Doors--open or closed?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

 "When one door closes, another opens;

but

we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see

the one which has opened for us."

Alexander Graham Bell

Gazing at the place

the place where there used to be openness

a panic rushes over me.

:What will I do with myself now?:

I wonder

all the while keeping that smile upon my face that

says to the world

"i'm okay"

"nothing and nobody will hurt me"

the fear rushes over me,

encapsulates me,

I wonder who I am

what am I now?...

now that all I imagined, dreamed, wanted,

all those nights of longing,

listening,

begging,

pleading,

have disappeared.

what good is all that time wasted now?

I stare,

stare out into the vast darkness of the closed space,

wondering and trying to figure out what happened...

spend more time doing the same

exhaust myself,

get up,

start all over again.

and then,

suddenly

one morning

I woke up,

opened my eyes,

put my feet squarely on the ground and got up...

got up and walked to the door that was closed

pushed my weary back up against it and

told it...

I'm not afraid of you any more.

I leaned back,

sat down,

gave in,

in to those lost dreamed,

wept one last time

and

opened my eyes--

right in front of me,

staring,

inviting,

beckoning me....

stood a door wide open,

just waiting for me,

to walk through.

Doors

they open and close all the time,

we can sit and stare at the closed ones

or turn around

and see the glimmer of light and hope

that awaits us

through

the distant door

to the right or left or just in front of us.

Wishing you

many open doors this Tuesday morning.

blessings and hugs.