Tuesday, February 18, 2014

anointing hands

“I feel the healing
hands of God
touch my heart
and kiss my soul.” 

― Harley Kin

In a wave of explosive energy,
love splashed over my heart as I stood gazing into their eyes-
each bearing their own pain, their own hope, their own perspective
and
I opened my heart 
to them
in front of them
in a way I never imagined.

As I looked I could feel waves of tears rolling up in my eyes in the same explosive energy as the love that was splashing all over me,
moving over me
touching me
in the crevices of my heart 
where my deepest hurt had resided for many years.

Perhaps
to the eyes not visioning through a God lens
it was just standing
standing up and saying
I'll do that job
but
ah...
my world view was so different and it felt much bigger than just standing up
looking out
ah..
it felt like hope and love and grace
and
acceptance wrapping around me at once.
....
tiny little drops of love balm
slid down into the places 
where 
I had been hurting for many years
oozed into the little cracks 
left by my broken dreams,
rejected gifts,
unrealized self preservation
dripped into me
as the aroma of anointment
rose up.

I don't know how I came
to stand
stand before
these folks so full of love
don't know how my journey brought me
to that place in time
that moment in reality
when 
love,
hands,
healing
and
my heart 
got all wrapped up in a gift of hope.

I don't understand it
but
as they put on their hands
little electrons
moved
moved through me
and 
for a tiny moment
for that was all I could stand
was 
touched
by love,
hands,
energy
dare I say God
and for just a moment
shalom
it infused me
and
I was whole
and
I
I am most thankful for the moment.

blessings on this Tuesday
be a great day.



Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Goodwills, scaly feet and Sacred Ground.....

“If I were in [his] presence, I would wash [his ]feet.” 
― Hercules
Sketch done by off color daughter at panera bread one day while she was skipping school--fabulous don't you think....it speaks of the sacredness and connection we have with the world. 2013 MM

Okay--so I'll confess--I haven't blogged in a good long while.  My life has been very crazy and I've found that in my writing-there is a transparency about myself--a truthfulness that erupts from the depth of my soul.  So if I am honest with myself and then with the world--I'll confess that I didn't want to share
all the mixed up emotions that I had going on inside of me on paper
---and whether I wanted to share--well it would have happened--the emotion would have pushed forth and emerged on the paper in the midst of whatever story I was tryin' to birth.   
So--here I am---willing to bare it again--I suppose sometimes the human spirit needs to just ball up and fight with itself
wrestle, stomp, scream and cry---
and that is where I've been
in a smack-down match with parts of myself...
and I won eventually and have a few bruises to show for it!!!


