restlessness....

“My soul is impatient with itself, as with a bothersome child; its restlessness keeps growing and is forever the same. Everything interests me, but nothing holds me...."

― Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

The whirling will not stop,

it is not anxiety,

but

a energizing stir,

a deeply imprinted desire

to solve the Mystery of the Universe.

It sounds crazy....

just to admit...

I seek it.....desire it...want to solve it...

the unanswerable question...that which no human really understands....

My mind races...thinking, questioning,

analyzing.

I can't figure it out

and

the scientist inside of me..

continues to pursue new

understandings by adding a different catalyst,

a new reagent,

I try to invent a new chemical that will somehow reveal it.

It comes in waves.

understanding that is...

and

as quickly as an acceptance of an answer comes....

some ole restlessness starts to stir inside...

and

the process starts all over again.

The world...

full of Mystery..

full of wonder...

why do leaves turn colors,

fall off,

drop to the ground, disintegrate?

Why are we here?

What is this invisible thread that binds us together?

How does it work?

How does food grow?

What makes a human tick?

Why do some of us humans make good choices and some of us continue to make the same bad ones over and over again?

It swirls....

life that is...

questions

to which the answer never comes...

I go to bed..

I arise...

and

yet...

the swirling never stops...

it is an internal restlessness...

a desire

to reconnect

to the genesis of the Universe.

Are you there?

Are you there Great Mystery?

Can you shed some insight?

why am I here?

It is me....

the radical rambler from the south.....

and

my soul.........

it is restless.....

can you make the swirling stop?