A visit to Goodwill and a theological wrestling match....

“Eucharisteo—thanksgiving—always precedes the miracle.” ― Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are

Eucharisteo–Greek.  yoo-khar-is-teh’-o. Verb. Definition: 1.To be grateful, to feel thankful. 2. Give thanks

I was privileged to sleep until 7:30 am, which rarely ever happens anymore.  My usual time for arising in the morning typically is 04:00 which gives me an hour of quiet time, forty-five minutes for cardio at the gym and time for showering before I begin my day at the place where i earn my living at 7:15ish.

I was thankful for the extra hours of rest on a drizzly Sunday morning.

When I opened the door, the call to worship began.  Birds in a distance sang a song I had not heard before and other sounds of the living mixed in with their hymn of adoration.  I felt myself smile at the wonder of the sanctuary already at work.

I've been thinking alot about the season.  The season of living in the state of thanksgiving and what it means to be thankful for what I have---health, food, home, family, friends, work.....so much but yet so many times I find myself grumpy and going through the motions rather than actually absorbing the wonder of my own life.  I'm trying to do better and it was just this week that I learned about the word listed above----Eucharisteo. 

Is such a state of living possible?

I've been thinking alot today about the disparity between the haves and the have nots.....

Yesterday---off color daughter and I did something I've never done before---we spent the afternoon visiting and shopping at local Goodwill's.  I have a bit of OCD and going into such a place requires alot of energy from me.

I'd been reading alot of blogs lately that talked about all these refurbishing ideas....also since I've lost weight...the "girls" at my place of employment keep telling me I need new scrubs--I didn't want to invest in new ones because i hope to lose a bit more weight, so I thought the "Goodwill" just might do.

Off Color daughter bought several sweaters and a couple of shirts to appease her eclectic taste (one was for what she calls==tacky sweater day==it is bright pink with all kinds of glittery sequins all over in a "beautiful" design---we had laughed about it but when we were checking out an older woman said, "oh that's a beautiful sweater."  My eyes just about popped out of my head and off color daughter and I had a great laugh on the way to the car.) 

I did find several new pairs of scrubs at the tune of $5/set which was quite the savings.  Once we were home--I immediately put everything in the washing machine on hot in case there were any germs or worse we'd carried into our home.  Two pair of my scrub pants turned out to be too small---Can you believe it?  The Goodwill takes returns---but be sure to keep your receipt.  I can't believe I actually bought something from Goodwill--better yet returned something.  Exposure therapy for OCD must work---touch her face, touch her eyes---(lines taken from the OCD project). 

I watch people alot.  There were people who seemed to follow us from one Goodwill to the next. I listened to them---some were buying things to paint and decorate their home with and others were buying clothes for friends...

there were people buying furniture and several different languages going on all at the same time.....quite the cultural experience.

On the way home from one of the last Goodwill's we visited, i glanced out the corner of my eye.  Standing on the corner of the intersection stood a woman about my age.  She was dressed in sweatshirt and jeans and was holding a sign...."Please help me have a happy holiday for my children".  She was drinking a coke from McDonald's, standing there facing the traffic.

I felt the skeptic in me pop out---and though I usually am a fighter for the underdog---I felt myself question what the purpose of the woman standing there really was about.....was she just scamming money or was she really a woman willing to do whatever she needed to do to help her children have a good holiday season.  I was in the turning lane and passed her just as quickly as I saw her.

Later last night, I woke up and was reading a blog from a feminist theology site.  The minister writing the blog talked about the time she saw a homeless woman on the side of the road holding a sign.  I started thinking about the woman standing in front of the RED ROBIN with her sign.  She haunted me.

I wondered about her story and about the journey that brought her there at that moment on that corner of the street.  i wondered about her family, her children, her life.  I wished we were in a world where the disparity between the haves and havenots did not exist---but it does and I felt myself offer a prayer of hope to the Universe on behalf of the woman who caught my eye.

