Being Different.........it is really ok!!!

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. 

I keep looking for something,
a common familiarity.
I've always felt a bit different and if everyone told the truth...
I've always been a bit different than most.
I'm not sure my brain works like everyone else's ...
or at least that has been my excuse....
As a small child living in a house stuck in between grandparents and great grandparents,
I lived on my own little planet and yes the world did revolve around me.
I would spend hours swinging high in an old tire swing
located out behind my grandfather's (otherwise known to me as Littlepa) home.  It was my special place.  I'd watch trains go by, wonder where they were going, who was on them and I'd dream up all kinds of stories in my head as I pushed my feet toward the sky and spun in circles until I'd throw up.

Even as a little one...I always had a connection to something bigger and greater than myself...I'd play on an old horse wagon, my sister and I'd converted into our playhouse
and I'd mix concoctions out of nature--- mud and flowers and seeds and acorns---sure in my childlike mind, that all this practice was gonna help me find some cure to save the world---so far, I've not come up with a cure, but I do keep mixing.

I read....read everything I could get my hands on...
my constant hunger for knowledge
could not and still cannot be satisfied.
I always felt like the more I knew, the smarter I was and the more I was like everyone else...
that was the lie I began telling myself even at a young age.

I've always been a bit edgy,
my color being slightly more tye dyed than solid,
I like off color humor,
am a truth teller---and I'm surprised at the number of folks who don't like that....
I come across too strong and confident...
even though it has taken me years to realize
that it scares the hell out of folks....
and not that I can keep it tied up,
I am learning in my middle years
to use it when necessary...instead of all the time.

My heart...
my heart has always felt deeply...
too deeply most of the time
and
I've spent years trying to protect it....
I guess now
I just want it completely unwrapped
so I can feel...really feel it all...down in the depths of my bones...
I have more tools now to deal with it....

Okay..
so I really don't know where this post is going this morning.
I thought I'd write about the holiday or the off-color family or
something other than my own self analysis,
but I suppose
that is what i needed today....

This photo caught my eye this morning,
spoke to me..
and
I realized...
that over the years...
I have often felt like that lone leaf...
hanging onto something
all the while
sticking out like a sore thumb
in my tie-dyed t-shirt and
off color humor.

I've always been different
and used to grieve it...
but
today...
today
I'm hanging onto who I am...
not waiting for the wind to blow me away to fade like others...
nope,
I'm hanging by a thread to
my gift...
my gift of differentness.
and you know
what...
it is really okay!

may each of you embrace yourself
and
hang onto life with all your might
during this holiday time.
blessings and love..