Bold Enough to be..............Original!!!!

"Originality implies being bold

enough to go beyond accepted norms."

Anthony Storr

John Mason said, "You were born an original, don't buy a copy."

I have to wonder when it happens,

when the thin line between original and copied merge,

become blurred,

sometimes,

even becomes obsolete.

Is it shortly after birth,

or perhaps when that first person laughs at us,

Is it the first roll of the eye

or

when someone begins to ignore us because we are too

different,

strange,

abnormal,

compared to societal standards?

We humans

strange creatures that we are,

 spend so much time,

trying to be like each other

that

somehow

we lose

the wonder

of being

the original copy--the one unlike any other--

we feel ashamed, embarrassed, unwelcome

to

be free to be me.

What is it in us

that allows us

to give ourselves up so easily?

I love original people,

those

who are so comfortable in their own skin,

that it

is

almost

second nature

to both

be

themselves

while at the same time,

loving and accepting

everyone else

for what they are and who they are...

there doesn't seem to be many originals left in the world.

To be

free

comfortable

and

actually love

our own skin

in

a society

that

encourages

us

to buy the same jeans,

the expensive tennis shoes,

or the fashion shirt

the day

--

Courage and heart and spunk and self-love

only then

can

we

be strong enough

brave enough

free

enough

to

be free of the protective camouflage sameness

that

allows humankind to blend together in

a

bland sameness mush.

Original

that is the happening place,

comfortable within the skin

we are given,

Free enough to spread out our wings

and

allow the true colors of self

to explode and pop out in boldness

to

add a little color

to

a

camouflaged world.

On this night

take a few minutes and go inside

find your inner spirit

and

let it fly.

Go forth in boldness

leaving behind the copy the world

has placed on you...

Fling the door open and scream,

Look at me world

I'm me!!!

and

it feels pretty damn good!

Think about it

and

live a life of boldness

and

original color.

hugs and blessings...

Seasonal Shifts....

"You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind,

but you can change yourself.  

That is something you have charge of."

Jim Rohn.

In the subtle shift of tides,

a slight coolness begins to settle over the surface,

the green of the summer grass begins to become tinged and spotted with a crisp fading shade of brown and tan.

The leaves on the trees,

droop

in an obvious removal of nutrients,

they hang their heads down now,

leaves curling on the ends,

colors fading,

painting the world with their brilliant shaded art for

just a few days

before falling to the ground,

crisp and brown,

to

become part of the cycle...

crunched,

trodden,

recycled if you will.

The coolness moves over me...

I feel a shift inside that I can't quite explain...

old stuff begins to fall away,

dropping off,

finally going away,

I feel inside

a surge of hope,

something...

ever so slightly is shifting

as the

rhythm of the world

moves forward.

There is an energy inside

that I haven't felt before,

it churns,

excites me about life,

prods me toward the Universal Beckon

that I've tried to ignore.

I can't stop the seasons,

can't change the world overnight,

the wind blows where it may,

and

circumstances

 change from moment to moment.

As the new fall seasons

comes rushing toward me,

I too am changing,

changing in ways I can't explain.

I can't wait to see the glory of my new color,

not sure the world is quite ready for it.

But

for today,

I rest in the rhythm of the change

and

embrace it.

Seasonal shifts...

they

come and they go....

we can embrace them...

or

ignore them...

Today

I choose to feel the turn of tide,

smile in the midst of the cool air,

savor the colorful leaves beginning to splash the sky,

and

I wait,

for

that thing,

that thing inside

to unfold

and

color

the world just a bit more.

Have a great day,

Be a great day,

and

change the world,

color the world,

embrace the world,

where ever you stand.

Hugs and Blessings

Are you satisfied?......

Open your eyes and look within.

Are you satisfied with the life your livin'?

Bob Marley

Are you?

satisfied that is?

I found this Bob Marley quote interesting. 

It invited me to think a bit about my own level of satisfaction.

Am I satisfied?

As I asked myself, I heard the rattle of the question around within my head a rambling question....

What is satisfaction--what does it mean?

so I looked it up....

Satisfaction:  fulfillment of one's expectations, wishes, needs or the pleasure derived from such.

