more off-color madness.....

THIS IS THE START OF A REVOLUTION. THE REVOLUTION IS YOUR LIFE. THE GOAL IS IMMORTALITY. LET'S LIVE, BABY. LET'S FEEL ALIVE AT ALL TIMES. TAKE NO PRISONERS. HOLD NO SOUL UNACCOUNTABLE, ESPECIALLY NOT YOUR OWN. IF SOMETHING DOESN'T HAPPEN, IT'S YOUR FAULT.
Make this moment your reckoning. Your head has been held under water for too long and now it is time to rise up and take your first true breath.
Do everything with exact calculation, nothing without meaning. Do not make careful your words, but make no excuses for what you say. Fuck em' all. Set a goal for everyday and never be tired.”
― Brian Krans, A Constant Suicide

I think we've gone mad here in the off-color house....well some of us that is for sure....Big Daddy of course will say he is the sane one in the family....off-color son will stay away long enough to make folks think he doesn't belong with this crazy, fun-loving...off color bunch but the truth is...

I think we've lost our mind.

Let's start off saying 

it's been quite the adventure here for the past few days...

First two weeks ago,

I talked off-color daughter into training for a half-marathon with me---why---because it is on my bucket list and I needed an accountability partner to keep me on track.  We joined a running group that meets several times a week and we're training--can you believe it---Big Girl Running--oh my.

Now we've been working out now for about three years and off color daughter is really looking sexy hot----now I've always been sexy hot---but she's really blooming that is for sure.   So we start training with this running group--now know I did e-mail the coordinator before signing up and I asked, "are there real beginners there or is this a serious running group that says beginners are welcome...."  She stated there were real runners but alot of beginners and said we should join....I then asked, "well if a big girl comes and needs some oxygen, I assume you run with your cell phone so you can call 911."  She sent back a message  that said, "lol".....I mean really i was being serious.

So we go...and the first week, guess what, I wasn't the slowest.

The next day we go it is pouring rain and so off color daughter and I ran with the coordinator in the cold drizzle and we did okay.  Saturday last week rolled around and we showed up and the group had lots of new folks....

younger folks let me add...we started running together...running three minutes walking two ...I stayed with them for a good while but then I thought I was going to die and fortunately for me...off color daughter's asthma was being impacted by the cold air, so I pulled back and let the group whose pace was too fast for me---run on ahead.

I walked for a minute and then decided it was all a mind game.  I watched the group and ran when they did and stopped when they did and I finished about two minutes behind them.  They all stood there in a group waiting and when I ran to the finish--they clapped and I stopped...

old lady special needs runner I am---loved the attention.

off color daughter said, "you were running so funny on Saturday...breathing all funny and stuff and it looked like your legs were sticking straight out behind you...."  well no wonder...i thought I was gonna die...and I just wanted to finish.  So there you have it...we have gone crazy...

off color daughter and i are training for a half-marathon (which is 13.1 miles for those of you who are marathon savvy)

My goal--to finish and then check it off the list.

Additionally, "What the elf were we thinking?"

Sunday, I decided to go to Hobby Lobby...I'd never been there and so drove down the road to look at some art supplies.   Well, guess what....they were closed but the Pet Smart located next door was having a big tent puppy viewing....I've missed having a puppy in the house ever since our little dog...Cecil the devil dog from hell decided to commit suicide and run in front of a redneck pick up truck.

So I walked through and made the mistake of sending off color daughter a picture or two.  She called begging me to come get her and i did.  We looked and she held and begged and pleaded.  We called Big Daddy who said, "if you get one it will be your Christmas present."  Once I informed her that I would not be taking care of the puppy she placed little Georgia back in the puppy pen and we went home.

But....

there is always a but in the off color family home....

But

off color son comes in and she tells him

and 

suddenly he says,

I've decided that it is time for me to have my own dog---I'm seventeen and soon I'll be going to college and I can take him with me.  I'm ready for the responsibility and I want to go tomorrow.   (Now let me say...when we arrived home from Pet smart on Sunday..off color Big daddy was sitting in the window like a kid waiting for candy and looked a bit disappointed  when we got out without one).

So yesterday we did it....we went to the Humane society and looked....the whole off color family plus off-color family friends.....Rebbecca, Madison's friend and Hannah, Braham's friend.  The kids got there before us and off-color son was beaming when we arrived.....He took us to the puppy he'd selected......A LARGE....yellow dog that looks like the one from Marley and me........His feet were ginormous....and his lion like tail swatted back and forth looking at us with his light brown eyes.   I rolled my eyes and went to the puppy room and found a cute little two pound beagle--that could fit in your hand---a real puppy.  I tried to convince him to look at Sara or Cosmo or any number of smaller dogs....

We looked around...and then suddenly I realized off color son was missing...

and when I found him..

I knew it was over....

He was in a visitation room and the yellow dog with the big feet was sitting in his lap, licking him and then off color son would throw a ball and he'd run and fetch. 

Off color son beamed.....and i melted and knew

that the 

Yellow dog with the big ass feet was coming home...

(Hershey and Chocolate our other lab mixes don't like him but they are adjusting.)

He's been pretty good for the most part--except for when 

off color son left him in his room while Big daddy and I were at the movie---oh my the smell when we came home.

We used a half a can of febreeze.

Now...that is alot of information but

news alert...

Sexy Hot mama is looking at new vehicles!!!

I know I look sexy hot in my

1998 Ford Windstar van covered in liberal bumper stickers

but

with 183,000 miles the van is ready for hand off to the off color daughter---she's excited about the bumper stickers but not so much sexy hot mama's ghetto van---so 

News alert...

Sexy Hot Mama may be getting some newer wheels....

we're still looking around (well I'm looking and Big Daddy is agreeing to look.).

Whew...it has been one of those weeks...

oh yeah...

I forgot to tell you

...

the off color family has a new member of our family...

a ghost we have named Zoe.

go ahead 

laugh..

but I'm not so sure she isn't in the house

Last week I was running the vacuum and I heard off color daughter's door slam.  I just rolled my eyes because I assumed that she didn't want to hear the vacuum ...

I was in the spare bedroom and when I came out

right in the middle of the floor, 

our long runner was rolled up 

nice and neatly

like it was ready to be carried out.

I knocked on off color daughter's door...

she says...come in...

but the door is locked...

She opened the door and said, 

"did you lock the door when you closed it?"

I look big eyed and say..

"no---I didn't close the door---did you roll up the rug?"

then we got a bit freaked out...

and just laughed and said,

"we've got a ghost--I think she is nice--let's call her Zoe?"

Last Saturday we left to go run...and when we left the door opened just as we started to pull out.  We looked at each other and I said, "Zoe".  Off color daughter said, "stop it."

I laughed.

When we got home...

we were locked out of the house...now we didn't lock the door because off color son was in bed sleeping...

he was still there..

but we stood locked out...

and

I looked at off color daughter and I said,

Zoe...and she said, "stop it".

I don't know if we have a ghost...but it is kind of fun having someone to blame for things....

So..

it has been a weird couple of weeks at the off color house...

We have a new Dog named Simba (he looks like a lioness)

We have a new ghost named Zoe

I might get a new car--called the Sexy Hot Mobil"

and

This big sexy Hot mama and her off color daughter are training for a marathon even though I can't run two miles without needing an oxygen tank...

Yes...

I will say it again...

"What the elf?"

"What the elf?"

You never know what will happen next 

at the off color house hold---

never fear...

more adventures to follow....

guaranteed.

Have a great week.....

and come back to read more of our adventures....

the radical rambler