Fast forward to the present......
I had just spent the week in the hospital with my mother, who'd had a heart attack coming out of the bathroom at walmart--now that is another story for another day---a scare and a stent later--she is on the road to recovery.  Following my week in the hospital with her, I returned home to Big Daddy and Off Color Daughter.  Since my last Blog Post, "off-color son" has moved out into a swinging bachelor pad with three other buddies.
I was exhausted and spent much of the first day in bed getting caught up on lost rest---and it was my sexy hot 51st birthday--and yes i'll say it for you---Damn--I just get sexier, hotter--all the time!!!  
The day following this, I awoke with a headache, vomiting and other things that shall not be named--after a doctors visit-it was proclaimed that I had the flu.  Damn!!!  Another week of sickness---I spent the entire week, laid up in bed doing nothing more than sleeping---and that for sure ain't the thing anybody as sexy hot as me wants to be doing in the bed!!!!
The next Saturday--I'm finally feeling semi-normal and I go for my beautification treatment where my beautification specialist gives me my 
sexy hot short haircut.  
I have a few minutes to spare and decide to swing into the gas station for a cold iced fountain Diet Pepsi and then decide I'd swing into the local goodwill to scour for eclectic finds (I did find a cool thermos from the 70's and a little Japanese cup and saucer set).
I'm doing my Goodwill Scan--walking up and down the aisles of the store--looking sexy hot from my new hair cut and trying to be inconspicuous because 
who wants to be seen at the Goodwill--right?
I'm about to finish my rounding track and am just getting ready to head to the cash register and I get stuck in a line of people with baskets full of "shit".  
I take a detour and head around the back of the store because I'm feeling all goodwill claustrophobic---just as I round past the furniture in the back, a grandmother in her roundish gray hair cute kind of way, looked at me and said, 
"Can you help me?"
She is sitting, so I think she wants me to perhaps help her out of the rocker she is sitting in----
I smile and simply say, "Sure, I'll be Glad to help!!!"
FAMOUS LAST WORDS!!!
She looks at me and simply say--
"these shoes I'm wearing are burning up my feet"
--I looked
and she had zip up plastic looking blue tennis shoes on --they looked like they were made out of those rubber things that crocs are made from....
She proceeds to say--
"I'm gonna donate them 'cause I don't like them--can you help me put my socks on and she pulls out a pair of diabetic black men's socks from her grandmama pocketbook"
I feel myself think in my head---
"Oh no---not feet---" as she proceeds to say, "Can you help me put these socks on?"
I smile underneath thinking, "what the hell"
and
then I tell myself in my head---one day--you just might be a sexy hot grandma sitting in the goodwill and you might need a little help....so I stoop down trying not to cringe.
I do not like feet--my feet or anybody's feet.
Toenails gross me out....
feet-well they serve us well and I do appreciate the way they carry us from here to there 
and for the way
they grant me access into Holy connections with both the Earth and the Creator---
but touching someones feet--someone I don't know............oh..I don't know about this i say in my head....
I feel myself giving myself the pep talk and I kneel down at her feet.
Ms. Goodwill Grandmama's feet are not in good shape.  She has some of those thick yellow nails on her Big toes,
Her feet--I swear need about a gallon of lotion and I can feel my OCD kicking in as her skin starts to flake as I pull on the socks over her swollen feet.
As I am kneeling---kneeling in the aisle at Goodwill,
I begin to reflect upon the biblical stories I'd been told over the years
and wondered how 
they might be woven into this Goodwill tale....
I began to feel the connection to God,
to the world
to humanity if you will
and by the time I 
started to try and pull on the second sock---
I feel myself 
feeling compassion for the woman who asked me for help.....
Will I wash another's feet--not without an internal argument or feeling myself sweat up after I'd said yes.....
but
for 
this day
I am thankful
thankful for a moment of 
Holy connection
for burning bush
scaly feet
big toenail
moments
that 
caused me
to remember
that 
both 
and
the woman
are children of the same creator
and
thus---
putting on socks
of a woman with ugly feet
in the middle of Goodwill where I was trying to play 
incognito...
well
the 
Goodwill Floor 
became 
Holy Ground for me
sacred if you will
and for a brief moment
i felt as if
I too should be taking off my shoes
for the presence of "That Which IS"
walked by and brushed right up against me
while I was kneeling.....

so for this day--
I will proclaim my gratitude 
for
a moment 
of 
with the Goodwill Grandmama where
I was changed.

....
May we all
become willing to say
Yes-
when we are asked for help
and
allow
the Holy
to somehow 
meet us with our biggest 
repulsions
to change us
forever..
May it be so...
May it be so...

so good to be with you again...

be a great day...
"the radical rambler"

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Extraordinary Ordinary

“...the endless repetition of an ordinary miracle.” 
― Orhan PamukSnow

Light thin dust coating everything in site...
everything just looks white
with a bit of glisten as rays of light strike their 
unique spots.

I stand in awe at the wonder of such an 
ordinary morning but then 
take a closer look

tiny little particles 
so 
small it is impossible to
differentiate where one ends and another begins
uniquely shaped but
yet somehow joined together 

life
sometimes
seems
so ordinary
so mundane
but 
when one looks 
closer
allows space for Holy magnificence 
to overtake
us...
then
even the tiniest
smallest of 
ordinary
can 
and 
will become
extraordinary.

Today
many of us prepare ourselves for
Advent festivities
for a baby in a manger
for star shining brightly
for smelly shepherds and wise magi
moving toward 
something
bigger than themselves
........
May each of us
take just a moment
and
allow the wonder of
ordinary---no matter what that may be in your world---
to simply 
overtake you
....
It will be Extraordinary
much like
the layer of white dust 
I see on the ground
upon closer look
something so
uniquely
extraordinary it cannot fully be described
other
than
wonder!