Hum...Satisfaction....

Am I satisfied?

That is the question of the evening?

right now.....do I have it?

I look back on the past years of my life.

Early years I spent trying to finish school, trying to become something,

something that would contribute to society, make my family proud, pay my bills

and

ultimately change the world in some small or big way.

My ambition's were often big...way bigger than necessary.

After getting my BS degree, I continued to take classes.

At first, I was going to go to med school---and then after working 60 hour weeks working in blood banking and bone marrow harvesting and t-cell depletion---I decided that it wasn't the life for me.

I continued to take classes---at this point in my life---if I had to provide a number for the number of hours I have accumulated over the years---well let's just say the number is way, way, up there.

I wanted to go to med school---mainly because it was a way for me to fulfill my longing to provide people with tools for healing---it has taken me a long time to realize that the tools I wanted to give are often the last offered in the realm of medicine---the spiritual aspect of healing.

I suppose that was the only way I knew to venture into the realm of ministry without actually having to say that was what I was doing.

Then there was my pharmacy phase, my specialty in blood bank and immunohematology phase,

my adventure diving into histology and the tiny bugs or microbes found in the study of microbiology.

I pushed myself to work hard at my career, climbing up the career ladder. 

I soon became a supervisor in the health care setting and found it to be fulfilling to a degree.

After several years in this position, I became discontent and bored with the work.

I took another supervisor position in a tertiary care center.   This challenged me for a while

and then my discontent began to rumble once again.....

I got antsy and even though I was now married with two tiny children,

I felt the pull to leave my job

and

finally pursue

a vocational calling of a life in ministry.

In seminary, I was driven to excel.  I studied hard, often at the cost of my children and my husband.

When I look back on this time---there were many lost memories where I had my nose in a scholarly book doing intellectual head work, when I should have been sitting on the floor

playing Lego's and reading and coloring with my children----hindsight is often painful.

I left seminary with visions of fulfilling my life-long dream of becoming a pastor.

I interviewed all over the U.S.  I traveled and sent out papers and wrote letters and answered questionnaires.   My hopes got up more times than I can count and the level of disappointment rose each time I would be down to the last two candidates and the male would be chosen over me.

My heart broke in half as I discovered the church was often more a center for business than a center for healing and hope and love.  After seeking a full-time call for two years, while working part-time in a church, I decided to pull my papers.   For financial reasons, I decided to go back to work in health care and preach and do retreats on the side.

I was bitter, hurt, discontent and angry at what I thought was a useless journey.

My work in health care was difficult and while I loved being with patients,

the other issues of working in an institution have often left me frustrated,

feeling hopeless and sometimes angry.

I couldn't seem to get 'no satisfaction'.

Then one morning after hiking with a minister friend in Indiana, I called my husband.  "Big Daddy sounded breathless and when I asked what was going on, he described the symptoms of a heart attack. He was 47.  His father had his first heart attack at 47 and his grandfather died of a heart attack at the age of 47.   I begged him to call 911.  He refused saying he wouldn't go until I returned home. 

I jumped in the car--scared out of my mind---and drove like a bat out of hell back home.

I packed a quick bag and then stubborn Big Daddy went to a job interview on the way to a the hospital--he was sweating, could barely walk or talk..but he went to the interview.

Needless to say he did not get the job!!!!

By the time I dropped him at the ER and parked the car, he was really out of breath.

I got inside and they were already working on him.

Fear rose inside of me.....my insides screamed....I pulled from my pastoral presence and tried to hold a calm demeanor for Big Daddy.  Within 15 minutes he was on the way to a heart cath where he had two stents put in.

Life as I knew it.....ended that day.

I thought of all the times I'd wasted,

not paying attention to Big Daddy,

not enjoying my family,

not being present to them because i was working in my head....

something switched....

all that dissatisfaction...

all the discontent...

all the pushing and searching and seeking...

well

Life shifted...

ever so subtle for me in that moment....

I realized..

all i have is the present moment...

can't go back...

not promised another one...

so

I now try to make the best of

the one moment I have right now,

right here...

well that's what I've got....

and

it is enough.

