A Poem by Off Color Daughter

When I try to describe myself; I think, I am the ocean.
I am the tall waves, roaring and crashing.
I am small splashes that spatter the sand.
I am the children, for seashells, they're dashing.
Or the little old couple who walk hand in hand. 
I am completely understood or the depths unknown.
I am surrounded by people and still feeling alone.  
And I too reflected the sun when it shone. 
That is why I am the ocean.

I am the memories, from times long ago. 
That wash away like sandcastles of girls wearing bows.
Sometimes I fly high like a kite on the shore,
And others  I sink to the deep ocean floor. 
I tell you now I am many things more.
But for now I'm the ocean straight down to the core.

poem written and photo taken by

Off Color Daughter

"that's my girl"

I was so happy that first, she allowed me to read this and was ecstatic when

she said I could share it.

I'm pretty impressed with the depth of writing of a 15 year old.

What  a lucky off color mother I am.

Happy Sunday and Best wishes for a wonderful day!

The Radical Rambler

the mother of Off color daughter

Hugs!

Don't let anybody shade your shine!!!!

“‎Do not allow people to dim your shine because they are blinded.

 Tell them to put on some sunglasses, cuz we were born this way bitch!” ― Lady Gaga

glitter and shine,

tie dyed t-shirts,

hippy hair,

droopy drawers,

fill the world

with sparkling light,

color it,

sparkles and shimmers amongst the conformed gray and brown and blue in their hues of drabbness.

the world says,

"be like me"

wear my style,

choose my hair,

my chair,

be thin,

be quiet,

blend on into the scenery.

just look them in the eyes,

smile and blink,

and

let your light shine and gleam and sparkle,

tell them to close their eyes,

turn around,

stand your ground,

let your light shine.

It might scare them,

the brightness of who you are,

don't give a damn,

stand and be proud,

let it shine

your light that is...

let it shine.

There stands a stand

of frames and shades,

offer them their choice

of cover

to protect them from your shine,

cause

they can't hide your light,

and

you won't turn it off,

let it shine,

shine,

shine,

to light the world

If they don't like it

tell them

to close their eyes,

or

select some shades from off the rack

to protect them from your shine.

don't listen to their whine

pave your own particular track

don't run with the pack,

let it shine.

let it shine

to change the world,

cause you won't change,

won't turn it off

cause baby

You were born this way!!!!!

Go on out and give it a try,

go on make them fry....

let your light shine,

shine,

shine.

Be yourself!

have a happy Friday!!!!

go on

try and change the glow in the world today by being yourself!

Celebrating Life...

When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced.
 Live your life so that when you die,
 the world cries and you rejoice.
Cherokee Proverb


Four-score and nine years ago, on a snowy January I entered the world.
While my creative spark and quirky sense of humor
has always made me stand out 
among those who conform to "what the world expects",
I have had an exceptional life.
I have traveled a bit,
lived deeply,
had some adventure,
laughed hard and loud
and
finally
have learned that
"what you do"
does not equate to "who I am."
This has been a huge learning in my life,
I am so much more than what I do.
On today,
I celebrate
me
in all my weird ways.
I took the day off,
Big Daddy did too.
Off Color daughter had a stomach bug or so she said
and
Off Color son had something. or so he said
So the entire "off color" family has spent the day in bed--not together. 
Big Daddy and I watched a movie and fell asleep, both of us--old age is catching up.
Off Color daughter surprised me with 
a hiking water pack--one I have wanted forever but been too cheap to buy.
The boys got me a new telephoto lens--quite the impressive feat in itself--that they go the right one.
Off color son, wrote me a sweet note that hit my heart just the right way.
In a bit, we will head out to a Mexican restaurant of my choice--I thought about pizza--and still find myself wavering---but Mexican it is-----"so it's my birthday...it's my birthday.....Happy birthday to me."


Today,
I celebrate
all the friends who have sent me well wishes--
the phone calls from family,
the text messages
and
the deep love 
I am surrounded by.


I am blessed
truly blessed
and
having accepted my off color skin finally---
well---I am comfortable with who I am these days---
love me or leave me.
Life has slowed a bit for me
although I am in the best shape of my life,
I enjoy the calm and peace of home,
long naps with Big Daddy,
a warm cup of coffee and tea on the couch,
a good read or a great piece of art and time spent with the off color kids.
I like myself,
love myself,
and
today
just for today
I celebrate
who I am.


I saw a t-shirt that cracked me up today....
it said
"Be nice to your children, one day they will choose your nursing home."
it is becoming more truer every day...
I do love my off color children---so don't forget how nice I've been in a few year.


On to dinner with the off color family---always an adventure.
thankful today
that I am 
ME!

LIVE

“Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all of the lives I’m not living.”