Blessings to each of you this holiday season.....

the radical rambler


Monday, December 9, 2013

Sunshine...

"Sun, sun, sun, here it comes 
Little darlin' I feel the ice is slowly meltin' 
Little darlin' it seems like years since it's been clear 
Here come the sun, here comes the sun 
And I say it's all right 
Here come the sun, here comes the sun 
It's all right, it's all right” 
― George HarrisonThe Beatles Illustrated Lyrics


sometimes
there are no words
only empty 
feelings 
bombarding against 
the 
inside of my shell
I feel
but cannot even begin to articulate what is happening inside
alone
isolated
unconnected
disengaged

....
I look out on the horizon
feeling dark and lone
when the first ray of light shoots through the darkness...

the Sun
She rises
blinks through the clouds wiping the sleep away...
"Good Morning"
she says to me...
"so good to see you"
Have a great day to day...
and
remember
"you are loved."

The Sun.....she meets me....and beckons me onward....

thankful this morning
for 
the 
Sunshine.

Be a great day............Blessings....................

The Radical Rambler


Saturday, November 16, 2013

Dancing in the Street or twerking at Kroger....either is okay!!!

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”

― Friedrich Nietzsche

I've been thinking about dancing all morning, wondering if
movement of the body is an act to allow joy to explode in the world.
This all came about as I was driving for my job the other day---sexy hot has a new job--which often requires me to move from one site to another-that away I get to spread sexy hotness all over the city--a little at a time.  It really is too much for it to all be in one location, you know.
I was stopped at the light and was staring to the side, when I saw
a head bobbing coming up from the bottom of the hill.
The first thing I saw was this crazy stand-up frizzed blond hair,
moving and bobbing in the wind...
couldn't see much else, but I watched thinking it must be from a stroke victim or perhaps a 
CP patient--it was somewhat spastic in nature.  The hill was steep, so I watched thinking I might need to pull over and help the person up
and 
suddenly his face pops up
...
young man
camo jacket
torn blue jeans
head bobbing
and mouth moving
and
I think..
perhaps he just escaped from the 'mental hospital'
just down the street.
I am now truly intrigued...
what the hell i think...
suddenly I realize what is happening...
this young man has his earphones in
and
as he is walking to the city bus stop
he is singing and 
dancing (well I supposed that is what he was doing)
with no care in the world
no worries about who might see or who might judge and didn't even 
seem to care what this sexy hotness sitting in the car might think...
he was just being
being absorbed into the beat of 
the music,
absorbed into singing
absorbed into moving 
and
I thought...
I guess that might be what Joy looks like...
it invited me
to step out of my car and dance..
and I thought about it for a minute
but the light turned green.--and I drove off.
...
I wondered why I am not that free
free to dance and sing 
and
be
why I haven't released that piece of me
Joy
for the world to see
and
perhaps they are not ready for it..
but perhaps one
day
if you see a head bobbing and moving
in tie-dyed splendor
perhaps..
just perhaps,
someone will
say
"hey did you see that sexy hotness
dancing in the street?  I wish I was brave enough to do that?"

Now off color daughter is not so shy...
she sometimes amazes me with her 
willingness to make another smile...
Not long ago, we were perusing a local goodwill
searching for eclectic finds 
she found a pair of Gold Glitter
five inch 
platform 
Hooker Heels--I mean it
they must have come from 
a dancer or drag queen...
I laughed when she said she wanted them...
but loaned her the cash to get them...
After we left, we were on our way to the local grocery store...
in the parking lot
off color daughter
puts on the "hooker heels" which go well with her black running pants...
We head in
and
I watch a smile spread across every person who saw her...
and
i have to laugh now at how she kept a straight face as she held my arm to steady her walk...
when we entered the shampoo aisle...
she let go and handed me her phone..
she said 
"tape this"
and
I watched
and
just as someone walked by...
she did it..
unashamed in her hooker heels and running pants

she did it..
she started twerking in the aisle at the grocery store....
and
I laughed until I almost peed my pants.