Each moment..

it is a gift...

to be lived,

to be cherished,

to offer our love to the world.

to change it ..

bit by bit..

person by person.

I'm not work driven anymore,

i am more present centered....

and

that dear friends

allows me now to say it...

Satisfaction....

ah yes..

I know what that is....

I've got it and it is good...

Life is good.

My cup runneth over, my heart springs with joy,

and

the love I've held inside all this time is bubbling out to the world.

I am satisfied...that's what I am!

If you are struggling to find it yourself,

get quiet for a minute,

look inside..

find what brings it

and

hold onto it with all you've got....

Satisfaction...

it is worth the surrender.

I promise.

Have a wonderful night,

hugs and blessings.





what do you mean, I'm not funny???

Jerry:  "Oh this is funny? I'm being funny?"

Elaine: "Yeah."

Jerry: "George is this funny?"

George:  "It's funny! (to Elaine) and it wouldn't kill you to not be so funny either..."

Seinfeld, episode The Visa

It was a wonderful Sabbath of a Sunday.  I got up early, let the dogs outside, fed them and had my usual cup of coffee.  Big Daddy got up, read the paper and we looked at each other and almost at the same time had the same idea.....We headed back to bed!!!---for another nap.  We ended up sleeping until after ten, which was fabulously divine.   Later in the day, off color son came home from his friends house.  While we were in the kitchen talking, I told him how lucky he was to have a sexy hot mama like me.  He and Big Daddy stated that I was getting "cocky" about my sexy hotness.

On top of being so sexy hot, i told off color son, I also have really big muscles and could do an upside down hand stand against the wall and then do a push up.   They really laughed at that one...but one of these days...when I'm not afraid of breaking my neck....I just might show them how sexy hot strong I am.

Off color daughter needed a ride to her study group....she started in early trying to make me take a shower and get dressed because she likes to be on time.  We left the house about thirty minutes early and when we got to the coffee shop where her study group was meeting, she realized that she was the first on there and I suppose that must be some kind of study group faux pas---she said, "just park and wait for Becca to get here."   I rolled my eyes and said, "how long will I have to wait?"  She said, "twenty minutes or so...." 

I think for a minute and then say, "Well I did want to stop down by the dog park and take a few pics of some stuff I saw there, how about we drive there and I'll jump out of the car and take my pics.  It will just take a few minutes and then I'll drive you back."  She didn't like the idea but I drove off anyway.

She sits in the car while i grab my camera and head down the path.  The shot above was one of my finds today.   The sun is shining and I'm getting in my mode and completely forget about "off color daughter" roasting in the car.  After i take 45 shots, I hear someone yelling my name and I look up.  There comes "off color daughter" heading toward me and steam is coming out her ears.  "Now, you have made me late.  Didn't you hear me yelling for you?  I thought you said it would just take a minute."

I said, "it has just been a minute."

She screamed, "it has been twenty minutes and now I'm really late, come on and get in the car, NOW!

While we are driving, I try to make conversation with her.

I said, "just think, I can be a conversation piece with your friends, I bet they don't take pics and I bet their mom doesn't write a blog...."

She rolled her eyes and said, "No my friends have "normal" moms."

I say, "but at least I'm funny and sexy hot you know."

She looks at me and then proceeded to try to hurt my feelings....

"Your not funny and your blog is not funny either.  It is weird....too full of "Jesus" Goddy talk about being all you can be....that is boring and way to deep---you should talk about me and how funny I am and say funny things like you met a "dumb ass guy and ....."

I laughed and said, "I am too funny...so funny...you just don't know what funny is...."

We arrive back at the coffee shop and off color daughter gets out of Big Daddy's car--we had to take that because she was embarrassed to ride in my ghetto Mobil of a van with liberal bumper stickers on the back panels.  She runs off like she doesn't even know me---if I were her, I'd have asked my sexy hot funny mother to come on inside and have coffee with my friends.

Big Daddy and I finished the afternoon with another nap---what a restful, peaceful day.

The only "goddy" thing that happened was this:

Just as I was coming into the house, I noticed one of my little caterpillars was caught in a spider web inside the door frame.  He was wiggling and struggling to get free...the spider had wrapped a strand around his butt, but he was hanging and moving and I suppose screaming in a Caterpillar kind of way.

