Feeling my way toward home....

All of life is a coming home.

Salesmen, secretaries, coal miners, beekeepers, sword swallowers, all of us.

All the restless hearts of the world, all trying to find a way home.

 It's hard to describe what I felt like then.

Picture yourself walking for days in the driving snow; you don't even know you're walking in circles. The heaviness of your legs in the drifts, your shouts disappearing into the wind. How small you can feel, and how far away home can be. Home. The dictionary defines it as both a place of origin and a goal or destination. And the storm? The storm was all in my mind. Or as the poet Dante put it: In the middle of the journey of my life, I found myself in a dark wood, for I had lost the right path. Eventually I would find the right path, but in the most unlikely place. 

Hunter Patch Adams from the movie Patch Adams

I find that I am in the midst of a driving snow 

 like Patch Adams describes,

only difference

I know I've been walking,

walking in circles,

endless circles,

round and round I go,

 moving back and forth and meeting in the middle all at the same place at the same time.

I don't understand the haze,

feel as if I have lost a piece of myself along the way,

feel the missing--long for it to return---that piece of me

perhaps

it resides somewhere along this

circling labyrinth,

I keep looking,

hoping,

searching for that something

that seems disconnected,

at sorts,

"out of body" perhaps

that little something

that makes me uniquely me....where did it go?

I've been here before

and

I know that eventually the storm will settle

and

like a snow globe shaken,

eventually all the little falling specks will settle

and

I will be able to see clearly again.

My feet know the drill,

one in front of the other,

and

I trust that they will keep me moving in the right direction.

I don't like this part of the journey at all,

don't like

the haze,

the snow-blindness,

I have never liked

feeling

"out of sorts"

"unable to think"

"disassociated--like an out of body alien experience--but not"

and

so

like the little catapiller above,

I will keep moving along,

feeling my way

stopping to rest when tired

and

then

try and move forward

trusting that my "feelers" or that the Mystical Energy of the Universe will beckon me

and

pull me

and

lead me down the right path

to myself

back home.

Eventually every storm passes,

the snow settles and melts and the sun

warms the frozen earth.

I keep hoping that the pattern continues....

and one day soon...

really soon..

sooner than later...

the warmth will

open me back up again

to experience and participate in the world arriving right back where I started

to the place I'm looking for

-----

Home---and Me.

have a great tuesday,

hugs and blessings,

the radical rambler