baptized in sacred love.....

All the answers you may wish for lie within faith, but it demands a complete and incontinent surrender, an immersion as total as any baptism. Indeed baptism is a kind of enactment of the surrender: you bathe in faith, you swim in it, you live by it, surrounded by it, buoyed up by it, engulfed by it. You drown in it, for at times it takes your breath away as entirely as any lungful of water.... All the answers lie in faith; and when you lose your faith you have no choice but to substitute for if a philosophy that deliberately and coldly offers no answers at all.

SIMON MAWER, The Gospel of Judas

the lights dimmed

and

music began to play...

"holy holy holy" 

was being sung by a woman in the background

I'm sure there were 4000 eyes on us...

on my son 

and

on me...

the moment

the very

the moment

my feet  touched the water

I could feel my tears 

begin to well

slide from the depths of my soul and

drip down the edges of my face

....

The Sacred

moves in 

she/he/it

comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes and fashions...

is blown through the world in 

all kinds of ways

but

on 

this night

thoughts flew through my mind at the speed of light

quickly and deeply jumping..and she/he/it grabbed me

in a way I can't quite describe.

I thought

about 

birth

and

death

and 

resurrection power

and 

life

....

the water was warm

it swirled

I could smell the faint smell of chlorine as I stepped

deeper and deeper into the baptismal 

pool 

of 

the church where off color son had been attending...

I was surprised when he asked me

honored if you will...

and

so

into the water

just plain old water

drawn into a pool 

much like most of us 

draw for our bath or use for swimming in a pool

or

akin to the water that drops off the edge of our umbrellas on a stormy day

...

but

yet..

in the subtle

space

of my mind

of my spirit

something

rushed over me...

moved me

opened me up

and

I stood

hands on my son

God's son

and

looked into his eyes....

and

I was lost

lost in love

lost in sacred

lost in God if you will...

I thought of

how he floated in a watery pool inside my womb,

how he struggled 

to enter the world

in much the way 

I've watched him struggle 

over the past few months

to find his way...

water 

it swirled

moved over

 around both of us

flowed 

flowed

from the space

somewhere and someplace 

that began at the genesis of time

and

flowed

flowed over rock

and

mountain 

into stream and lake and pond and ocean

rose

up

rained down

flowed over ancestors

over 

grandparents

parents

over 

me

and

now

over 

him--off color son----

I don't know what i said

couldn't tell you the words I uttered to him

because the sacred took over

and

love

...

love

moved 

over me

over

him

over us

.....

I held his back

touched his heart

and

back 

i took him

into the warmth of

the watery pool

and

just as quickly

I pulled him up

up 

into the heavens 

from out of the sacred pool

love

love

it swirled

moved

grabbed hold

held on

and

I felt a wet shirt pull me close

as 

off color son's arms

wrapped around me...

and

we stood

in the midst of water and darkness and light and music and love

in the midst of something so sacred I can't explain it.

Baptism

washing away sins

buried in the watery grave

new life?

....

i don't quite understand all of it...

just know it was important to him...

what I 

do understand

is 

love

love that flows

out into the atmosphere grabs hold

washes over us

claims us

helps us forgive our self

saves us if you will

...

love 

it 

leads us back 

to rebirth

time and time again...

and

for this

I am thankful...

thankful for off color son

for the contentment I see in his face

for a conservative church who will let an 

edgy liberal woman minister 

step into the baptismal waters

and

for 

life

...

for the way it ebbs and flows and moves...

and for the way

sacredness

sneaks upon us

and

captures us

takes us away

if you will

to 

a place we can't describe

....Indeed baptism is a kind of enactment of the surrender: you bathe in faith, you swim in it, you live by it, surrounded by it, buoyed up by it, engulfed by it. You drown in it, for at times it takes your breath away as entirely as any lungful of water..

I suppose the writer of this quote had it right...

it is an act of surrender

and

what I realize

is

I

i don't give in to the surrender very often...

I fight it

wrestle with it

wear myself out

....

but 

finally

 in moments 

I least expect

I find myself

standing

in the midst 

of warm re birthing water

on sacred ground

and

love...

love comes

and

takes over...

for this

I am thankful...

thankful for off color son who

has found his way

thankful

for

sacred water

for life

and

most of all

for love....

