A Shell does have a Purpose...

"Now let us play hide and seek. Should you hide in my heart it would not be difficult to find you. But should you hide behind your own shell, then it would be useless for anyone to seek you."Khalil Gibran

I used to feel bad about it...

about pulling myself deep 

inside that protective home,

behind the thick walls 

I've built.

It is comfortable inside here

cute too.

I feel safe

protected

loved

and

quite at home when I pull myself inside

away from the world's chaos.

As I grew older

I tried

tried to live outside,

I pushed myself

to try and live

in full view of everyone

to 

allow others to view and touch my heart to live open and free...

it hasn't worked so well to be quite honest...

it has caused more pain than gladness 

and 

more worry than peace.

After surviving people's 

meanness

selfishness

self centered ways,

I've decided

that 

while I don't live there all the time

it is quite 

okay

to let people 

view 

the protective layer on the outside.

I don't have to invite them in 

or even allow them to see through my window

because

I've discovered

they are not safe....

they aren't comfortable in their own abode

so they 

wonder around

sucking the life

out of whoever they touch

then like a black widow

they try to wrap their prey up

in their spiny spun web

to discard

and move on to the next living breathing place.

Yes, I am called to love my neighbor

but in the same 

context

I do love myself more

so 

I've decided

to 

be more selective

about

who and what 

and 

how

someone see

what lies deep inside

of me....

they may see this sexy hot shell

get a glimmer into my thinking process

even see a tiny piece of my heart...

but 

I have found

I quite like the inside 

of my shell

all 

colorful and fun...

only the select

only those I love

only who I choose

will 

see inside 

ever again...

.no more creepers, suckers, widows wrapping 

slugs....

I didn't know it for a long time

can't believe it has taken me 49 years to learn...

but 

our shells

they have a purpose

their boundaries when used properly

protect us

from

the elements,

from the rag-tag

surface dwellers who 

make their living sucking the life from others.

Today

I say

no more!

get your own shell

....

mine is taken

and

only 

a few

will venture inside

....

celebrating my little abode this morning.

thankful

for

Big Daddy

off color daughter and off color son

thankful for life

thankful for love

thankful for the stars that shine in the darkness

and

for the sun that breaks through at daybreak...

Have a Great Friday....

blessings...

The Radical Rambler

Aroma of Life..........

“Living is about capturing the essence of things.

 I go through my life every day with a vial, a vial wherein can be found precious essential oils of every kind! The priceless, fragrant oils that are the essence of my experiences, my thoughts. I walk inside a different realm from everybody else, in that I am existing in the essence of things; every time there is reason to smile, I hold out my glass vial and capture that drop of oil, that essence, and then I smile. And that is why I have smiled, and so you and I may be smiling at the same time but I am smiling because of that one drop of cherished, treasured oil that I have extracted. When I write, I find no need to memorize an idea, a plot, a sequence of things: no. I must only capture the essence of a feeling or a thought and once I have inhaled that aroma, I know that I have what I need.” ― C. JoyBell C.

 

 

This weekend off color daughter and I ran a 5 K....yes i will say it for you---big girl running (me not off color daughter)----

  watch out!

We ran in memory of a little boy who used to come to my nephew's birthday parties.   Nathan was energetic and the one image I have of him etched in my memory is that of him splashing around in the pool, laughing and being all "boy " with my nephew and my son.

Nathan also had pulmonary hypertension which

over time began to cause his heart to beat too quickly.  His mom took him to a routine screening where they did a routine heart cath.

Nathan died while on the table.  Every year his mom has a race

called Nathan's Rock and Roll in memory of him and to raise money so other mom's don't have to bury their children because of the same heart ailment.

Every year I look at her memory book--same pictures as last year---and realize that all she has left

are these memories---because the visual images of Nathan stopped on the table---but yet---in a strange sort of way

his touch on life continues

as Big girls run and people gather and walkers walk and skaters skate

 

and

I feel my heart grow heavy....

and

then I watched his family...

they laughed and joked and celebrated life in the midst of their continuing grief---they even had a super crazy loud friend there who could out scream the person using the megaphone...She was vivacious and full of energy--funny and at times even obnoxious---but she kept the party rolling.  Our niece and Mama Dee met us there but Maddie and I really wanted to try to run--so niece Sarah and Mama Dee were walking buddies and off color daughter and I took off....

okay---we did not run the entire race---

but

we tried to run as much as we could--it was at Keeneland Race Track---and was a really hilly run---

I did alot of my running on the downhill

so I could get the max out of my Big Girl Running.

