Joy in the Midst of a Dark Cold Rain

"Into each life, some rain must fall." 

 Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

It has been a couple of days since I've felt like writing.

I've been "blue".  I don't know why and sometimes when it hits,

I don't know quite how to combat it--depression--that is.

It comes at me,

like a dark veil floating past me,

then sneakingly swallows me whole.

I don't like it,

but yet

when I try everything I know

to keep it at bay,

it's shadow engulfs me and grabs hold

like a friend who thinks they will never see me again.

It is familiar.

I recognize it's stinking pattern

and

feel myself sink as the light is gradually diminished.

I hate it,

but am working at fanning it away.

Yesterday,

just as I thought it had won,

twice,

glimmers of light

came to me

like a life ring thrown to me from a lifeboat.

I was at the gym.  I go there and work out hard because

the endorphins usually kick in and help send my unwanted and invited friend somewhere else for awhile.

I was walking and running on the treadmill,

when

she showed up.

I watched her and felt a great deal of admiration swell up inside of me.  The Wheels bus driver got out as he often does on Saturdays,

used the lift and helped her get off with her walker.

She scooted along, gradually making her way into the gym.

I felt the impulse to stop and open the door for her,

but before I could, she was already inside.

She stopped right next to me to buy herself

a water for her workout.

I watched and waited,

wondering if she might need my help, but not wanting to intrude.

She held to her walker and struggled with her arm that didn't quite work right to get a dollar out of her wallet.

It took her several tries to get the dollar up to the machine to put it in but she kept trying all the while shaking and holding on to her walker.  She made her selection and nothing happened, no drink and no money.

I pulled out my earphones and said,

"I've seen that happen before, alot of times the guys have to hit it

to knock it off."  She looked at me and said in her slurred voice,

"it ate my dollar" and she began to thumb through her wallet again.

I slowed down my treadmill, meaning to get off, when the guy who works there saw her and came up.  He replaced her dollar and got her a water and she headed on back for her workout.

I've watched her before.  She comes in and works out hard and

I'm in awe of her courage and dedication to taking care of her body and strengthening her muscles.  I think it takes alot of courage to begin at the gym anyway, but watching her determination inspired me.  I felt myself smile and my old friend began to move away as a glimmer of Creation's light made its way through my dark veil.

As I finished my workout, I saw her leaving the gym and heading down toward Kroger.  She typically comes on Saturday, works out and then walks to Kroger and buys herself groceries before the Wheels van comes to get her.

She inspires me and her courage invites me to do whatever it takes to combat my own problem---depression.

Later in the evening,

I met up with two old friends for dinner.

We shared laughter and tales and dreams and truths we might not tell others.

The meal was delicious and eating it reminded me of

something sacred like Eucharistic communion

given at just the right moment.

I could feel more light,

could feel the warmth

and

felt the dark veil begin to lift.

It was raining yesterday.

I suppose,

we all have days

where rain comes

as an unwelcome guest.

It drips and drops and covers

everything in its path.

But even among the dark storms of life,

even in the midst of cloudy denial,

the rain

splashes against

my face,

cools me off

and

I realize

We all have a rain storm of some sort that graces our life---

but

if we look around,

search for a way to stay dry

small smidgens of joy

splash amongst the wetness

pulling us forward

into life.

We all have our days in the rain,

but

Joy,

she always comes when we really need her.

Have a wonderful Sunday

and

I'll try to be more regular this week in my blogging.

Hugs and Blessings!