Have a happy Saturday...

may you too

stand for a moment

and 

feel the sacredness

move over you

as you stand on the beach 

in the tub

or in the rain....

love..

love from the genesis

will wash over you 

and

restore your soul.

blessings..

the radical rambler

Every Little Thing wants...........love!

“I hadn't been out to the hives before, so to start off she gave me a lesson in what she called 'bee yard etiquette'. She reminded me that the world was really one bee yard, and the same rules work fine in both places. Don't be afraid, as no life-loving bee wants to sting you. Still, don't be an idiot; wear long sleeves and pants. Don't swat. Don't even think about swatting. If you feel angry, whistle. Anger agitates while whistling melts a bee's temper. Act like you know what you're doing, even if you don't. Above all, send the bees love. Every little thing wants to be loved.”
― Sue Monk Kidd, The Secret Life of Bees

I love almost everything that Sue Monk Kidd writes.  Her fictional pieces are woven with implicit and sometimes explicit images of the feminine divine, as in the case of secret life of bees and her writing invites me to far away place all the while inviting me deeper inside the places of my own heart.  Her autobiographical pieces, The Dance of the Dissident Daughter and the more recent book she co-wrote with her daughter, share what appears to be her unedited version of internal theological wrestling.  Perhaps, that's why I am always so inspired by the things she writes.  She is unafraid to struggle with life and love and the Mystery of the Universe.  She is not afraid to pick up a new metaphor or create a new image with her words.   Reading her can be equated to a cool drink of lemonade on a sweltering summer day.  She inspires me.  She invites me to think.  She takes me to new places and uses simple things to sometimes make me say 
Ouch!

In choosing my "quote" to put underneath this picture, I was led back to her writing and when I ran upon this one---
I knew it was the one because
I had my "ouch" moment followed by a quick "aha".
Bee Yard philosophy works in many places
in the school yard, 
on the home playing field,
and
out in the work force.
It's all true you know...
"Don't be afraid"
but 
in some way or fashion
"aren't we all" but just hearing someone say this to you
doesn't it help...diffuse that restless energy of dread inside....
No life loving (key words there)
no life loving bee wants to sting you----
perhaps that is true for humans as well
no life loving human wants to hurt another human
and bear with me as I process right before your eyes--but my question becomes then---how do I know the difference between a life-loving and a life-sucking individual....
it is hard to tell sometimes you know.....
but 
she goes on to say
"don't be stupid--wear long sleeves"
I find that I zip along
move around from 
person to person
feeding off their energy,
their nectar in the same way 
others zip around lighting on me and snacking....
but 
I suppose at any given moment 
we
us humans 
can waver between life loving and life sucking kind of lines...
so 
always
wear long sleeves for those 
occasional moments 
when 
someone or something 
might cause the stinger to come out...
Don't swat
stand still
and
bring the Holy calming smoke
when necessary....
calm presence
and
just a little whistle
can often 
calm the angriest of us human bees---
I forget that quite often.
Act like you know everything
or 
in the words of another smart human whose name 
I don't know
SIN BOLDLY...
give it your all
fake it 'til you make it
and above all...
send love
every little bee wants to be loved...
now that right there is the line that grabbed me most...
every little thing wants to be loved.

I watch people all day
see bubbling reactions brewing inside
the 
crucible we call life...
I watch energizing human atoms ignite reactions
pots almost boil over
sometimes see 
a special thing where all the atoms freeze up
and the crucible's contents grow cold and rigidly frozen
or 
add in another catalyst 
and 
before 
we humans know it...
the contents are erupted
from there to here to eternity 
with 
no way to 
go back to the safe structured environment found inside
the crucible....
but 
LOVE
add in LOVE
every little thing
wants love
and
it is true
LOVE
it changes things
changes lives
changes humans
changes individuals
and
changes 
me
makes me feel cherished
valued 
embraced--so I suppose deep inside my greatest 
bumble bee enemy--they too want the same things as me....