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close (book- Jonathan Safran Foer) The off color family went yesterday to see this incredible film that makes you think. Set in New York City, the drama unfolds by first leading us into the lives of a boy named Oskar and his mom and dad.  Thomas, Oskar's dad, is an incredible father who continually teaches Oskar to break out of his shell by creating missions around the city that force him to talk to strangers, look in unusual places and connect to the world. When Oskar loses his dad in the 911 attack, the movie then takes us on a heart wrenching journey of a young boys incredible adventure to find a piece of his father once again. On his journey, he meets hundreds of strangers, shares his story and gets a piece of theirs all the while trying to uncover a mystery about a key found in a vase inside his dead fathers closet. It is a must see but be prepared to leave thinking about the gift of life, of those you love, of all the things you don't do enough of like hold someones hand, hug your children, and act silly and laugh. It had an effect on all of us. Off Color Son wrote an incredible piece of poetry, which he shared with me. I asked if i could post it...but he was not ready for his stuff to be out there for the world, so I'll respect that one. The quote underneath the dried up greenery, has my favorite quote from the movie: "Sometimes I can hear my bones straining under the weight of all the lives I'm not living." What I do know is there are lots of missed opportunities, missed chances to dance, ungiven hugs, and times when I've held back my emotions for fear of what others might think or say or want. I work hard to live my life in the fashion I feel called, but my bones they still strain abit, get burdened down by all the "what will they think" "what if..." "why" "nobody cares" that I feed into my head to cover up my shame for sometimes being afraid to live. It is Monday, the rain falls steadily outside in the darkness of early morning. Cecil the Devil Dog from Hell is shaking--he's always scared during the rain-- he's also doped up on benedryl. Hershey dog is ringing the bell on the back door to tell me he is wanting out again. Chocolate is laying at my feet. Off color daughter is sleeping over at her cousins, Big Daddy is curled up down in the love shack and off color son is cuddled underneath his blue and white blanket eyes closed sleeping this cool morning. All is quiet for a few minutes and i breath in as i prepare to go out into the world. My goal today is to give my old bones a break, to live my life, to laugh alot, cry when necessary, touch a stranger in a way no one else will know and change the world by putting goodness back into it. I'm only one person, but one person who no longer wants to bear the weight in her bones of the life she is not living. I want to live!!!! I hope you too make that choice on this dreary Monday morning start to a work week. Happy Day and Blessings!

Go on....don't be a Chicken! Bok bok!

Ginger: So laying eggs all your life and then getting plucked, stuffed and roasted is good enough for you, is it? 
Babs: It's a livin'

from the movie:  Chicken Run

I read a post a few minutes ago about today being National Hugging Day.  That's right--January 21st is a day set aside to honor hugging--who would have even know there was such a day.

I don't think I used to consider myself a hugger--not that I was against it or anything---it just made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

I became more of a hugger once I began working

in the church world.  As the congregation would leave on Sunday's, as they would pass, many would hug me, especially older women who lived alone.  It took me back at first but after awhile I became accustomed to the hugs and even came to expect them.

As a stanch independent woman per se, I didn't need hugs from anyone, and if I didn't hug or ask for hugs--well

it proved I didn't need anything from anyone.--that was the lie I told myself.  I started watching these women and a few older gentlemen who would sometimes hug a bit too close--I was younger than most of the women in their assisted living home.

I came to appreciate each one and realized that my hug and touch at the door may be the only human one they get until the next Sunday.  This re framed the act for me--hugging that is.

Last year, my daughter complained that I never hugged them.

It surprised me.  I thought I did and even though I told them I loved them--it seemed they realized that I pulled away when they hugged me.  I've thought alot about that statement and I've done some serious soul searching since then.  I've realized alot of thing about myself and the way things in the past can haunt us in ways we never realized.  Once we realize--we can change.

Last year when I started blogging, I began reading My year of hugs, 365 days of hugging.  Melinda spends her days hugging whoever she encounters often complete strangers and then blogging about her encounters.  I've enjoyed reading her daily and watching her inner beauty unfold as she touches the world, changes the world, makes the world a bit more loving as she moves through her ordinary day of being a mom, shopping at target, getting produce from a local farm all the while hugging and then articulating her experience through her daily blog.

I think I've been changed by reading her.  I find that I'd classify myself as a hugger now.  Yesterday, I hugged an employee who was upset and then hugged Big Daddy and was blessed with an opportunity to hug a person who gifted me by sharing a bit of her grief as she explained she'd lost her teenage son and mother within four months of each other.  Every time, I hug someone---I think of Melinda's blog.

I hope you'll go over today and tell her I sent you.

All you have to do is type the word

(Hug)

she'll understand what it means.

You can find her:

http://myyearofhugs.com

tell her

the radical rambler sent you.

touch

it changes us

molds us into more loving people

changes

ourself,

our neighborhood and community

and

little by little

it changes the world

by putting goodness back into it.

One hug at a time!!!!!

So go on...

Don't be a big chicken baby---Hug somebody!

I triple chicken dare you!  bok bok.....

