There is a Season.........



To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

Lyrics from the Byrds: There is a season

It's that time again.  The daffodils are pushing their faces toward the heavens and the dogwood trees are opening their pink blooms.  Just as everything is feeling warm and sunny,

the winds of winter blow through just one more time, eases it's way back in and it settles over humankind like a rain cloud on a picnic planned day.

As I was walking to my car this afternoon to head home for the day,

I found myself pondering whether we humans were in some ways very much like the seasons.

We push forward everyday, putting all our energy into making  a new transition, getting to the next place, getting that next job, buying the house, having the baby, graduating, getting the next job....all the while time passes in its rhythmic time clicking way.  We get all excited and start to unfold and often, just as the authentic buds of ourself begins to open to show the world, the cold fear of the unknown settles over us, the nervousness of being exposed invades, the mystery of the uncertain begins to whisper in our ear and before we know it.....we  allow the cold wind of "staying the same" "keeping things as they always were" to settle over our spirit, wilt our petals and  we start the process all over again.

I found myself wondering what  season I might be entering and what season I might be leaving. I've had my first car, my first love, my first and only husband, two wonderful children,

graduated more schools and had more jobs that I love that any one woman deserves.

My body was aching from acting like I was eighteen when I worked out two days ago and  

My nerves were shot from watching what I classified as babies all day.

I was tired and so I thought...

My hair is turning colors and my bones have stopped growing,

Perhaps I'm in the fall prime of my life--it's my favorite anyway....but I'm not sure I want my to have my hair fall like the leaves on the tree---I'm not sure I'd be so sexy hot with a bald head.

Emotionally, I've entered the cold thaw of winter more times than I'd like to admit only to experience the wonder of spring birth and then before I'd know it...it would start all over again.
I don't have any of this figured out.  I don't have any answers for myself or anyone else...just a bunch of rambles....

When I got home from the gym tonight, my son was hanging out in the living room with my husband and I---any of you with teenagers know that unless they want something--they usually don't willingly sit in the same room with you and have a conversation.
Before too long, he said, "Well I was wondering when you were going to be talking to me about getting me a car."
My husband and I just looked at each other and laughed and I said, "well I'd like to get me a new ride, too."  I've been driving a white windstar with a knocked out headlight (from my wreck in the car wash--I'll tell you about it someday).  It has 162,000 miles on it and the rear panel is covered in my liberal bumper stickers about equal rights for all people, opposition to the death penalty mixed among the honor roll parent stickers and the good food co-op sticker.
It is a very nice attractive way to have your mother drive you and your friends around in....I don't know why he hasn't asked me for it.
I said to my son, who will be 16 in a few weeks, "I think I'll get me a new car and you can drive the ghetto van (what we fondly call my car). 
His face fell and we continued to talk.  My husband gave his intellectual lecture in his drive you crazy non serious way about the expenses of driving a car, purchasing insurance and filling it with gas.  He then said, 'I think you'd be better off with a few driving lessons for your birthday from the local Driving School--and since you broke the brakes and handle bars on my bike and don't seem to remember which house you left it at and since the last time you rode your mother's bike, someone stole it---perhaps you might need a new bike for your birthday.   My son soon had enough and he informed us that that was not what he wanted for his birthday.....

Before too long, my mood had transfigured and my husband and I were laughing and singing very loudly in our off key voices---
"you can't always get what you want.....but if you try sometimes.....you get what you need ...like driving lessons and a bike...."
He soon went to bedroom and my husband and I had a good laugh..

and the Seasons they turn and I still don't have it figured out...but find myself thanking the Universe for a day that ended on a good note.
for those of you who read yesterdays entry...well John B. I hope to do better tomorrow about helping my fellow humans...today my hips hurt and I was a grouch...

To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time for every purpose under heaven

A time to gain, a time to lose
A time to rend, a time to sew
A time to love, a time to hate
A time of peace, I swear it's not too late!

and the seasons turn...................and you never know whether you'll get a ghetto van or a bike, driving school or keys.....the seasons they turn....sometimes, Braham...you just have to await and see what kind of things the world brings your way.  Part of the fun is in the wait!