The Choice: Confessions of a Spider Killer

Fern: Where's Papa going with that ax?

Mrs. Arable: Out to the hog house. Some pigs were born last night.

Fern: I don't see why he needs an ax!

Mrs. Arable: Well, one of the pigs is a runt. It's very small and weak, and it will never amount to anything. So your father has decided to do away with it.

Fern: Do away with it? You mean kill it? Just because it's smaller than the others?

Mrs. Arable: Don't yell, Fern! Your father is right. The pig would probably die anyway.

Fern: Please don't kill it! It's unfair.

Mr. Arable: Fern, you have to learn to control yourself.

Fern: Control myself? This is a matter of life and death, and you talk about controlling myself.

Mr. Arable: Fern, I know a lot more about raising a litter of pigs than you do. A weakling makes trouble. Now run along!

Fern: But it's unfair. The pig couldn't help being born small, could it? If I had been born very small at birth, would you have killed me?

Mr. Arable: Certainly not. But this is different. A little girl is one thing. A little runty pig is another.

Fern: I see no difference. This is the most terrible case of injustice I ever heard of.

TAKEN FROM:  CHARLOTTE'S WEB BY E.B. WHITE.

I don't like killing anything.  I'm one of those weird people who will pick a bug up and take it outside rather than kill it.  I've been known to watch that spider that lives in the corner of our shower day after day and hope that Big Daddy or Madi doesn't notice.  Neither of them like spiders and it never matters if they are poisonous or not.  If either one of them spots them, Big Daddy the courageous spider killer comes out and takes care of the homicidal work.  I'm always the one yelling, "oh don't kill it!  Just take it outside."

We are all connected.

all whirling around,

moving around,

bouncing off each other.

We are all connected in some weird kind of mysterious way that I don't have words to articulate.  This core of my belief system is what makes it difficult for me to kill bugs or ants or spiders or bees.

So yesterday, I found myself in quite a predicament. 

I'm kinda wondering what each of you would do...

knowing my belief system (after saying this, I bet you find it hard to belief that I'm "pro-choice", don't you?)

Anyway, here is what happened....

I went outside to plant some green onions in one of the raised beds I had yet to clean off and plant this year. 

I put on my gardening gloves and went out into the heat.

Before I could plant, I had to move away remnants of last years tomato plants and rake and remove leaves that had settled over the cold winter. 

Just as I had almost cleaned the entire bed,

I ran upon a weird hump of leaves that were connected by sticky silk.  I pulled it back and there she was.

This beautiful black widow mother spider and her egg sac.

It looked to be quite a comfy home.  She had food all caught and stored, a warm hole burrowed down and a roof made of leaves.  I watched her as I pulled away the leaves, just like any mama, her first thoughts were her unborn babies.  She ran over and grabbed the sac and I just watched and smiled.

I enjoyed watching her and so I came in and got my camera and took a few pictures.  Then, I simply took her leaf roof and covered them back up and continued to plant my garden.

When I came in, I showed Big Daddy the pictures.  He was appalled. "You killed it, Right?" 

I look at him and smiled and he knew I didn't.

"I can't believe you just left it.  They are poisoness and there will be tons of babies.  You should be worried that one of us might get bitten.  I started thinking.....and I basically ignored him.  I sat down to read the paper and his guilting continued...

"aren't you gonna feel bad if one of them bites one of us?," he asked.

"What if we have to go to the ER?"

"What if one of us dies? Our tent for camping out is not even ten feet from that raised bed."

blah..blah..blah.  Big daddy really doesn't like spiders....

Finally, I said, "OK, come on, I'll show you where it is."

Big daddy said, "oh no, it is up to you....if you are more concerned about the spider than the family, just let it live."

I rolled my eyes, got up and went back outside taking a long stick with me.  I pulled back the leaf roof and said aloud,

"sorry mama spider...."

and

I did it.

I took the stick and poked it down on top of her and

I murdered that mama spider.  After she died, I crushed her tiny egg sac.

I've felt bad about this murder ever since it happened.

I've thought about killing her and the babies that won't be born.

I did look up venom of a Black Widow, the National Geographic site stated that the venom of a Black Widow is 15 x more powerful than that of a rattlesnake and the neurotoxin is quick acting (though only 1% of all people ever die from such a bite).

So there you have it.

This radical rambler,

the minister,

the one who writes about life...

killed a mama spider and her babies

and

she still feels bad.

So let me ask you.....

What would you have done?

Would she live?

or

die?

Have a happy Monday, said the

guilty party!

Hugs to all who accept them from a spider murderer!!!