Endings..........Are they really new beginnings?
Celebrate endings - for they precede new beginnings. - Jonathan Lockwood Huie
i am still learning...
learning the process of "celebration".
I have lived my life
going from one project to another,
climbing one ladder rung to the next
and
there have been very few times,
that I have actually
taken the time
to
stop and throw some confetti,
dance a jig,
wave some balloons
sing the song
Celebration time...come on....
Celebrations make me uncomfortable
and
for someone that likes to live in the positive flow of life,
I find that a bit unsettling,
there is an awkwardness
about letting go,
saying....look what i did.....kind of living.
I had some rather dramatic endings in my story this week...
I'm still feeling the ripple effect on my heart from it.
I surrendered a very important aspect of my life this week
and
dammit
I don't feel like celebrating much at all
in
fact
If I'm honest....
my heart weeps...
weeps for what I could not do
weeps for what the Mystery and I could not accomplish together.
I finally said
I give up
I can't do this anymore
don't want to do this anymore....
I finally....after years of discerning...
left the church
...sent a letter asking that I no longer be part of something I spent the last ten years spinning my wheels trying to be part of....left the process of ordination....
left a piece of what I know I've been called to do...
there is an emptiness...
and
if I'm honest
I suppose it has been there for sometime...
a disconnect....
my heart weeps...
and
yet...
in a sense...
if I believe what I say...
The Creative Mystery is still at work
on my behalf
and if
I lean into that...
well..
I suppose,
I need to take a deep breath,
blow up a balloon or two---
I mean it is Friday after all...
and lean my whole being
sadness and all
into
the possibility of
new tomorrows....
Are Endings New Beginnings....
I sure hope so...
I sure hope so...
Happy Friday
go out and celebrate....
blessings and hugs.
posted by pleemiller @ 7:08 PM
4 Comments
4 Comments:
That's tough. Leaving a church family is so difficult. But when it no longer feels right in your spirit and it's time to move on, it's even more unhealthy to stay. I hope you find a new church home that welcomes you with open arms and one you can fully embrace.
I've told you I resigned as clerk of session and left the church of my greats, my parents, my brothers, cousins, uncles and aunts....
The first few weeks were gut wrenching. The first six months were more than a bit difficult. Still, today I am healed and when I return, I am so THANKFUL!!!
You've left one branch of The Church and you are hurting...you are grieving. Feel your grief, live your grief so healing can begin. New doors will undoubtedly open when the time is right....once some healing has taken place.
Keeping you in prayer.
I'm sorry for your pain. When God closes a door, He opens a window. I hope this happens soon for you.
Sorry for the challenges you are facing...and thank you for your comment on the blog regardong my reflection...it really is something to think about....
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