Faith....a rambling unsuccessful attempt to understand it.

 " Look. I know what you believe. It is in my soul. But I constantly tell other people: you should be convinced of the authenticity of what you have, but you also must be humble enough to say that we don't know everything. And since we don't know everything, you must accept that another person may believe something else."

Mitch Albom

I continue to search for an answer to something I cannot fathom. 

Faith..

my old Sunday School Definition always flashes through my mind...

Faith is the substance of things hoped for...the evidence of things not seen.....Hebrews 11:1.

I don't know where it comes from...

who gave it to me...

why it haunts me like a ghost that mocks me...

I some days wish it would go away,

but it

faith that is...

seems to be embedded in the matrix of the make-up of my bones...

well

these old bones feel

like

they'd like to dry up...

I want to scream..

Faith..

"it doesn't work"

but

as quickly as the thought enters my mind...

I know that is the lie I tell myself...

something....

something deep within myself

pinches me

and

says..

"what are you thinking"

I stare at the picture and

what comes to mind is:

"faith...all it has got me is a tear in the heart...much like the leaf above"

that thing..

that haunting ghost inside my matrix

yells...

"don't lie....faith has helped you through the hard time...has saved you from yourself on numerous occasions"...

and I know this to be true...

it has always been the legs underneath me,

the thing I go to when I don't have anything else

and

yes

the ghost is right

it has saved me..

more times

than

anyone will know...

sometimes

during the dark night of the soul...

it wraps me,

like a mother wraps and cuddles her beloved child,

it enfolds me...

like a protective womb,

cradles and rocks

brings me back to life as the dark veil tries to pull me down...

I try to uncover the Mystery of it all...

want

to know and understand how it works...

what to know the chemical make-up of

it's intricate ability to pull me forward...

wish it was in a bottle,

or part of a plug that could be plugged in at a whims notice....

Faith...

it pulls me forward,

helps me rise on a cold rainy day,

it enfolds me

even on days

when

I say

"faith...forget it"

it still shows up

faithfully

Hope and Grace

they mix with Her...

and

together...

no matter what the

day holds...

i know

somewhere

deep inside of me,

the three work together to

cover the nicks created by others

and

give me the courage to continue to unfold..

regardless of what others

tell me...

You see

Faith..

because of it..

I rise..

I rise from the depths of despair,

from the dark night of the soul,

from the Joy found in the morning...

I rise..

and

take another step

where

hope infuses grace

It pushes me forward,

floats me up

into the Mystery....

I dont' understand it..

don't quite know how to articulate it...

say I don't want it..

but

IT is a lie..

Faith....

as

George Michael

in his sexy hotness

sings..

faith...I got to have it....

so on this morning..

when I wrestle once again with the same old

question..

Where does it come from...

hope floats up,

wraps me with grace

and

I suddenly realize...

I don't have to have the answer,

but

just need to trust in

the substance of things I can't see

like where the wind comes from

where the waves begin

how love works....

and

to relish

the evidence of things seen...

like

the wonder of my family laughing together,

the insatiable gladness

that occurs when I see a leaf changing,

the sun rise,

the drop of rain clinging to a bare branch in glistening drops..

no...

don't understand a bit of it...

but

it

invites me forward

and

I smile once again at my own silly questioning mind

and

fall face forward into it.

May you too

have

a

day filled with faith, hope,

grace

and

Love..

Hugs and Blessings.