I stood and watched.

I wondered if this was the circle of life kind of thing....

I mean the spider does have to eat.

I started to go inside but my heart started beating and I remembered the story a friend of mine told me a couple weeks ago.

She had been walking on a hot steamy day.  She said she saw a large earthworm crawling across the sidewalk.  She said that she had the impulse to pick it up and put it in the grass but instead stepped over it.  On her return to home, she walked past the same place and looked down at the earthworm all shriveled up, dead on the hot sidewalk.

She said," i don't get it...that little earthworm has haunted me all weekend.  I feel guilty that I thought about helping it and then didn't....isn't that crazy?"

I stood there gazing at the struggle and I couldn't leave him there hanging to become the next soupy meal for Mrs. Spider. I didn't need any "catepillar guilt."

I set down my purse and put my finger in the web and

loosened up the silk attached to his tail.

I helped it down to the concrete and watched it crawl hurriedly away. 

I was watching and Big daddy came down the stairs and said,

"what are you doing there, just standing?"

I look at him and smile,

"saving a Caterpillar...look how happy he is!"

BIG DADDY JUST SMILED, shook his head and headed back upstairs!

Okay, so I'll admit it...

I may be a bit weird,

I may be "not so normal"

but

off color daughter and off color son...

you two are lucky children

to

have

such a strong, funny, sexy hot mama....

and

don't you forget it!!!!

one day I'll show you that I can do one of those

off the wall upside down push ups.  I just don't want to show you up!!!

What do you mean, I'm not funny!

I'm really funny!

Have a wonderful Sunday Evening!

Hugs and Blessings,

from

the

sexy hot strong and funny

radical southern rambler.

Pumping through my veins....

The same stream of life that runs through the world runs through my veins in rhythmic measure.

It is the same that shoots in joy through the dust of earth into numberless waves of flowers.

Rabindranath Tagore

Way back when,

long before our story began,

existed

something

I don't know what that something is..

perhaps

just nothingness.

And something happened,

mystical and GOD-like,

a pulsing of sort,

energizing waves,

move out into the nothingness

and

somethingness occurs.

I don't understand it,

can't even begin to wrap my analytical scientist mind around it,

but

on days like to day,

when i look closely at the little things in the world,

the tiny, minute, nuances,

like

little veins running through leaves

I stand all awe-like,

mystery struck

amazed by the

intracate artwork of the Divine kind,

colors swirling together,

textures woven,

Mysterious creation,

and

I realize

that

I myself am privy to the same

sort of

amazing design,

 veins bring in water,

brought down from the sky

up through their thirsty vines,

feeding even the very edges of the tiniest, smallest leaf edge,

it pulses in waves that come

when need beckons,

Divine water,

Dew Breath of God,

pulses from the

onset of time

flowing in rhythmic waves into

the eternal unknown or so the story goes,

and

inside of me

Holy Breath,

magnificant love,

flows throughout my veins,

soothing my soul,

birthing my spirit,

enfolding

inside of me

moving out of me

in

an unexplainable way.

Just like the river that runs through,

so

Divine atoms of love,

waves of hope,

speckles of faith,

move through me,

out of me

pulse in my veins

and

it runs through all of us....

pulsing,

connecting

us

in

a sea of love.

Take a moment to gaze at the sky,

look at the stars,

watch the sun come up and break into the darkeness...

The world's veins are full of miraculous finds...

just open up

and

see.

blessings and hugs...

Get busy living......

'Get busy living or get busy dying"

Shawshank Redemption

Life

it is short,

We rise up from a seed,

all curled up and wet,

unfold,

stretch out,

dry off,

rest in the sunshine,

push our roots down into ancestral soil,

grow some more,

breath,

let our arms stretch out to capture the energy of life,

color the world

with all we have...

grow old,

dry up,

drop to the ground,

become atoms for another....

Life is short..

so

Let's get busy living.........

or

else

busy our self with the other--getting ready to die.

Life...

it is short.