Happy Hugging day....

(Hug)

still standing

Made a wrong turn, Once or twice
Dug my way out, Blood and fire
Bad decisions, That's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", It didn't slow me down
Mistaken, Always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around

Lyrics from Pink:  F*^&*&g Perfect

Marching to the beat of my own drum,

running down the paths 

in a mad crazy dash,

I've been misplaced,

misunderstood,

mistaken...

It's all good.

I've kept on plugging,

kept on hugging,

kept on clinging,

I'm still around,

see my neighborhood.

I don't care,

don't even dare,

to

believe you comprehend,

all my gifts,

all my dreams,

all my yearnings,

it's all inside.

I keep on going

bumps along the way

they don't slow me down.

underestimated,

unseen,

all bruised up,

but

I'm still around.

they think I'm crazy,

it may be so true,

but

I'm not lazy

I'm not rude,

I'm just me

and

that's all good.

I'm still standing.

hope your day is full of surprises,

blessings and hugs,



Doors--open or closed?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

 "When one door closes, another opens;

but

we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see

the one which has opened for us."

Alexander Graham Bell

Gazing at the place

the place where there used to be openness

a panic rushes over me.

:What will I do with myself now?:

I wonder

all the while keeping that smile upon my face that

says to the world

"i'm okay"

"nothing and nobody will hurt me"

the fear rushes over me,

encapsulates me,

I wonder who I am

what am I now?...

now that all I imagined, dreamed, wanted,

all those nights of longing,

listening,

begging,

pleading,

have disappeared.

what good is all that time wasted now?

I stare,

stare out into the vast darkness of the closed space,

wondering and trying to figure out what happened...

spend more time doing the same

exhaust myself,

get up,

start all over again.

and then,

suddenly

one morning

I woke up,

opened my eyes,

put my feet squarely on the ground and got up...

got up and walked to the door that was closed

pushed my weary back up against it and

told it...

I'm not afraid of you any more.

I leaned back,

sat down,

gave in,

in to those lost dreamed,

wept one last time

and

opened my eyes--

right in front of me,

staring,

inviting,

beckoning me....

stood a door wide open,

just waiting for me,

to walk through.

Doors

they open and close all the time,

we can sit and stare at the closed ones

or turn around

and see the glimmer of light and hope

that awaits us

through

the distant door

to the right or left or just in front of us.

Wishing you

many open doors this Tuesday morning.

blessings and hugs.

finding the spectacular

" I don't have very much time these days so I'll make it quick. Like my life. You know, as we come to the end of this phase of our lives, we find ourselves trying to remember the good times and trying to forget the bad times, and we find ourselves thinking about the future. We start to worry , thinking, "What am I gonna do? Where am I gonna be in ten years?" But I say to you, "Hey, look at me!" Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me. Make your life spectacular. I know I did."

from the movie Jack

Hey Look at Me!

That's the line I use to drive my family crazy---look at me--look what I can do--and then

I do something silly to as they put it--try to win their approval.  Sometimes it works and they laugh.

Other times--well they blow me off or look at me like I'm crazy or say something "mean".

Off-color son--is the more positive one in the family usually.  He will usually looks at me, smiles and give me a high five---"good job mom".

Big Daddy--he tries to out-do me-by doing more than me.

Off-color daughter simply say-, "don't try to win my approval."

Sometimes she'll share in the antics and sometimes, she'll even laugh.

Talking about spectacular---the off-color family---they make my life spectacular.

Living with them is like traveling with a three ring Off-color circus--one never knows what adventurous act will happen next.

It might be off color son and his teenage antics to try and keep me on my toes or watching him soar through the air to make a basketball hoop.

Off-colors daughter is like a walking encyclopedia--especially of the medical kind---anything one brings up--she's either seen a documentary on it or recently read something on line about it.

One never knows what she will decide to wear or what eclectic items will be her new favorite thing...

and

then there is Big Daddy....

oh my what can I even say--

few women in the world are blessed with the ringmaster like Big Daddy---

I mean confess women--

how many of you have had your husband don an old bathing suite and show up at the pool acting like a immigrant from another country?

not many I would say.

During the winter months, I usually get the blah's.

The colors I love tend to fade to brown's and

all the things I love to walk around and examine

appear to die.

During this time

the resting season

the

things that keep me going,

getting out of bed,

loving life

is

the

antics of the off color family three ring circus!

It is quite the adventure

and

one never knows

what will happen next.

Is your life boring,

ordinary!

Come on over

to

"off color" paradise

where you too

can become part of the show.

My life....

even during this dormant time of year

is full,

rich,

wonderful,

ordinarily extraordinary.

It is quite spectacular

in the off color kind of way.

Happy 50th Anniversary to

my

parental units--that's a really long time.

and

to all of you

Find a way

to see the

spectacular

in your life.

claim it and name it.

Share it if you will, I'd love to hear about yours.

Happy Day

and

Blessings