a skin defining moment....

“When you stand and share your story in an empowering way,

 your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else.”
― Iyanla Vanzant

Well it has happened...

I am no longer

40 something...although, I have not changed that in my bio yet....

I am now just plain ole fifty...no something.....just it...

and

it's not too bad...

not too bad at all.

There was a moment when i stood in my bedroom and I gazed deep into the fire burning and I pondered..

well here I stand...

right at the top

looking behind to see where I have been and yet

gazing over the top of the mountain I seem to have been climbing since the day I came out of the womb---

carving my path through thicket

always taking the longer harder road....

and

there I stood

thoughts flooding for just a moment

there was a rush of  deep unsettling grief for moments lost,

times I did not stand in my authentic truth,

times I did not take the time to tell folks 

i loved them or let them see the real me because of my own insecurity or fear of what they might think,

i remembered moments--just a few---when i didn't do the right thing

or had to hide my story...hide my own truth...

and just as that 

deep unsettling moment of grief

moved over me....

something inside me switched

....

and

it hit me

I no longer have to do what other people want me to do

I no longer need to be pleasing everybody else

I no longer have to dance any dance 

that I don't want to dance...

hum...

hell 50...it "ain't" half bad.

and I 

for a brief moment

that connected to the next

and the next wave of thinking happened...

....

I am older--

wiser--

more honest---

and much more comfortable in my

sexy hot skin

than ever before....

and

"i said it"

in my heart

"f" all the expectations

preconceived notions

"f" all the stuff other people want or tell or boss..

time to be 

fully

authentically

sexy hot me

For it is enough!

and

in that moment

I realized

my skin

it suddenly fits.

Thankful 

for 

moments

of 

clarity...

may each of you

stand and gaze

and

be surprised when you meet yourself looking back...

and

suddenly realize IT---your skin---it fits.

Happy Sunday...

The radical rambler