Drawing me back........

What now?
and God took [the] line in hand and drew [me] right into [God self]. That is fine .....
That's what a Friend is for.” ― David James Duncan, The River Why

It doesn't seem to matter....
what I want to think or believe...
there is something
deeply
intrinsic
in the hollowest part of my
oldest cell
that
connects me
connects me
to something or someone or some something
that
is
bigger
and better
and
far smarter than myself.

I've tried to disregard that part of myself
tried to bind it up and throw it away
but
just like the foam on a crashing wave
it moves
floats
goes with the flow and then somehow
joins back in the with the rest when i least
expect

this thing
primordial mystery
embedded deep
in the imprint of my soul

I struggle
struggle to understand your unfathomable
"way"
I struggle to believe
but
yet
even when I say I don't
don't want to believe
there is something
deep inside
that calls to me
beckoning me
to give You
one more chance.

The scientist in me
needs
some facts
A plus B equals C
but
you continually show me that
1 plus 1
can
equal
a
million
when wrapped up
and
tied up in love...

I stand to the side
I watch
the pool
it 
 ebbs
and
flows
and
bubbles its way back to you

my fear
holds me back
but you seem okay with all of that
just waiting
holding out an invisible hand
and
waiting
waiting
for me
to
be drawn
back
into the depths of
YOU.

YOU
ebb
and
flow
and
move around
turning
mixing
creating
the world
Your atoms
they bounce around inside
outside
jostling
bumping
and
Love
this energetic
prismatic
force
pierces my
hardened soul
breaking it open

light
enters the crevices of my
deepest hurting place
bathes my pain
sooths the sting
and
healing
healing
starts fresh again.

I don't understand
can't quite push myself
to jump right into you
I hold back with resistance
and
I say
Now What?
Now What?
I've been here before...
what are you going to do differently now...
and
I feel
feel
the slow
gentle tug
of
an
invisible force
pulling
reeling me in, if you will
back
into the depths
of
your wonder
and your mystery
where
faith
meets
grace
and
grace
leads to hope
and
hope


well
hope brings me back
to faith
and
that's where
God
meets me.

pondering thoughts this Tuesday morning.
Have a great day....
blessings