This morning following my call to worship, I went to the gym, which has recently become my place for worshipping on Sunday morning.  This morning,  while on the elliptical I listened to several podcasts.  Today, I listened to preacher, Susan Sparks, from Madison Avenue Baptist Church in New York.  Susan is a liberal, educated, ex-lawyer, stand up comedian who delivers a sermon like none I've heard.   Today, in one of her sermons, she spoke of visiting Union Square farmer's market.  She said, "There was the smell of fresh bread from a local bakery drifting through the air.  I followed the smell....It led me to a table covered in loaves of bread, cakes and danish....I stood there and I watched....watched people pass, when suddenly I saw a homeless gentleman pushing his shopping cart.  He stopped in front of the table and stood for a moment.  Next thing I knew, I saw a clerk behind the table, get a large brown bag and fill it up with all kinds of items.  He then moved around the table and approached the homeless man and handed him the bag.  The homeless man nodded and took the bag and disappeared into the lively crowd and I stood there saying to myself----i just saw an angel on the corner." (paraphrased from my memory).

Eucharisteo----what does living in this state look like?

Does a woman worrying about her family's  next meal,  experience it?

Does a homeless man understand it?

Can those of us privileged learn to live into it?

Can we give up a bit of it---a bit of the wealth---to even the playing field--

can we share so that all can experience life in a better way?

I don't have the answers...

to the hard questions of the Universe..

but

on this rainy Sunday evening...

I send a prayer into the Galaxy on behalf of

mothers and fathers who struggle to feed their children,

for those with no roof over their head,

for those with no bread to eat....

and

as I do...

it reminds me..

to offer a prayer of thanksgiving

for

a day filled with unsettling reflection

on the disparity in the world

for food

for a warm shower

for

goodwill experiences with off color daughter

and

new freshly washed used scrubs.

May all of you reading tonight,

take a moment

to find and experience a bit of that new word I learned...

Eucharisteo....

and live in a state of Thanksgiving....

blessings and hugs...

It is a Wonderful Life.............

"Can you see the holiness in those things you take for granted–a paved road or a washing machine? If you concentrate on finding what is good in every situation, you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude, a feeling that nurtures the soul.”— Rabbi Harold Kushner

I caught just a glimmer of the evening news tonight after I got home from work and the gym.  The one section I heard and saw was about a father who had recently lost his business due to the hard economy.  Because of his loss, his credit rating had fallen and thus when he applied for a position, as a common practice among some hiring institution a credit check was preformed, which hence disqualified him for the position.  "Catch 22---you lose your business--try for a new job--can't get a job because you lost your business."

I was touched by what he said, "I feel like giving up, like I'm not gonna make it.  But then I look into the eyes of my two young daughters and then I realize---I can't give up---even if I wanted to give up--I can't."

I looked at Big Daddy and said, "guess we need to try to live with more gratitude--we really do have much to be thankful for, don't we?"  Big Daddy agreed.

I've thought alot about this tonight....

about

how to raise my awareness of my blessings instead of

my woes....

Friday night...I'm always tired.

I am already in my pj's early, eat supper and usually am in bed fairly early---that is what older people do on Friday night anyway.  I'm sitting here thinking.....Big Daddy is screaming from our bedroom, needing a cuddle buddy--which really means he needs me to rub his back and put him to sleep.

I'm getting ready to eat dinner.

Life goes by quickly--

small moments,

glimmers of holiness come to us.

If we are lucky enough to slow down

we see them

experience them

relish and cherish them---

other times...

well a missed opportunity for

warm fuzzies,

awe,

burning bushes.

I wonder what might happen

if

in our daily situations

all of us began to focus upon

the

wonder,

the small things we have instead of the things we don't have

or the things we want next....

perhaps

our perspective of what is important might shift too....

Tonight

I find myself thankful

for

Big daddy screaming for me---it is nice to be loved---even if I'm not quite ready to get in bed....see once I lie down--the evening is over

and

I have to pick up off color daughter and her friends hannatard and norman from their Halloween party---

I'm thankful for their laughter

as they dressed in their

"jersey shores costumes"

off color daughter was "snookie", hannatard was Dina and norman was Paulie,

for off color son

who always sends me an I love you text....

for a warm house,

for the cool autumn air,

for food,

water,

clothes,

the washing machine which is working overtime downstairs

trying its best to catch up my weeks worth of

off color family laundry....

so

as the evening ends...

