sittin' on the dock...reflecting....asking questions...

Sittin' here resting my bones
And this loneliness won't leave me alone
It's two thousand miles I roamed
Just to make this dock my home

recorded by Otis Redding

In the middle of my stomach,

deep underneath my heart..

something is breaking and cracking open

and

suddenly I feel like the

energy of the world has been poured into my soul,

it moves around,

pushing and pulling on the strings attached to my heart

it hurts,

it pricks,

it sizzles uncontrollably like an egg in a frying pan,

I don't like it.

would like to ignore it...

want to pretend it isn't there at all

and so I

distance myself from it all...

After all,

Is there really anything I can do?

I hear news of hurt, pain, sadness...

and

i wonder where you might be?

Do you see all this pain,

all this devastation,

all the hopelessness I see and feel....

If your power is great....then why does the world look like it does today ?

If you are all powerful---

why do children still die of starvation,

and

why do some people die unexpectedly in storms and tornado's and yet

others live? 

 is it your magic checker game or is it just non providential happenstance?

why do some old people live long past their time and deal with aches and pains and hurt,

why are other tiny beings  birthed into the world

grasping onto a fragment of life-force only to have it pulled right back away from them

so that they

then pass onto the liminal limit I cannot see.

I know there are no answers,

I understand that I can't know why...

but when I see the destruction

and devastation and hurt..

I really want to understand

why some of us

have food to eat,

water to drink,

medicine to heal

and

a home to protect us

 and why some of us struggle to move forward or even to survive.

They...the proverbial They...

tell me your in the midst of it all

that you are everywhere

but are you there....

really?

the church calls you powerful...

I call you present energy

breath of life...

and name the tension I feel in the struggle to know how this place

called world really shakes out,

how things are divided up....who decides who gets what...

this sittin' and thinkin' and reflectin'

makes me feel separated a bit from you...

like you've taken a vacation from me...

or perhaps,

it is me who stepped out on the dock of the bay....

Are you really there or here or everywhere...

Is the whole world really in your hands....

I look at the brokenness and

gather up the courage to

finally ask you...

Where the hell are you????

If you are...

then pour yourself out on us...

rain your love down,

sprinkle you love dew over this universe and

bring your goodness to us--

not just some of us...

but all the little children of the world......

Are there answers?

some folks have it all in black and white

printed up in literal words...placed on their sacred shelf

but

I live in a world full of  shades of gray...

I sense you moving..

feel your presence...

believe your atoms move in side of me,

bounce off each other..connecting me to thee and thee to them

but

tonight...

this loneliness haunts me,

that old wound hurts and aches..

and the

world..

oh my LORD...

this ole world..

is in need of something...

if you know what it is...then come on....

what are you waiting for...

I'm just a sittin' on the dock of the bay...

and

I'm just wondering...

so I hope you don't mind.

and if you could..

if you would..

send it on down..

send down

a touch of your amazing grace...

I'd appreciate it and so would the rest of your little kids....

thanks for listening..

I'm just a sittin' here...

thinkin'

wastin' time...

OH Yes.

amen.