In the movie, Tuedays' with Morrie, Morris says to his student,

....

dying is one thing to be sad about....living unhappy....now that is another!

I've had periods of both

and

happiness...

that is what I choose.

Make a choice today...

to live in fullness,

glorious joy,

take it all in,

Life

it is short.

Get busy living....

hugs and blessings....

on this Friday night

Listening with your Heart...........

Grandmother Willow:  "Listen with your heart child

---you will understand."

from the Disney movie Pocahontas


"Listen with your heart," said Grandmother Willow to Pocahontas.
What does that mean?
Can a heart speak?
What can it tell you?
Does it tell the truth to myself?
How will I understand?
Do I believe it?

I stood at the foot of the ancestral tree,
looked at her massive roots that were wrinkled and nicked...so deeply embedded in the
rich soil of the past,
She'd seen all kinds of things,
advised many other brothers and sisters,
some took her advice,
they listened with their heart,
they moved to their passion,
they lived,
fully,
creatively,
whole and full of shalom.

I want to hear what my heart has to say,
it's beat moves me forward with great urgent insistence,
They all say,
grandmother tree is a Wise Woman in her own right
and
perhaps,
experience does make one wise,
but I wondered...
wondered if her advice for others might hold true for me.

I sat on her root and she held me there in that spot,
"shh!!!" she says...."listen"
i felt my heart move,
there was a jump of excitement,
a tremble of anticipatory fear....
I wondered,
Do I really have the courage to listen?
Believe in what I hear?
Is that you speaking to me Grandmother or is it some other twisted sister of mine who plays old tapes and invites me to get into more trouble with my honest ways and rebel spirit.

Sometimes,
I find,
I ask the Grandmother to hold my gifts,
they scare me a bit,
I'm not afraid so much of them,
but
afraid of the reaction of others...
i hate that as I admit it aloud but she assured me...
she had heard that story before...."listen," she said.

i sat for a long while
under her shade of love,
rested under that canopy of peace,
I rubbed her withered roots and leaned into her strength
understanding at once that she too at one point was a tiny little acorn,
a fragment of who she is now,
and
I realized that growing
takes time,
accepting takes time
and
i was silent,
closed my eyes,
rested
and
heard her whisper in my ear....
"just listen, listen to your heart....it will lead you to where you need to go...it will lead you to joy."

I opened my hands,
pulled up the soundproof curtain I'd built around my heart,
shut my eyes,
and
i listened.....
and
my heart began to speak....
calling to me....
Grandmother Willow,
she is a wise woman you know,
perhaps...
perhaps...
this time,
I will believe my heart...
and
let my greatest Joy unfold.

find your grandmother tree
and
sit at her feet...
and
listen
listen with your heart
then you'll understand.

Hugs and blessings.....

Standing barefoot............isn't it all Holy Ground?

"...take off your sandals for the

place you are standing is Holy Ground'

exodus 3:5

Sacred and Holy,
when I read the story in scripture of Moses spotting the burning bush in the middle of the desert heat....I have to wonder if it had been me out there in the heat tending stinky, smelly sheep, sweating and walking and watching always for predators that might rob my herd of their life....I wonder if I'd have been open to partake in such a Divine Encounter of the Holy kind.
I want to think I would...hope I would.....but then again,
I walk through life every day and probably walk by 1,000 burning bush moments a day without even noticing.  Life happens and I rush around, hurry around, move around,
take care of family, friends,
work,
pay bills,
drive kids to and from places,
and
all the while,
zoning out some of the time.
I can't say that it happens all the time,
for
I do have moments,
divine moments
when
i have no choice but to kick off my shoes and
stand barefoot in awe and wonder of the magnificence of Creation, the Sacredness of life and the way all things are interconnected and part of each other.
A Jewish friend of mine once said, "Girl, you need to get out of this place (the place where I earn my living) and get out there and do the thing you love the most."  I remember looking at her and smiling and
then
responding,
:well.....there are bushes burning everywhere I look, everywhere you look,
truth is,
most days
I just don't take the time to acknowledge the wonder of what's right in front of me but if I do...well it fills me in the same way as when I worked in a church day after day...:

It is all Holy, isn't it?
Life that is,
sacred in all kinds of ways,
holy in ways there are no words to articulate,
Divine in a way that perhaps, if we are honest,
we are too embarrassed to even acknowledge.

