Point of No Return...

“In everybody’s life there’s a point of no return. 

And in a very few cases, a point where you can’t go forward anymore. 

And when we reach that point, all we can do is quietly accept the fact.

 That’s how we survive.”

 ― Haruki Murakami,

  Kafka on the Shore

Several weeks ago,

Big Daddy, off color daughter and I were coming home

from our nephews wedding in Virginia.

Off Color son had left from there to go to his adventure camp in North Carolina

and

so it was just the three of us in the car.

While driving past a point in West Virginia,

Big Daddy stated that he'd like to find the house where his mother grew up and where his dad had lived.

He had no idea where the house was located

other than one was near the river downtown and the other one

was "on the other side of town" up on a big mountain top.

So we drove with Big Daddy's memory leading the way.

We quickly found the home where his mother grew up

a home that I'm sure in its' time was called a mansion.

It had a thick rounded doorway,  columns and several floors.

It was more decrepit now after 80 some odd years of living.

We stopped and got out of the car and walked around the house--I was trying to sneak a few pictures in for his memory book, when a girl came out of the back door apartment. 

Big Daddy spoke and before long, he was exchanging stories about the house with the young woman who we discovered was a history teacher.  He told her about a slave door that was part of the underground railroad and before we knew it,

she was asking her sister if we could tour the home.

Inside, a young couple were beginning their life,

new baby sleeping upon dad's naked chest, fans blowing trying to cool the humid heat coming from the outside.

The floors were covered in unique dark would and fireplaces graced the wall in almost every room.

I could see the grander that was once there and gave me insight into  more about who is mother is and where she came from---he walked our daughter through the house telling memories of his childhood

which in turn allowed me to see a glimmer of a piece of his past.

Later, we climbed slowly up hill after hill along the mountainside

on roads so tiny I don't know what we would have done if we'd met a car coming from the opposite direction.

Before long we found our self on a little dirt road,

that took us to the sign above--

We stopped and I was able to breath because i kept expecting one of our tires to slide off the edge of the mountainside road right into someones backdoor.

I stood outside as Big Daddy turned around, little by little in a small gravel driveway and I stood looking into yards and house and lives of the habitat of folks I'd never met and probably never would encounter.  Big Daddy finally found the house of his aunt.

He  got out of the car and walked around a bit and before long

neighbors were out looking at the Sexy hot mama, off color daughter and Big Daddy.....I was snapping pictures and people wanted to know what we were doing there.

Big Daddy quickly said, "how long have you lived here?"

and

suddenly, 

neighbors were sharing stories of what it was like to live 

near his "aunt Patsy"

and

I realized 

that 

Big Daddy's stories were not really exaggerations..

His aunt was as crazy and funny as he'd always told us....even the story of her pulling off her panties and throwing them on the stage at the Tom Jones concert

and

they even told about the times she 

ran out into the street chasing her husband....in her bra and panties...yes 

aunt Patsy was the epitome of a real live 

"off color aunt".

This morning,

I was reflecting

about the photo I took that day...

and 

I wondered 

how many times
I'd stood at this point in my life...

dead end

no turn around....

and

in my mind

I could name a few..

name a few of those times in my life

where I've pushed ahead and

entered the land of no return.

I suspect 

that throughout our life

we all do it

come 

to that fork in the road

the edge of a cliff

the dead end

and

we ...

make that decision

to 

go against the warning

surrendering to the unknown

because of it

our lives are changed forever and ever.....

hopefully for the better

sometimes

I'm sure not.

and I

wonder

have I done it again,

reached a point,

a point of

no return,

heart beat rises,

energy surges

and

I try to hold myself back

but

feel

the pull toward the path....

if I make the choice...

to 

move

forward

then what?

....

here I stand

feet right on the edge of the rock

it looks so far

feels

like 

the leap of death vs the leap of faith...

I know once

I jump

there is no coming back

I'm not sure I'm ready

ready for such the fate

not sure I'll survive it all

so 

I stand

stand on the edge 

fear rumbling through my body,

anxiety pulses inviting

and

I wonder

will

something rise up underneath me

meet me with hope and grace and love

............

I'm not quite sure

so I stand

stand here 

wondering

what might happen

if 

I 

decide

to enter 

the point of no return.

Rambling Rambler

and

her rambling Sunday afternoon reflections.

have a great day

be a great week...

hugs.