I find my heart full...

full of love...

full of gratitude..

full of thankfulness...

for a wonderful,

amazing life....

It is a wonderful life........

you know...

we just have to realize it.

Blessings...

What are you thankful for on this autumn evening?

hugs and peace to all of you.

How do you Measure Your Life?

In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife.

In five hundred twenty-five thousand
Six hundred minutes
How do you measure
A year in the life?

How about love?
How about love?
How about love? Measure in love.Seasons of love. Seasons of love

FROM THE SOUNDTRACK "RENT"  SEASONS OF LOVE

So how do you measure your life....

in years,

months,

weeks,

days,

hours

minutes

seconds????

For years,  the pegs that I grabbed hold of to measure mine was the liturgical seasons of the church.  Now that I'm on hiatus from that place for a bit,

I find myself alittle lost--out of sorts it seems.

For the most part, I seem to try and live in the present anymore,

perhaps it has something to do with my age.

I seem to have spent a good portion of my life all

caught up in that climbing the ladder,

seeking success,

trying to be better,

smarter,

more intelligent, more driven than anyone else.

Basically, what that got me was a day filled with

stress,

panic,

no time to breath or rest or just be...

I realize looking back

that all that time I spent

getting the best grade,

giving my best self to my career,

doing everything else but be present to my family that I love the most really didn't fulfil me at all.

My children were 2 and 3 years old when I started seminary.

I feel like I spent a good deal of their fun growing days

with my face in a book,

my hands on a computer,

or

my person taking care of someone in the church  instead of  the people I love the most.

Those days left me

spiritually unkempt,

emotionally burned out,

and

physically exhausted.

I am in a different place today....a good place.

I've learned after reflection, discernment and contemplation coupled with good mentors and wise women,

to

take life one day at a time ( a good 12 step program taught me that)

sometimes I even am able to take it one minute or one second at a time....

My goal is to live into the moment,

to watch the steam coming off my coffee and to

sense the energy of the person sitting across from me,

to listen and laugh and learn

and hug and love my husband and

to acknowledge my children and listen really listen

to what they have to say---most often they teach me something about the world,

or worse--something about myself!!!!

My husband's heart attack a year or so ago,

reframed my whole life.

My family is now the center of my universe...

and

my attention to the things I often missed

like the smell of grass

and the sound of rain on the window

and the touch of the breeze on my face--

those moments...are what matters the most to me.

Perhaps it has something to do with

the Season of our life...

maybe we grow into this awareness as we age,

and

we become less driven to step on or over the person in front of us and more filled with

a sense of connection and community and care.

For Today,

I strive very hard

to stay

present in the moment,

to look at people in their eyes

and to utter

continuous prayers to the Universe

for the

wonder in and around this awesome thing we call life.

Today, I took my daughter to have her wisdom teeth removed...

in days past, I would have

probably asked someone else to go and be with her and stay with her...

but

I'm so glad I didn't miss out...

Her friends Hannahtard and Norman (Noah)

came along.

Oh my---I can't remember when I've laughed so hard,

When they wheeled her to the car in a wheelchair,

she was so loopy,

so out of it...

and

the things she said.....

We all laughed and laughed and laughed.

I laughed so hard I was afraid I would wreck or worse

pee my pants.

Anesthesia did a "whooper of  a job" and when Norman

gets the video of our car ride downloaded I hope to

place an except of her ride home

on the blog.

OMG--I can't even watch it without becoming hysterical.

The seasons of love seem to get richer,

and

my heart

well my heart tonight is full...

full of compassion and love for my girl who is also sitting on the couch writing

God only knows what on her blog (she is under the influence of a narcotic right now and when

I was out of the room she skyped a video of herself talking to herself)

She is so funny I can hardly stand it..

I am just thankful to day,

my heart overflows with gratitude,

for

my home,

my family,

and

my little piece of community in the Bluegrass state.

So how do you measure your life?

In sunsets,

In midnight,

in hot cups of coffee....

whatever it is....

May you Season be filled

with Love,

Laughter,

Joy and Contentment......

Sending Hugs and a Happy Thursday to you all!!!

Tomorrow is Friday!!!!