opened up

“My heart's been torn wide open,

 just like I feared it would be,

 and I have no willpower to close it back up.” 

                                                            ― Marie Lu, Champion

I have not written in a very long time

fear of looking at 

the emotions inside of me

caused

me to 

hunker down

hole up

and

pull the shades around my heart and mind 

tight

all closed up

in a protective shell

life

living it

hurt too bad

darkness loomed

rain and storms pelted my outer shell

there I

rested---absorbed in my own little world with my own little troubles

wallowed all over and over again 

in 

the pain so severe I could not name it--let alone claim it----

.....

Storms tossed and turned

slammed me

rolled me over 

pulled me back to sea

but

something 

beyond myself

beyond my understanding 

beyond anything I can fathom in my humanoid way of thinking

IT met me

me in 

 my little world blown apart kind of  life

pulled me

protected me

wouldn't let go or give up on me

rescued me  

Drowning in sorrow and strangling on my tears

feeling alone

a Mystery of sort

enfolded me

holed up me

existing 

in my protective coating me

wrapped around 

and claimed 

me--my value-my gift--my--me

The sunshine dried my outer coating

my arms tired from

the weight of holding 

the shells together

began to 

relax just a bit

and

when i let go

just enough

to allow a small sliver of light and love 

to slip inside of my darkness

my world shifted....

Love

IT

embraced me

pulled me up

opened 

my heart spaces

scarred,

wounded, 

some would say--raw and exposed

but yet still beating little heart,

IT

opened those little

tiny spaces that I tried to seal over

closed up

shelled up me

opened me

heart all wrapped in pain

to love

and

that something

IT

amazing Love 

rescued 

me....hunkered down, holed up, mixed up, torn apart me...

never be put together the same again  me

but 

yet 

I 

live

rescued little me

lives

how?

I don't know

Why 

does it matter?

opened heart space

LIFE

i am 

Here

opened up

and

alive....

Thanks be to IT!!!  Amen