I try to do that for other folks most often
but
then I find
that 
if I forget the long sleeves
get too close
risk exposure too much
the pain from the stings
causes me to retreat....
pull back
where 
fear
it meets me again
and the vicious cycle
it starts all over
don't be afraid,
put on long sleeves
whistle
....
today
I'm putting on my long sleeves
gonna whistle
as 
I flitter around 
from 
pod to pod
and
I will remember
the key part...

Every little thing
that man who gets on my nerves
the frightened child
the crazy woman screaming
the one with the injured heart....
...
Every little thing wants to be loved
I just gotta figure out 
what that looks like...

so
on this fine Wednesday morning
....
don't be afraid
wear long sleeves
whistle
and
above all
open up your heart and share your own nectar
....
Love changes
Love mends
Love works

Love..
Every little thing wants to be loved.

Have a great day 
outside your little hive.......

Blessings and HUGS
The Radical Rambler

Beautification Specialist Good Deed Award....

The little unremembered acts of kindness and love

 are the best parts of a person's life.

William Wordsworth

You have all heard me talk about her before--my beautification specialist--that is....

she is the one who I've talked about in previous posts

who

does beautification in all kinds of ways---

additionally

besides making 

me always look 

"sexy hot'

she also does dead people hair.

So if you haven't read about her before she's worth looking into previous posts to 

find out just how special she is.

This weekend was exceptionally difficult for the whole off color family.

As I've stated before, off color daughter is going to China in the spring.

She has been saving her money now for over a year--nickles and dimes and dollars she chose to save rather than spend--thrown together in a pickle jar

stowed way in the depths of her closet.

She had over $700.00 in her "kitty" and was known on occasion to be the

"off color" bank---making small loans to whoever needed cash at any given moment and 

keeping track of how much we owed her.

She has worked hard to assure she was going to have a good trip.

In the past month, she has had a few friends over to visit--not many--but a few.

They are all good kids, kids I like--and most of them I have come to love.

They are the only people who have been in our home besides for us Off color family

and the off color family does not steal from each other--we may borrow and we may charge interest but we don't steal.

On Friday night after the football game pickup, I was just dozing off to sleep about one am when off color daughter comes in my room frantically waking me up....

"did you take my money?"

"no", I say "drowsily.

I get up and head upstairs where she is counting.....

someone had taken $400.00 of her $700.00 out of her pickle jar and crinkled up the checks to make it look like nothing was missing.

She was heartbroken.  

I sat with her and it was one of those moments where the reality of life sinks in and a mother

knows there is nothing she can do 

no band-aid she can spring out.

I sat as she cried---cried because of her hard work---and then because

someone she loved and trusted

had basically

invaded her sacred turf with no

rhyme or reason as to why this had happened.

Off Color daughter

Humans of all kinds

do wrong things

they disappoint

they rob

they lie

they steal

I'm sorry 

that you've been dealt such a blow

but

it is true

bad things happen

people let their desire override their conscious

and

people take what is not theirs

dammit to hell

.....

I don't like it

pissed me off

wanted to call the cops

but 

I didn't.

We will work to replace the stolen funds

and

we will watch

carefully and closely 

to see who

suddenly has 

some new toy 

or new clothes

or 

new something.

......

Friends do not steal.

The next morning

I had an appointment with my beautification specialist who is always responsible for 

making me look 

my sexiest hottest......

and 

I must say 

she did another fabulous job this Saturday.

While she was clipping away,

I allowed her to be my therapist for a moment

as she listened to my

lament over the thieves that entered our world

.....

her heart broke just like mine

and

she tried to reframe the situation 

the best she could.

I told her I was leaving to take the

pickle jar money to the bank....

our conversation moved forward 

and we 

talked about 

friends and "fifty shades"

and

children and life

and

when I went to pay her

she did it...

did what I didn't expect...

she became a glimmer of light on a dark day

a ray of hope

a piece of joy....

as I paid, she unzipped her little bank bag and 

simply said,

"sometimes bad things happen for a reason---sometimes we don't know why"

but

when you go home

take this $20.00 and give it to off color daughter 

to start rebuilding her adventure fund.

I could feel the tears well up in my eyes....

for 

on 

a dark 

gloomy morning

after a hard night

my beautification specialist did it...

rose above the dark 

night

and

became a glimmer of light

renewing 

my belief in the goodness of people.

just a glimmer of goodness

a ray of hope

makes the world of difference 

when standing inside a dark cave....