I've thought alot about 
dancing this morning..
dancing in the street
and
twerking in the Kroger
and
wondered 
what keeps most of us 
from allowing our bodies to just go with the flow and
model joy...

one day
perhaps when the world 
least expects
sexy hot
will 
break open
and
spread the world
with 
a bit of 
sexy hot
dancing...

Until then...
just 
Dance yourself.

have a great Saturday morning...
blessings.

The radical rambler

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Presence....

“Maybe journey is not so much a journey ahead, or a journey into space, but a journey into presence.” ― Nelle MortonThe Journey is Home

Presence
sometimes
in the fogginess of life
in the midst of crazy
unexpected 
twists and turns
when we least expect and
when we least want
to encounter it
God--Great Mystery--foggy presence
moves over us
sneaks right up on us
in the midst of coffee and silence
settles around and over and
in the very space and air that we breathe without us ever inviting IT to come.

It had been a crazy week for me--one of the most earth shattering--take me to my knees kind of weeks
and all around me
moving and bumping into me 
people
who I knew and didn't know
...
they
humans of all unique kinds
they
held me up
pulled me up
bathed me in love and prayer
and
Hope
and
I stand back
gazing out into the unknown future
...thankful...
thankful for that Mystery
foggy presence
that i can't see or touch or taste
just trust and know it is there
vibrating electrons of love
moving over all us
here on this little planet.

as I almost hit the bottom
breath knocked right out of me
....she waved...
..he hugged..
...prayer--however it works...
floated out by people who knew my name and people
who had no clue who I was 
not one knowing why they were speaking my name
or what I needed...
but they did...

It is a strange thing..
this mystery..
this connection we have with each other
our binding tie 
knotted in love
....
Thankful
for the smile
the touch
the hug without asking
the text
the wave from someone who nobody else notices
but she saw me
the Kleenex
...
Thankful
that when 
I can't breathe
someone or something
so much bigger than myself
Foggy Mystery
Atomic Electrons of love
move out into the Universe
move up
swirl around
knock against my armor and sneak in the cracks
to save me
...
thankful 
that HOPEFUL MYSTERY
meets me
....
through people 
whose name 
I do not know
and
by 
"things"
I do not understand...

thankful that hope floats back on up again
pulling me with it...

have a wonderful day
...
stand back
look out into the foggy presence
and
let it catch you
and
lift you
into it to...
Hope that is...

The radical rambler

Saturday, October 12, 2013

what am I waiting for???


“She knocked and waited, because when the door was opened from within, it had the potential to lead someplace quite different.” 
― Laini TaylorDaughter of Smoke & Bone

it
--the closed and locked door-
is an illusional shell
helping me pretend 

I can't
I don't know how
I'm not good enough

it
--the closed and locked door--
is my protection
keeping me
in my own way of thinking
safe
seperated
content
-which is the lie I tell myself--
...

It
--the closed and locked door--
holds me back
keeps me at bay
keeps me from my truest self

it
--that thing that keeps my hand off the lock--
is
fear
distrust
memory of hurt so deep it still feels sharp
causes pain to rise up inside of me

I stare
I wonder
I feel my hand reach out to the door
it shakes and it trembles
my heartbeat quickens
excitement moves up inside of me
I'm still afraid

I touch the cold lock
it is not as scary as it looks
I lean on the door
listening to see if I can
hear the Mystery on the other side
or feel ITS warmth
trembling to my toes
I wait...
wait for some
miraculous sign or rhyme to tell me
tell me it is time
time to
claim
that truest part of myself
the parts other people see already but i pretend they don't.

Something pulls me to the door
it feels like an invisible lasso pulling tight against my heart
I run my hand over the latch
flick it a bit
and
I wait
for for just the right moment
to
claim
the
God Gift part of myself
I try to deny.

my heart races
my gut trembles
I am still afraid
but
IT
-that God thing that I don't understand-
It calls me
beckons
me
plays a tune
I can barely resist
I feel my foot tap
and
the atomic notes rise inside my soul
it unwakes an intrinsic memory from the DNA of my cells

Perhaps
the fear of staying the same
of always
resisting the "calling of the Mystery"
of pretending I can't hear
is scarier
than the
unknown on the other side

I listen

I stand
...
I wait

what am I waiting for??????

I don't know....


Happy Saturday
from a
radical rambler
with early morning
ponderings.....