As I ran,

I could smell the dry soil stirring from the horses running around the track,

could smell my sweat as it dripped down my face,

could smell breakfast cooking in the jockey kitchen as I passed

and

at one point

caught the scent of grass being cut mixed in with something that smelled like lavender and it all invited me to

remember that I was alive...

 

Life smells...

tells us alot about people...

alot about life....

One time

I decided I was going to visit

a friend of mine from seminary who lives outside Chicago.

I did not want to drive, so I decided to take

the Greyhound and then once in Chicago,

I took the train for several hours to her house.

Riding the Greyhound bus was quite the experience....

people of all kinds,

traveling...

I remember thinking...

this is quite the experience..

I don't that I'll ever do it again...

but

I remember sitting on the bus in Indianapolis

and

as the bus was loaded,

I closed my eyes...

as folks of various colors and cultures walked by...

I could tell where they were from

by

the smell that passed,

garlic and oil,

arabic spices

asian smells of chinese cooking,

varying body odors mixed in with

the smell of the work they did.

 

Yes....Life has an aroma...

it drifts around

moving

and

when we think about it

pay attention to it..

that fragrance teaches us...

to LIVE...

 

Even bad odors tell us

about

life...

off color daughter and I went our running before sunrise

the other morning...

she of course left me behind

and so

every so often,

she would text me updates about where she was turning

or what street she was on....

at one point

I get the following:

 

"dead possum on the sidewalk...careful"

 

I kept watching...

I off course did not want to have dead possum guts on my new running shoes....

I didn't see it

and wondered where it was

and

suddenly...

without rhyme or reason...

I knew...

because I could smell

that musty odor rotting flesh,

.....

and

suddenly

there it was

dead possum on the sidewalk..

 

Life moves along

we journey

and

ever so often

we take a moment to breath in deeply

and

smell

that aroma of life

and it teaches us...

 

reminds us if you will

to

LIVE

 

Have a great week...

blessings and hugs..

 

the radical rambler

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



happiness---it sneaks upon you!

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.

 ~Nathaniel Hawthorne

This past weekend, I was blessed to get to spend quality time with my family.   Saturday, off color daughter and I wanted to go hike

so we talked Big Daddy into driving us for two hours to a state park known as Carter Caves here in Kentucky.

We had never hiked there so we knew we were in for a new adventure.  Big Daddy even agreed to hike with us and although 

he seemed a bit nervous about us picking a 7.8 mile hike---he did it,  he did start off by saying "did you see that this hike is only recommended for experienced hikers only".   Off Color daughter and I just laughed and put on our backpack and camel back and ignored him by beginning the hike.   

The weather was cool and felt almost like the beginning of a fall day.  We started heading up hill in a rocky area, headed round and through a meadow, over rock bed, through arches and over swinging bridges.   By the time we had finished six hours later,

we were tired and sweaty and all I wanted was a cold diet Pepsi but the gift shop was closed--dammit to hell.

The rhythm of the walk was like prayer to my tired soul,

it moved out the "crap" and left room for 

my soul to breath.

All in All

a fabulous day

and

Big Daddy

well he and off color daughter kept each other entertained 

by 

quoting lines from 

the 

new TLC show "Here comes Honey Boo Boo"---

they kept saying,

"Be careful of the West Nile flesh eating bacteria disease"

On Sunday, 

we were graced for lunch with Off color son

who is turning into wonderful and mannerly young man, where we ate and talked about life and work ethics and college.

In the midst of what felt like a no good very bad week,

little butterflies 

came

and

landed on my shoulders

and 

brought a bit of happiness.

I am thankful for this on this cool morning

thankful for 

my off color family

thankful we didn't get 

the 

flesh eating bacteria disease

or 

west Nile mosquito bite

.....

happiness

it comes like little waves

moving toward us

often we run

but 

every once in a while

"it happens"

the wave rolls over the top of us and catches us completely by surprise

and

for that 

...

for that I am 

thankful this morning.

Have a great Thursday!

BE A GREAT THURSDAY

may the butterfly of unexpected happiness 

light upon your shoulder today

and

may you

be lucky enough to

not 

get 

the 

flesh eating bacteria disease!

Big Daddy's getting ready to do the hike

"for experienced hikers only"

off color daughter looks "thrilled"

 we had to scale down a rickety wooden flight of stairs

and then crawl through the arch to the other side!

\

light on the other side

"this was the 3.5 mile--big daddy was done---

 swinging bridge

 "what are you off color folks doing in my woods--gosh I hope your get the

west nile flesh eating bacteria disease---I'll laugh!"

solitude

big daddy taking a break...

that is off color daughter keep the pace!!!

off color son doesn't like me to use his picture

"but don't you think he is looking cute and if I must say it myself---

I am looking 

sexy hot!!!

