE SPIDERLINGS 

BY WORKING AND WEAVING AND ENFORCING....

.....

i STOP

I WATCH

I SUDDENLY FEEL

FEEL THIS DANCE 

FEEL YOUR LITTLE HOP 

the way you BOBBLE MY WORLD

SENSE YOUR

FURY

YOUR JOSTLING IMPACT

FEEL 

WHAT 

YOU DO...

I STOP 

STOP

SCURRYING ABOUT

STOP WORRYING

AND

SUDDENLY

...

SUDDENLY

I AM ABLE 

TO 

FEEL

..

FEEL THE MOVEMENT 

OF THE 

DANCE 

CALLED LIFE

.....

AND

REALIZE

YOU 

ME

WE

...

WE ARE CONNECTED

AND

'IT'

'AIN'T '

TOO BAD!

ENJOY THE DAY

FRIDAY...

AND

BE A GREAT WEEKEND

BLESSINGS

THE RADICAL RAMBLER....

Look at that Girl.....

“Listening to your heart is not simple.

 Finding out who you are is not simple. It takes a lot of

 hard work and courage 

to get to know who you are and what you want.” 
― Sue Bender, Plain and Simple: A Journey to the Amish

This past weekend, Big Daddy, off-color daughter and I took off early Friday morning and started down highway 68 in Kentucky to experience something called a "400 mile" yard sale.

We traveled a two lane highway, over bridges, around bends so curvy that even if your not one to get carsick---you just might need something for nausea.  We stopped and parked in peoples yards, along side the road in little pull-offs, in driveways and in fields wet from the sprinkling rain.

It was fun...fun to see the wonder of creation,

to see the different ways folks lived just a few miles down the road.

People had all kinds of "junk" up for sale.  Some were antique dealers with prices almost as high as in any shop and then there would be some farmers wife, face wrinkled and worn, over sized flannel shirt bunched up to keep her warm, selling canned vegetables from her last years canning and jelly from her blackberries she picked along the way.

I loved seeing other peoples treasures and wondered why they had kept some of them for so long.  I wondered if they were gifts--that they didn't have any clue what to do with, wondered a lot about their lives and their stories.  It was a fun day.

Along this two lane highway through farm country, there are not many places to stop and have a potty break and not many places to stop and have a bite to eat.

We happened upon a little family market that was owned and operated by a large Amish family, set off from the road in the middle of "nowhere".

We pulled over---some of their folks were having a sale--and it made me realize that some of my own trash turned into others treasures--there was coffee jars and spaghetti jars that had been washed and rinsed and saved--I wonder if they sold any.

Off-Color daughter and I were so excited.  First, because we had a bathroom and secondly--we both love going into places where people live a differently--seems both of us are curious story seekers.

As we walked in the door and got to the bathroom located in the corner just beyond the sandwich and ice-cream counter, off color daughter looked at me and said, "Did you hear those little girls at the cash register?"  I cocked my head and listened. 

She said, "the little blond girl just asked her older sister this, "Did you see that girl....she's got really short hair and is wearing shorts...Do you think her mama knows she is doing that?"  I laughed.  Then off color daughter said, "The older sister said, Look there's her mom and she has short hair and shorts too."

When we paid for our ice-cream and pound of Colby jack cheese wrapped in wax paper, the little girls stared at us--just as curious about our life style as we were about theirs.

Their life seemed simple....

lavender and blue dresses, black tennis shoes, white little caps on their head

their blue eyes twinkled and the blond hair glistened.

We chatted for a bit about how busy it must be in the store.

They agreed and I left a tip in their little jar sitting by the cash register.  

I stood outside and looked at their surroundings...

black shiny horse buggy,

simple farm house,

laundry washed and hanging in the sunshine, flapping around in a gentle breeze

and

a little boy about eight runs across the road

barefoot,

high water black pants,

crisp blue shirt....

skipping and jumping

in a way that showed the glee of a child in summer.

I stood for a moment,

wanting to breath in a bit of simple life

for life had been more difficult lately

not slow enough

not simple

not plain....

wanting to be mindful of their need to not be photographed

I had to capture a bit of the 

simple wonder...

so I walked across the road and quickly snapped the picture above....

and

when I look at it..

I go back

standing in the sunshine

having the desire to kick off my shoes 

and

toss crazy into the air

and

embrace 

simple

plain and simple.

Thankful

for sunshine,

a whistle stop cafe that still serves fried green tomatoes,

other peoples junk that turns into treasure

and

cold ice-cream served 

with 

a 

slice of peace on top.

May we all find a moment

to run in the green summer grass,

feel the wind in our hair

and

wonder about 

life on the other side....

Did you see that girl?

oh and by the way off color daughter did get her hair cut really short--it looks fabulous!!!

Be a great Wednesday......

The radical rambler...

The river of sadness...

“There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human- in not having to be just happy or just sad- in the nature of being able to be both broken and whole, at the same time.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

Some days it feels as if the sun will never shine again,
festering deep inside of me is a sadness
I've never known before or perhaps never been attuned enough to acknowledge its presence
It is not depression
not anxiety
I know those emotions all too well--we've been friends for awhile
but somewhere
deep inside
is a river of tears
I've never allowed myself to cry
never allowed myself to feel
never allowed myself to acknowledge
  it is there
uncried tears
that have been building inside of me for as long as I can remember
this river
it is
rippling around inside of me
moving around
filling up the corners of my heart space
splashing around
hitting me at the most inconvenient times
causing me to acknowledge its presence
when
all I really want to do is ignore it.

This river of sadness is filled with
lost opportunity,
unreturned love,
unvalued moments
unacknowledged presence,
injustice,
intolerance,
disparity between people of all kinds..
it has all accumulated...


this river is present
inside
splashing and festering
causing stagnation
it will only grow
taking over the
all my emotions
drowning my life...
I find all these years of holding in
being stoic
making the world think
that
the hurt I've felt
the pain I've experienced
and
even the joy that I feel so deep
well
I've learned to play a good game
pretending the nothing and no person can hurt me
....
but lately...
well lately
the river inside of me
has started to well up in ways
that I can no longer dam or hide
....
I feel the weight of it
crushing like a wave swallowing a surf boarder...
I sense its presence
when without rhyme or reason
I feel a tear
as I watch the sunrise
watch a sad movie
or
see some nostalgic exchange of love...

this river...
it is no longer stagnant...
it is moving
moving up
starting to flow


The river of sadness
is part of me
but
is
moving
out
leaving me...
flowing out
leaving room for the joy and hope and love

this river of sadness..
it is flowing....
releasing
moving....
out into the hemisphere
.........
and
for that
well i am thankful
for it means
I am human
and
I am here!

Blessing to all of you on this Sunday Morning.....





“Every [Person]  has [their]secret sorrows which the world knows not;
 and often times we call a [person] cold when [they] are only sad.” 
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow