Being a round Peg in a Somewhat Square World.....

“There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:
This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me... or leave me. Accept me - or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision. When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad - you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.”  Stacey Charter

I have always felt different.

Always felt like perhaps, the world saw me as weird.....and sometimes they did and do.

Some folks say this state of living is like being a square peg and trying to fit in a round hole....

for awhile I may have thought that, too.

As a kid, I loved to read, loved any kind of art, loved to make up stories and write them down.

It wasn't until I went to school that I found out that not every kid copied stuff out of the encyclopedia's and that not every kid could  find a picture mingled  in the midst of some ordinary item laying on the floor....I was one of those people who might have found  the Holy mother's face burned into my grilled cheese bread--if I'd know who the Holy Mother was back then, I'm sure I'd have found her....I probably did find Santa or the Easter Bunny at some point!  I loved music.....any kind of music.....I have always been taken to another universe by the swirling and bashing of electrons hitting synapses, moving and breaking through space to create a mystical note in my ear. 

....and I've always been a people watcher....i can remember all the way up through college, i could name the outfits each person wore to school for each day of the week--obviously my teachers did not have enough to keep me busy.....and then there was my heart....I've always had a tender heart which caused me to always want to fix whatever seemed wrong with the world--I did learn to carry that weight on my shoulders and back and in my body.

I was smart....loved words...words of all kinds...and I never thought I couldn't do something because i was a girl like many of us in the sixties and seventies in the South were taught.....

anything a boy could do...I'd be damned if i couldn't do it too.

I have always had the nerve to ask the hard questions....even when others did not like it

about church, community, race, sexual orientation, politics, and life....--

and for the most part....

I held myself back,

bound myself up...

and lived fully by myself....never exposed fully to the world...

It was as if I were a square peg crammed down into the round hole of normal..

and for the most part...it was pretty uncomfortable.

Now years later...I stand boldly in my tie-dyed t-shirt and biker shorts as a proud bigger girl in the gym...and most days i think I look sexy hot--other days--sexier hotter.

I still ask the hard questions and people still don't like it but I don't care anymore
....I still travel to adventurous heights with the resonance of good music and sound,

I keep my mind busy with good books, friends who challenge me and a family who loves and accepts me fully as the "counter cultural slob that I am".---except sometimes my kids roll their eyes when i do something they consider weird in front of their friends.

I still challenge the "box of normal"..still try to crack it open...

i am learning to temper the rebel inside

and I have opened my heart fully to the world without having to carry the burden of fixing the world on my shoulders.....

I now stand fully comfortable in the fullness of all I was created to be.
.realizing that there is still untapped potentiality bubbling inside of me.

There has  been a switch in me flipped..

a new way of thinking...

and

I stand fully exposed to the world...

 confident in my own intellectual abilities and weirdieties....

I like myself...I am my own best friend and worst enemy  all at the same  time..and I love both sides of me...

now i don't mean to be sounding all "cocky" but I've decided that after all this time of thinking i was the Square Peg trying to make myself fit in the round hole--
 that perhaps i was looking at it all wrong...

I think the world is a bit square in its box filled with stigma, power and ego...

The box of normal....makes folks feel okay...keeps people's uniquenesss pushed and tied and bound up....

keeps all the cards all  in their rightful place...

i say the world has it wrong....and that I've had it wrong for a bit....but no more...

Being Colorful and Round  is cool..
.and now i walk fully and proudly as

the tie dyed, bigger girl question rebel with a pastorly heart....

I like my roundness in the square world ...I don't care who doesn't....

I personally think the the world is a bit square and most don't know what to do with a

round, colorful peg like me...but I'm willing to teach them..

Go boldly into the world and as Cyndi Lauper sings,

"Let your true colors......show"  Go on Be Like the Rainbow!!!! Once again...i double dog dare you!

Hey...I'm already getting excited about tomorrow...it's friday you know!

There is a Season.........



To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

Lyrics from the Byrds: There is a season

It's that time again.  The daffodils are pushing their faces toward the heavens and the dogwood trees are opening their pink blooms.  Just as everything is feeling warm and sunny,

the winds of winter blow through just one more time, eases it's way back in and it settles over humankind like a rain cloud on a picnic planned day.

As I was walking to my car this afternoon to head home for the day,

I found myself pondering whether we humans were in some ways very much like the seasons.

We push forward everyday, putting all our energy into making  a new transition, getting to the next place, getting that next job, buying the house, having the baby, graduating, getting the next job....all the while time passes in its rhythmic time clicking way.  We get all excited and start to unfold and often, just as the authentic buds of ourself begins to open to show the world, the cold fear of the unknown settles over us, the nervousness of being exposed invades, the mystery of the uncertain begins to whisper in our ear and before we know it.....we  allow the cold wind of "staying the same" "keeping things as they always were" to settle over our spirit, wilt our petals and  we start the process all over again.

I found myself wondering what  season I might be entering and what season I might be leaving. I've had my first car, my first love, my first and only husband, two wonderful children,

graduated more schools and had more jobs that I love that any one woman deserves.

My body was aching from acting like I was eighteen when I worked out two days ago and  

My nerves were shot from watching what I classified as babies all day.

I was tired and so I thought...

My hair is turning colors and my bones have stopped growing,

Perhaps I'm in the fall prime of my life--it's my favorite anyway....but I'm not sure I want my to have my hair fall like the leaves on the tree---I'm not sure I'd be so sexy hot with a bald head.

Emotionally, I've entered the cold thaw of winter more times than I'd like to admit only to experience the wonder of spring birth and then before I'd know it...it would start all over again.
I don't have any of this figured out.  I don't have any answers for myself or anyone else...just a bunch of rambles....

When I got home from the gym tonight, my son was hanging out in the living room with my husband and I---any of you with teenagers know that unless they want something--they usually don't willingly sit in the same room with you and have a conversation.
Before too long, he said, "Well I was wondering when you were going to be talking to me about getting me a car."
My husband and I just looked at each other and laughed and I said, "well I'd like to get me a new ride, too."  I've been driving a white windstar with a knocked out headlight (from my wreck in the car wash--I'll tell you about it someday).  It has 162,000 miles on it and the rear panel is covered in my liberal bumper stickers about equal rights for all people, opposition to the death penalty mixed among the honor roll parent stickers and the good food co-op sticker.
It is a very nice attractive way to have your mother drive you and your friends around in....I don't know why he hasn't asked me for it.
I said to my son, who will be 16 in a few weeks, "I think I'll get me a new car and you can drive the ghetto van (what we fondly call my car). 
His face fell and we continued to talk.  My husband gave his intellectual lecture in his drive you crazy non serious way about the expenses of driving a car, purchasing insurance and filling it with gas.  He then said, 'I think you'd be better off with a few driving lessons for your birthday from the local Driving School--and since you broke the brakes and handle bars on my bike and don't seem to remember which house you left it at and since the last time you rode your mother's bike, someone stole it---perhaps you might need a new bike for your birthday.   My son soon had enough and he informed us that that was not what he wanted for his birthday.....

Before too long, my mood had transfigured and my husband and I were laughing and singing very loudly in our off key voices---
"you can't always get what you want.....but if you try sometimes.....you get what you need ...like driving lessons and a bike...."
He soon went to bedroom and my husband and I had a good laugh..

and the Seasons they turn and I still don't have it figured out...but find myself thanking the Universe for a day that ended on a good note.
for those of you who read yesterdays entry...well John B. I hope to do better tomorrow about helping my fellow humans...today my hips hurt and I was a grouch...

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time of peace, I swear it's not too late!

and the seasons turn...................and you never know whether you'll get a ghetto van or a bike, driving school or keys.....the seasons they turn....sometimes, Braham...you just have to await and see what kind of things the world brings your way.  Part of the fun is in the wait!

"Tax Time----oh my"



 How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.  ~Anne Frank

April 15
Tax Time
None of us look forward to it, do we?
I know I don't.
Since I'm not the organized type,
I usually spend a couple of hours sorting through the cabinet where I throw stuff throughout the year.  Mike, my husband and I usually take turns being the "one" who has to take the taxes and get them completed.  A couple of years ago, we discovered a wonderful service that is provided by the public library where we live (yes they even let us chronic library abusers use the service.) AARP folks come together and provide a free place to get your taxes completed.  It is first come.  First Serve. Absolutely Free!

We've had our taxes done here on several occasions and let me tell you one thing--they do an outstanding job.  For certain hours during the week, retired volunteers come together in their blue denim button downs (with the AAPR emblem in red).  They set up, have folks line up and they sort paper, plug numbers, look things up in books and double check each other.
The cost for anyone willing to stand in line to have them done is absolutely nothing.  I mean it sure beats the $400.00 H&R charged us a few years ago and certainly beats the cost of the private CPA we used for several years. 
So as I stated...this year was my year to go stand in line. 
I got up, showered, had my coffee and piled my stuff in a bag.
I did discover this morning in my gathering that I couldn't find my social security card--I've had card since I was six---now I can't find it.  What happens to our brains when we get older--I certainly don't know but for the life of me, I couldn't find mine this morning--and I'm still obsessing about where I stuck it to keep it safe.  I hate early onset dementia!!!

When I arrived there was already five or six folks in front of me.  Some of them were older folks, one with a walker and one with a cane.  One of the AARP folks brought out a chair into the lobby for them to sit on which I thought was very nice.
We stood in line waiting for Susan--who was running late--to arrive with the computers....seems her cat was sick and she had to take it to the vet.
Once she arrived all the folks carried in the stuff, set up and then Melinda greeted us and told us to please be orderly because she didn't want to be the AAPR library group to make the front page of the newspaper due to crowd disruptions.

Then, we were invited into a room.  Everyone was nice and kind and we chatted with one another.  I did see you---Mr. Man, kinda big, in your tight gray sweats!!!!! graying beard----I saw you cut line in front of those two ladies who'd been waiting for such a long time---saw you cut line in front of everyone and sign in as number two in line---I must confess,
I thought some very bad things about you today----I thought your mother certainly wouldn't be proud.  I tried to let it go, but at some point in your life....I hope you learn a few manners and learn to empathize with others. The girl standing next to me---the one who spilled her Cherry 7-up all over the place--she and I talked badly about you.  So maybe you had a reason to cut in front, a reason to not let your elders go first....but oh well....now that I've confessed my resentment at you...I'm going to let your ill manners go.

Once we were in, Melinda checked our forms, organized our papers and we waited for our turn.  It didn't take long to get seated with a preparer.  The preparer I got to work with was a tall lanky guy wearing glasses.  I think he must have been a retired engineer--civil I think because he had a brief case sitting next to him that said that on it--course he could have been like my father-in-law and bought it for a quarter at his neighbors yard sale. 
His name was John B.

As he started sorting, I looked at him and said, "I know you are all volunteers here, so I'm just curious, what do you get out of this?"
He kind of shrugged and said, "well my wife likes to get me out of the house."  I said, "no really, what makes you do this kind of work for free." 

He seemed somewhat reserved in his answer and said, "well it might sound philosophical, but I simply do it because of the satisfaction I get from helping my fellow [man]."
I said, "I wish we all would serve the world that way."

As I sat there and John b. sorted, I began to reflect upon how often i offered my services just for the satisfaction of helping my neighbor."

I like to think that I do this often.  I do have a big heart and lots of empathy but I also know that the environment that I worked in for the past few years has tainted my empathetic nature.   People have walked on my heart, they've abused my caring nature and because of this, I find that there are often more cases than not that I question whether I should risk helping someone for fear of getting hurt or used or abused.

for the satisfaction of helping my fellow [man]....
John B. finished my taxes and yes we got back instead of having to pay....
which is very nice!
but perhaps the most important teaching of the the day
were the simple words that John b. gave me....

satisfaction of helping my fellow humans....
perhaps, just perhaps,
tomorrow
I will open my heart a bit more,
move when the Spirit whispers,
let down some of my boundaries and
step out into what I really believe just a bit more...

We are all connected here.....people all trying to find our way,
running into each other, walking on each other, using each other...
I wonder..just wonder what would happen if
all of us
became John B.  for just a few minutes each day....
I'll try it if you will....
"there are days, I can't get no satisfaction"
perhaps he taught me how.

Thank you John B. for your dedication,
your service and
your sharing of a bit of wise wisdom.
May you go to bed tonight
fully satisfied
because of the goodness you offered the world today.

Thank you...
Thank you..
Thank you...


and since I'm not starting this today,
I hope gray sweat pant man's preparer missed a decimal point on his.





 



A Prayer for the Day....

Eli Stone: But I don't believe in God.
Dr. Frank Chen: Sure you do. You believe in right and wrong! You believe in justice and fairness! You believe in love! All those things are God!

(quote from the TV show, Eli Stone, episode 1, the Pilot)

I'm a bit hesitant to sometimes to share the more spiritual side of me at times. 

 I know that sounds weird coming from someone who preaches and prays aloud in the church. 

This morning I led worship at a local church with a good friend of mine.

Part of my role was to write a prayer which would be part of the liturgy during worship.

I got up this morning and after playing on the computer, decided I had to birth something since worship was just two hours away.  My friend was preaching on a text in John related to the Samaritian Woman who encounters Jesus at the well.

I read the text and then sat down to push forth something......what I'm giving you is what came.

I was reluctant to share it in church..I was afraid folks would think it was too....something..

too weird, too flowery, too "out there"--remember i do attend the Presbyterian church and we pride ourselves on intellectualism--some call us the "frozen chosen".

Since nothing else came, i had to pray this prayer...

i was nervous,

I felt my stomach shaking inside like I might just throw up.

Why I wondered...I ususally don't mind being a bit "out there".

So i walked over to the pulpit...

could feel my legs shaking a bit--(usually I don't wrestle with the nerves-especially during the prayer)

and i started praying.

When i started, I could feel the Breath of the Universal Spirit take hold of the words,

move about in them,

could feel my voice getting stronger and so I leaned into her.

When shaking folks out....

people spoke of the meaning of the prayer for them....

I was a bit surprised to even hear folks commenting on the prayer...but once they did,

I was glad I didn't have anything else to pray.

I was asked for copies of it...so I told folks I'd post it in my blog (sort of selfish but at least i knew I might get a few hits)

Here it is:

Thirst Quenching God,

We wonder around aimlessly,

Busy, living our chaotic lives,

Separated and disconnected,

Trying to fill the thirst inside us with all kinds of stuff,

 and

All the while you move amongst us,

holding out substance to fill us,

energize us, set us on fire and quench our spiritual thirst.

It is your life-giving, spirit-reviving water  that renews our being

 and

 it is your love that sustains us

even when we don’t acknowledge that this is how we get through the day.

 For this—we say thank you.

Flowing God,
our world is so full of chaos, and destruction,

 Earthquakes,

 Floods, Daily Ruin, Death, Despair,

Overwhelming Grief and Sorrow

Financial Upheaval,

Hunger and thirst and pain—

Power starved individuals everywhere,

Oh God it is most often too much for us to take in,

Most often we choose not to,

We don’t know how to help

 and 

 it is easier and less painful to just close our eyes,

 turn our head and move about our daily business.

We feel helpless and sometimes oh God we even feel a bit hopeless…

 But this morning, we do what we can

 and

 cry to you on behalf of the chaos in the world,

Flow over this Universe,

Gush over us,

Give us that which quenches the worlds thirst.

Inspire us to make a difference and Heal our World we cry.

As a rock dropped in a pool of calm water,

 the rings move out, rippling forever,

Inspire these people to be the ripples of your love that move 

 from here to there,

may they  bear of the Gospel to all they encounter.

Flow over their spirits, revive and convict because.

Grant them Courage, Inspiration and Hope

We pray especially for those who are ill,

For those who grieve,

For those caught in transitions,

For those bound by addictions,

For the homeless, the spiritually thirsty and the hopeless,

We offer these prayers to the Universe because we need

Hope,

in faith we pray these things.

Amen.

That was my prayer and i share it with you...

read it though,

pray it aloud,

send forth an echo to the Universe

for some Love and Hope to wash over us,

Heal Us,

Make us Whole...

If you will...

so will I....even though I'm afraid sometimes.



CONFESSIONS OF A CHRONIC LIBRARY ABUSER....

I love books! 

It's a habit that started along time ago. Before I ever went to school, I'd sit in and look at  those old green and cream "World Book Encyclopedias". 

 Once I started absorbing information

seems I couldn't get enough and

...well I haven't stopped. 

 There is nothing like the adventure of a book.

When I was in the fifth grade, Ms. Vogel my teacher had a small library in the back of her class where kids could read books when they were finished with their work.

  I deliberately picked my seat over near the book area and I devoured every book I could.  When she wasn't looking, I'd sneak and read them while she was talking,

I'd steal them and take them to the cafeteria---dear lord

 I sound as if my nerdiness started a long time ago, don't  I.

so now that you know my love and quest for either knowledge or escape started early in life

I have to confess that I've had a big problem ever since...

When I go to the library I can't just get one book....

I get so many I need a bag or two to get them out of the library

when I was in seminary, there were times that

the entire back part of my van would be full with books flying all around..

not only is the issue that I can't just check out one,

the other issue is that

I can't seem to return them on time---ever.

So now the true confession begins....

a confession so unbecoming someone who as 'sister rachel' says, "is supposed to be a minister'....

but it's kind of funny and perhaps someone

out there has a habit that they are just as addicted to as i am to my books.....

Just a few months ago---

back in June of last year,

I checked out a bunch of books for vacation....

maybe about twenty or so.

Seems they were due back sometime during the time I was at the beach,

and I've never been one to

renew on line or call and renew or even remember that they are due...

during this time the library decided to up

their overdue fees---a hidden fact

that i had no knowledge of...

My first overdue notice came...

and a week later,

I loaded up the books,

drove by after the library closed,

went through the drive through so sneakingly

and dropped all the books

in the after hours drop...

that's good right,

I checked them out,

read them

and took them back

like a good library borrower--

okay they were a bit late...

Few weeks later,

they started coming,

envelopes filled with

florescent pink slips saying that I should contact the library because

of my excessive

overdue fees..

They came monthly

and every month,

I'd see the pink in the

box,

come inside,

take out the "bill" for over fifty dollars and

I'd hide it in the current book

I would be reading to keep my place--they did make a really nice bookmark! 

(mainly because my husband can get a bit agitated about my library fines--there have been a few

but none as excessive as the pink slip fines)

so i hid them.....

I mean after all,

I took the books back, that's not stealing is it?

why should I pay a fine just because I was late.

so I decided that I just wouldn't check stuff out anymore...

I borrowed book,

I downloaded them on my ipod,

I read books I bought years ago and placed on the shelf...

but oh no,

I never stepped foot into the library...

Around Christmas time, i went to visit my parents in Western Kentucky,

seems the mail still runs when I'm away...

This time when it came it was not

the traditional pink book mark kind of mail,

but a notice that the public library had turned over my overdue fines

to a local collection agency...

wow--not only did they waste their paper,

but now,

big trouble,

not just an overdue notice,

not just a pink slip,

but acollection agency slip

placed among the other stuff in the mail on a day when I was out of town....Who has ever been sent to a collection agency for library fines?????

Well guess who said he had something to show me when I arrived home...

Fifty dollars later,

I went back to the public library and

held my breath when I

checked out the book--hoping that buzzers and alarms would not sound.

Whew, I made it..

Today i went to get a book I'd placed on hold,

and went to the counter like a good library patron and

asked the librarian who did not smile if she'd renew my books at home.

She looked at me

over the top of her glasses and said,

your overdue limit now exceeds what you can have to check out books...

I held my breath....

oh no, it had caught up to me...I asked how much I owed while holding my breath,

you now owe seven dollars,

would you like to pay now...

visions of pink slips flashed through my mind,

heart palpitations  started and I held my breath,

so like a good library patron, a breathed a sigh of relief,

I took out my money and I paid what was due,

(cause I don't need another pink slip coming my way--cause my husband might get the mail)

Got a good book today,

just checked out one,

so I'm growing abit i suppose,

I still love book,

love them as much as I used to,

I have a problem...

I may have to start going to some kind of meeting soon,

where I start out by saying,,

These are my confessions.....

My name is Pam and I'm a chronic library abuser, but don't tell anyone--especially my husband.

I've got laundry build-up...but so happy it's Friday...

Whew! Round and Round the week went,

days running into nights,

nights running into days,

Whirling, Swirling, Moving,

  Alarm went off this morning and as I was climbing out of bed, I heard me say to myself,

Thank God it's Friday!!!!

What a ride of a week!

Drama

busy

appointment

running

Tired.

Spinning in a chaotic ride,

I'm so glad it's here,

so happy to know

that tomorrow

I'll be home

in bed

sitting,

reading,

doing a bit of nothing...

All of that sounds really nice, but I do have

one rather small but

rather large bit of a problem.

I don't know if it ever happens to you,

but do any of you ever get a case of the Laundry Buildup?

last weekend was my husband's birthday

and so instead of doing the usual

of my assigned family jobs--the laundry,

I washed only part of the laundry

 and left the rest of it

piled in assorted stinky colors on the floor of the laundry room

tossed haphazardly into piles that matched

and while I

ran down there from time to time

to put in a new load or two,

the real issue is that when

a clean load came out,

i'd pile it on the sink,

and stacked it against the wall

wrinkled and wadded up

sitting in a basket on the toilet seat,

mixed and swirled together.

no clean towels this morning in the linen closet.

clean clothes,

dirty clothes,

clothes everywhere---guess

I should just be thankful for clothes, but I'm not...

So It's Friday....

Thank God it's Friday....so thankful I am

But I've got Laundry Build-up!

What's a girl to do?

(probably for tonight--nothing---it's Friday!!!)

No More Fences!

Definition of FENCE

1  archaic : a means of protection : defense

2  a : a barrier intended to prevent escape or intrusion or to mark a boundary; especially : such a barrier made of posts and  wire or boards

 b : an immaterial barrier or boundary line <on the other side of the fence in the argument>

Why do we humans feel the need to put up fences? 

 As a watcher of people, I see more

being built than torn down. 

They pop up in all kinds of places,

in places I'd least expect

built by those

I didn't think would build

the least likely people---sometimes myself.

We all have them and we've all built them

. 

Perhaps the reason is to protect ourselves as the definition states, or perhaps,

it is to keep others away, to keep others at bay.

Come on--admit it. 

You have a fence, too! 

If you admit it, so will I.

The one I'm most willing to admit is that I really have a problem with lazy folks.

Put me in the room with a bunch of lazy workers and I will either shut down or I'll work myself to death putting up the biggest damn fence just to make them look good and make me feel good....

Fences cause separation.

They inflict pain.

They act as boundaries...

act to keep folks at bay...

to oppress and suppress...

Each of us has within our being, a box of normalcy that makes us feel safe and comfortable and good.

When we meet folks that cause us to question that box we abide in,

when we see something other than what we are,

 then it invites us to question whether

our way is the best or better or wrong....it makes us

wonder whether what we have in the box is the right stuff.

 It invites us to grow---but growing is hard and fences

are built to make us feel safe and comfortable,

we get out plank after  plank after plank,

hammer a few nails

start the boundary settings....

sometimes it is expressed in our body language like the roll of an eye

 or the inability to make eye contact...

or the pretending to not see who is in front of us,

Truth is we fence and are fenced.

most of us have even been victim of and we have victimized

we've boxed and been boxed.

and if we don't ignore what is going on inside of us...either role

the builder or the one inside doesn't feel good or right or fine.

It looks like disparity,

hate,

separation,

it inflicts injury like a splinter that can't be found,

it is wrong.....

race, gender,sexual orientation, ageism, class ism,

It all sets us apart,

It makes us different,

It separates neighbors and friends,

breaks up brothers and sisters...

i don't like fences even though I build them both ways...

to keep others out

and to make myself feel safe and protected.

The golden rule in most religions states simply,

"Love your neighbor as yourself..."

that's easy, right?

We pretend it is...

moving from fencing to open space

moving from preconceived notions to acceptance,

moving from hate to love..

well

it takes alot of work that many of us aren't willing to deal with---remember I've already stated that
it didn't bother me that I don't know my neighbors names---seems like a fence to me.

we peck others over

what they wear,

who they're friends are,

who they sleep with,

who their mom and dad is...

if we are willing...

to move beyond ourselves...

to look deep inside another to see the familiar pieces of our self,

it will be discovered that all of us

are more alike than different,

so

for today,

let's take down the planks of separation,

remove the invisible lines that push others away

take out a few nails

erase the invisible lines

open up our hands and heart,

clear a path to the other and

tear down our fences...

I'll try if you will...

We often sing what the world needs today is a little more love...

Well....

Love don't build fences..

.and I'm talking to myself as much as you...

let's take 'em down!!!

No more fences!

a bit of rambling after a day of watching fences being built...

thanks for listening.

"Into the River"

There is a river

Cool cleansing water that splashes over us,

Flows around us,

Moves past all times and places,

Over rocks,

through mountains,

into oceans, seas and lakes.

It is absorbed into the atmosphere,

Pours out into reservoirs,

 flows into pipes, and is poured into fonts.

This water is a marking water.

 It cleanses,

 claims,

 and calls each member of humanity

 into a new mission of rejuvenation and hope.

This water is a binding water,

It begins at the genesis of time and flows over and under and past

the ancestors of long ago.

Today as I begrudingly did my time on the treadmill, I watched the rain fall and puddle in the midst of an afternoon storm.  As I watched the rain, I thought of the the rain cycle, thought the struggle for water in some place,

 thought of how we pollute,

 and abuse our supply,

thought of my friend from India, Ren, who told me that water was so precious that they would never get in and play in it like the youth group she visited here in the USA did.

I love the rain.

I love to hear it fall,

I love the clean smell it provides,

there is absolutely nothing better than to curl up with a

good book, pull the covers up, crack the window and go on

an adventurous journey of the intellect--all the while the sound of rain hits the pain.

Water in the Christian tradition respresents renewal, claiming, and communal binding. 

 This is the way we recieve our "mark" if you will. 

 In watching the rain, I began to reflect upon my own baptism as a child---while I now am a firm believer in infant baptism, I'm glad I have the memory of the time I stepped into the ancient flow of water.

It was a warm day, my best friend Tami  and her brother Daryl had traveled with our families a long distance from our home in Western Ky to that river in Montaray Tennesee.  I did not grow up Presbyterian, and my father was a minister in another denomination that embraced believer’s baptism. ….

Between you and me…..even as a child,

I always had a sense of who I belonged to…whose I was….long before we drove to that river located at the top of the mountain.

My friend and her brother had decided that they would be baptized in the river where all their family had been immersed.

That day…my dad walked us down to the river…that river in Tennessee and we lined up…

Lined up along the banks of a river that flowed….

families were picknicking along the banks under the bridge and as we held hands and waded into the cold flowing stream, I could feel the cold slimy rocks of ages flow under my barefeet….

The play on the side of the banks seemed to stop and it seemed to me that for just a few minutes the whole world stopped…..

As we reached the center of the flow, Dad raised his hands to the sky and prayed a prayer.  I don’t’ remember what he said and then he placed a handkerchief over my nose and mouth and buried in the water….

Buried me under the water of ancestors long ago…

And the Water of the Creator flowed over me

And when I came up, there I stood connected to the water people of all time and place….

And the River flows,

Moves,

Washes, claims and ebbs.

And

“Eventually, all things emerge into the ONE who chooses,

and a river runs through it

and

around us.

It cuts rocks created by the worlds great flood and runs

Over and under the basement of all time."*

Timeless raindrops

Endless touches of love dew

Marking us, claiming us, choosing us, commissioning us into the body of Christ, marking us to be vessels of God’s ageless and undying love.

So whether we enter the River at the top

 of a mountain in our barefeet

or are carried to the font by our proud parents,

We step into the water with Jesus,

And the water rushes over us,

All of us

All of us in the line of humanity,

Baby of saint,  tan or white or black or red or green,

Strong or weak, bold or scared,

When we step into the ageless water,

 We are claimed and initiated into a whole new family called the human race,

Where there are no coincidences or strangers,

Just family whose names we don’t know yet

 and we are bound

 by the river that binds.

*this line derived from the line in a movie the River Runs though it"