Have a great day!!! I am going to!

Hope, let it shine!

Hope begins in the dark,

 the stubborn hope that if you just show up

 and try to do the right thing,

 the dawn will come. 

You wait and watch and work: you don't give up. 

Anne Lamott

I have been wondering about HOPE--what it is, where it comes from and where we find it on those days when the darkness comes.  Anne Lamott says it starts right there in the darkness....I wonder if perhaps, just perhaps she might be right.

I look around at the world

seeking to find the goodness I once knew.

I seek the light

and

yet

everywhere I look,

I see the dark.

People going into the movie theaters for planned massacres,

shooting up temples,

blowing up things,

and

even last night on the news

there it was

some dumb soul robbing the "wally world"

and

then a big ole shoot em up right there in the parking lot of the local walmart.

Where in the hell has all the goodness gone? Are we becoming a desensitized society of video induced cowboys and cowgirls?

I watch and wonder

if this is the world 

that always existed

or 

did I view it with the naive eyes of

someone who loved the light?

I keep on walking,

walking through the world,

going through my ordinary routine,

wondering

just where the rays of light and love and hope have wandered?

I sit back

people talking about each other,

criticizing,

just being mean boys and girls 

prodding and pinching and pulling each others pig tails

some just plain miserable in their own skin 

just plain mean down to the core...

misery loves company and they make sure that

they are in a large company even if they have to form the brigade.

has cynicism won?

has the bad and ugly overtaken the good?

have i become part of their posse 

cause 

I don't see much good any more

but the one good thing about all of that is this........
I keep searching

for it

keep on 

trying to believe

that 

HOPE
and

Goodness

and

LOVE

they float up in the light and

win.....

Goodness shines down in the dark path,

someone smiles,

a hand sticks out in the thick woods when least expected,

love

electrons I can't see

bathe my injured soul

and

HOPE

....

that thing I keep looking for and waiting for 

...

that thing....

somehow

in the midst of the darkness

when I least expect it

a 

ray of LIGHT

shines though and pulls me along

bathing me

and

I feel it

Hope that is

it still rises 

up and catches me.....

thankful on this day for just that

a bit of hope...

Happy Tuesday...

be a ray of hope

for someone today...

I'll try if you do!!!

Lordy...Lordy...She is Forty!!! Kablam!!!!

"Only a true friend would be that truly honest."
 --"Shrek"

It all began sixteen years ago.
Off Color daughter was not yet a year old,
off color son was still not two.
Big Daddy was staying home with them
and
I went back to work
at the hospital in an exciting department full
of blood, guts and gore.
I met her that first night and I felt comfortable around her
right away, even though I was ten years older than her.  (Does that mean I'm almost fifty???? surely not!!!
She was getting ready to get married
and
was talking about her honeymoon
that would be spent at Disney world (I kind of thought that was weird-I was more of a beach honeymoon girl.)
We soon became close
finding out
we grew up in the same
"neck of the woods" of KY
and
it became very apparent early on in our working life together
we were taught the same work ethic and had the same "drive" for doing things to the best of our ability.
We soon became partners in crime
and when I worked with her
I knew I would never have to worry
because
she worked as hard as me and had my back.
We laughed,
we cried,
we shared stories of our family and life.
We were honest with each other
 and on really "poor" nights,
we'd pool our resources and split a diet mountain dew and a bag of skittles.
We would drive to work together
taking turns driving and before too long
we
became "life long" friends...though I would sometimes try to make her pick up strangers who I thought might need a ride.
Kids and life and work
and
years later
we find our self once again
sharing the same path
and
even though
it is
not where I want to be.....and she has always known that....

I am thankful
for the road,
the path,
the common ground and
the time we share.
Today
I am thankful
thankful to have a friend like You

once you looked at me and said,
"I love you to death, but if you don't get some medication for your OCD, I swear I'm not gonna work with you again."
years later
when
I was struggling
I went to the one person
I knew would tell me the truth
even if it was hard
and she did.

We're alot like shrek and donkey
and
now I won't comment on who is who....

but on this day....
I am thankful
for
her birth
for her friendship
for her love....
cause
"only a friend would ever be as honest" as her.

blessings to you today
Hawkeye!!!
"HAY"
I'm glad you were born!!!!  "Kablam"
My wish for you is love, joy and contentment.

Hope all of you
have
a friend in your corner
like Hawkeye!!!!

Happy Birthday..........

