beauty in the scars....

what the day!  so glad it is almost over...

started last night when the call-ins started coming...

and then they didn't stop...

short staffed...

tired

Monday...rainy, windy and cold

not feeling it.

people getting on my nerves.

whatever...whatever...whatever...

I don't care, i thought!

What I'd rather do is be home with my kids..

laughing and sitting and watching and being,

spring breaking...

but

instead

work

where

I am left to ponder

how we humans come out being so different

how some have ethics

and others

seem to not be bothered by anything.

watching and learning has been one of my life-time pass times...

what I have found is that in

looking at others we are then invited to look back within ourselves

to uncover our secret hidings,

to expose the myth..

to examine what holds us back.

so that we can live fully as a character in our own narrative

bound by the threads of our beginnings and intermingled with other weavings along the way

 and we live....

where somewhere in the mix one finds that thing" that  makes us who we are?

there is a tension

between who we were birthed to and who we are to become

and somewhere in between is who we are now..and we live there

day after day after day.

few dare to examine and dig and uncover all that hides the truth from themselves....

few really want to see

all the buried stuff,

the secrets

  and the crap we hide from our self..

I sat with a very wise woman

 who held a mirror up to my eyes...

she made me feel safe and loved and claimed

and she said,

"go ahead, take a look...you may like what you see.."

i looked...

barely recognizing the woman i saw and  smiled at the playful kid hangin' out..

it was uncomfortable and scary and
awe filling

all at the same time...

this birthing

the pushing into the world,

the bringing out of the shell.

takes alot of energy...

surprised I was to uncover

that that one time long ago,

that one incident

clouded everyone that followed.

the pain still raw

but

sitting there in it's pool of hurt

healing salve applied...

I began to hope

that somehow

someway

i will recognize

that

I am

loved

enough

worth enough

to keep

looking

to

see all

the tiny scars,

the

scabs of the past,

the hurt that glistens in the light,

wounds brought out for the world to see

suddenly

 becomes fine work of art that

sparks and energizes the creative soul to

continue through the Universal Womb toward hope

she held out her hand

said

'good work'

and I knew

that another piece of me

had been exposed

and for that

I am thankful

but

tired as hell..

on my way to bed..

good night!