We live and move and breath and work,
watch and speak and run,
and
there IT is.....
that opportunity to stand,
full faced,
eye to eye
with
a metaphoric representation of the Divine...
and
more often than not,
we lace up our shoes tighter,
stomp our working boots,
hold our flip flops tighter with our toes all scrunched up tight and rigid.

When I deliver a sermon,
as i read the scripture,
I always kick off my "preaching" shoes behind the pulpit,
I want to acknowledge in a tangible,
kinestetic kind of way,
my connection to the world
in the midst of
this thing I call
God...
I want to feel the holiness,
experience the sacredness,
stand in disbelief and awe of that which I cannot explain,
understand,
or even at times
be sure "IT" is there.

I kick them off,
and
i watch....
and
it never fails,
the lean of a person into the words flowing out will occur,
a tear from someone will drop, a nod or hum,
or
a bird will fly past the window in the bright blue sky,
and
it happens,
the bush bursts into flames,
and
for just a moment,
for that is all I can stand,
I feel connected
to that THING
that is bigger than myself.

I look at the picture above of a giant mushroom I ran across on Saturday while walking,
I look closer,
dew on the grass,
molecules and atoms so tightly woven together,
bunched up in clusters,
colors splashed,
and
I feel the same....
Awe,
a sense of sacredness,
connected to the Divine and the world
in an interconnected--part of--kind of way. 

I stand,
and
before i know it...
I have to do it,
kick them off that is,
stand skin to ground,
feel the coolness against me,
and
suddenly
there in my naked feet,
right before my busy eyes,
God comes,
appears in the midst of sacred ground
and
I am changed if you will
by something
I never am able to explain,
mysterious,
mystical,
love-enfolded
sacred
Holy...
and
I say to myself,
I guess really if I admit it...
the bush is always burning...
The Divine "IT" is always present....
enfolding,
embracing,
enriching
my world
with
wonder
and
when I am open enough to see the flames,
feel the heat,
wonder what is in front of me...

I do it...
I kick them off...
stand there barefoot
and
experience the Holy....
IT is all Holy ground you know...
so go ahead and do it...
trust what you sense,
feel,
don't understand...

when you do...
I promise you...
You'll be changed.....

May each of us,
unlace our shoes,
take off our socks and stockings and
wiggle our toes as they stand in the midst of wet grass, desert heat,
or river bed....
Go ahead...
the bush is burning......
take them off...

What's your excuse...?

wishing a moment of awe and wonder
a second of Holy Ground burning bush kind of moment...

May it be so..
for all of us tonight,

Blessings and hugs..

Making the best of my time left.....

"Do I wither up and die

 or

make the best of my time left?"

quote from Tuesdays with Morrie

There is a crisp bite to the morning air these days,

seasonal shifts,

as we age,

we kind of get used to them,

the steamy hot of summer,

slowly and gradually moves into the cool mornings of

Autumn,

The leaves begin to curl up, wither up, crisp up,

as their nourishment stops flowing,

the cycle of life continues,

whether any of us want it to or not,

pods hold seeds for future generations,

leaves--well they lose their bright green sheen,

curl up on the ends,

bend,

wither,

eventually drop off

and

die.

Winter comes,

all that remains is a stem holding it all together

by

a ball of roots

so deeply embedded in the soil that

the cold blizzard snows don't get to them,

Life flows with the rhythm of the seasons,

we grow,

open up our petals,

spread our blooms like the morning glories

worshipping the sun,

pull ourselves back,

curl up,

color fades,

pieces fall off,

drop to the ground as tidbits to be used by future generations.

Life...

we are born, we live, we die...

what will you make of the time

between live and die?

do we wither up and die...

or

make the best of what we've got left....

I'm choosing to live...

even if

my leaves are turning crisp.

Have a great day,

be a great day,

Live fully and richly,

drop hope and love

and

live your passion...

the seasons continue to move forward,

and

 it is our choice

what to do in the mean time.

Live a full day today...

blessings and hugs...