Thank you dear beautification specialist

for 

being

one of my rituals in life

for smiling and laughing 

and

being off color.

Thank you for your heart

your love

and

for teaching 

my family 

that 

even on bad days

there are good people

with good hearts left in the world

who do incredible little deeds 

that shift the perspective of life.

and to

whoever

it is 

who stole my daughters money

Shame

shame

shame 

on you!!!!!

Happy Sunday....

The radical rambler

Going Inside the Sanctuary...

 "Faith is different from theology because theology is reasoned, systematic, and orderly,

 whereas faith is disorderly, intermittent, and full of surprises....

 Faith is homesickness. 

Faith is a lump in the throat. 

Faith is less a position on than a movement toward, less a sure thing than a hunch.

 Faith is waiting." 

"Frederick Buechner"

Faith...

I suspect that even 

in the midst of my dark nights of the soul

somehow, someway

that 

intuitive part of my DNA 

has always known and always 

believed--

--in spite of all

my doubtful

skeptical kind of ways

that 

there is 

a Mystery of sorts

and

I don't mean a bearded guy sitting up in the sky with a record book---

but 

something

Energy

Molecules

Creative Wonder

that 

was/is/will

always be

bigger and more powerful than myself.

I suspect

this Mystery

or my Faith in the Mystery

has been  and continues to be

part of my "saving grace"--whatever those words mean--

or should I say

my sanctuary of sorts.

I can't always say

that 

my intellect

can or will ever be able to define 

this Mystery

and

I'll admit

I don't always get it even a little bit...

but

there is something

that draws me

sustains me

holds me

enfolds me

.....

IT

MYSTERY

calls me home when I once again lose my way 

IT

pulls me 

toward 

CREATIVE WONDER

goodness

mercy

and

IT

offers me grace.

I don't get IT.

Can't define IT.

but

in the midst of 

my ordinary 

day...

IT comes

comes in the air I breathe

in the wind on my face

in the sun on my skin....

It is in 

atoms of note and voice 

zooming through the atmosphere

hitting 

membrane moving

jumping synapses and entering my brain....

IT

is 

in every person I encounter

IT is the Sun, the moon, the stars...

the trees, blade of grass and even atom of dirt.

Creative Mystery

Saving Grace

chaotic

frenzified

wonderfully awe inspiring...

My Sanctuary.

and even when I can't admit what IT is I believe in

I sense IT

feel IT

and

am held up by IT.

Sanctuary....

Home...

Blessings on this Thursday Morning.....

The Radical Rambler....

Peaceful Tide.........

“I know what I have to do now,

 I’ve got to keep breathing because tomorrow the sun will rise. 

Who knows what the tide could bring?”
Cast Away (2000) 

The moments of our life

roll in and roll out

and

on any given morning

much like today

we stand there

listening to the water

feeling the sand

cool breeze on our face

and watching the tide move

and

it happens to us

sometimes all at once

other mornings it takes a bit 

 as we stand there--

 all awe-like and burning bush struck

at the waters edge

...

 right there

on the edge of our moment

all mesmerized

looking

hoping

and all the while

searching

for 

the hidden treasure

we

call meaning

it rolls over us....

Peace that is...

Some days,

just like the tide

life 

brings to us 

little shells and tiny pebbles 

and

pieces of wonder

that glimmer and attract us.

Some days there is just sea weed

all tangled up from the 

stormy night

and

sometimes

yes sometimes

there comes the 

slimy creatures 

of great beauty

that 

cause great pain.

.....

Life

stand in awe

as 

the tide rolls in

and 

grab hold 

of 

all the hidden treasures.

Even on days we get stung or step on a piece of 

garbage vomited from the sea,

may we stand with gratitude 

for 

life and breath and warmth..

and when re framed as such

well

that in itself is amazing.

For the tide 

comes

and 

the tide goes

and as 

longs as it is coming in....

we are living

and

that my friends

is 

enough this morning

to 

take a moment

breathe in the wonder of THE MYSTERY

and

be at peace.

May the tide

bring 

to you

hidden treasures

and 

Peace.

Blessings.........

The Radical Rambler