The "crazy one"
otherwise known as
the radical rambler...

Read more »

honest tuesday....

Life is full of beauty.

 Notice it.

 Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. 

Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.

Ashley Smith

Today, I don't feel like I can see anything
no bumble bee,
no small child
and
I dare anyone smile at me.
I'm in a bad mood
and
everyone is bothering me....
and
truth is...
I know it is not them...
it is me---dammit to hell---

I suspect we all go through life at times,
wandering around
wondering
through
our day to day things
and
all of it swirls up together
and
we may look nice and pretty and tied up
on the outside
but inside
we're screaming
fearful
drowning if you will.

I put on my make-up
pretend it is all great
and
head out the door
.....
another day
....
another moment
...
and
I
try to open myself to the love of the universe
but
I don't feel it
wonder if it is there...
I hope...
move another step
and
search for
IT
the mystery
all tied up in
a bumble bee,
the rain,
a smile
a
child
and
I realize

....
though it is hard
believing in the power of potential
I know
it will turn
the tide that is
my emotions
my discontent...
so
on this Tuesday morning..
as bad of a mood as i am in..
i will just keep
walking
one foot
one step
on potential move
and
believe
believe
it,
i
the world
can
and will get better...

happy Tuesday
The radical rambler

Life....a rambling morning.

 “Life is complex.
Each one of us must make his own path through life.

 There are no self-help manuals, no formulas, no easy answers.

The right road for one is the wrong road for another...

The journey of life is not paved in blacktop; it is not brightly lit, and it has no road signs. It is a rocky path through the wilderness. ” ― M. Scott Peck

Do we make our own path through life?

or

Do we propel along

on the breath

of someone else

who told us to

take this road,

walk this way,

hop this way,

turn right, turn left, go straight.

I spend alot of my own

"head" time

wondering

how

"we"

get to where we are

why our paths cross and intertwine

how we move in a pattern

undefined by us

and

wonder

is it defined by "Someone" "IT" "Them".

Is our life

a series of undefined

predicaments

or

are our pathways

under girded by a series of

providential happenstancial situations?

I don't have the answer

can't unlock the rhyme

but

I listen

intently

shuffling

to the beat of

my own drum

protect

myself

with my own thick skin

and

move

step by step

over

unpaved roads,

hilly crests

and

walk

step by step

toward something

undefined

that I do not understand.

One day

real soon

when I don't even expect

I suspect

IT will happen

that moment in time

when the path

often traveled alone

will intersect

with other like minded souls

at

a place

filled

with

the

SHINE of LIFE

and

there

in that place

I will finally

feel

safe enough

good enough

smart enough

enough enough

to

know I am enough.

rocky crest just ahead,

I pull the hood over my head

move

bent over

as the wind

blows against my body

hard step by step....

I trod toward IT....

not listening to

those

who yell

to  me

"take the easier softer path"

...

they don't know

I don't understand that way...

so for today...

just for today

I will walk

talking my own path

listening

to the

beat

and

enjoying the climb.

don't get all caught up on the rough terrain

move on forward

believe in your stuff

i am enough and so are you

.....

Have a great day

regardless of where you stand!

Hugs and Blessings

The Radical Rambler



Crawl on out....

"Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place."

Zora Neal Hurston

I don't know about any of you,

but

when

someone hurts my feelings,

injures my being,

inflicts injury to my character,

I withdraw,

pull myself inward,

watch the world with

the eyes of a skeptic,

examining every motive

before i speak or engage.

I go inside,

where I believe I am safe,

I hide

what I think,

what I feel,

filter what I want to say and how i want to act

and

I just am

I am

there

inside

with

the shades pulled down

to keep out the light

the shutters are closed

so that

the world

cannot have privy to my little world and there I reside

safe with

those who i invite in....

into my little world.

I heard someone talking about love

and

how it changes

us....

and

I realized

that for a time,

I've been inside

filling

my world with only what is in my house....

and

I thought

perhaps,

just perhaps,

it might be time

to open up a crack

let in some light

and

I did it....

I pulled up the blind

and

with shaky fingers

pushed

the

blue shade

out

just a bit

and

allowed

light

and

love

and fresh air

to flow inside

and

my soul began to unfold.

As Monday begins

I find myself

thankful

for

touch

and sound and light and air,

for

Big Daddy and the off color kids

for

unexpected hugs

laughs

and

for the love

that fills my abode.

I feel myself crawling out...

opening up again...

and for that

well

for that alone

I am thankful....

thankful my soul is crawling out.

Happy Monday...

give someone a hug,

a smile

and

crawl on out.....

The Radical Rambler